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Top 80 Adam Kay Quotes (2025 Update)
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Adam Kay Quote: “He continues. ‘Better not come out black, eh? Ever had a baby come out a different colour to the parents?’ ‘Does blue count?’ I offer. Banter over.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Crash call to a labour ward room. The husband was dicking around on a birthing ball and fell off, cracking his skull on the ground.”
Adam Kay Quote: “It’s a sad fact that the path to one’s own happiness is often paved with the heartbreak of others.”
Adam Kay Quote: “It’s a sad fact that the path to one’s own happiness is often paved with the heartbreak of others – or maybe that’s just what every selfish person tells themselves.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Even though they’ve got a stethoscope round their neck and a decent line in gallows humour, they’re still just that teenager who arbitrarily put a tick next to ‘medicine’ on their UCAS form. Just a human as fragile as anyone.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I’ve not sat down for twelve hours, let alone rested my eyes, my dinner’s sitting uneaten in my locker and I’ve just called a midwife ‘Mum’ by accident.”
Adam Kay Quote: “This year we’re doing Christmas on my next day off: the sixth of January. ‘Just think how reduced the crackers will be by then!’ was the only positive I could offer.”
Adam Kay Quote: “But it’s a Saturday night and the NHS runs a skeleton service. Actually, that’s unfair on skeletons – it’s more like when they dig up remains of Neolithic Man and reconstruct what he might have looked like from a piece of clavicle and a thumb joint.”
Adam Kay Quote: “But promise me this. Next time a government tries to denigrate doctors or take a pick ax to the healthcare system, don’t just except with the politicians feed you. Think about the toll the job takes on every medical professional, at home and at work. Remember that all of them do an absolutely impossible job to the very best of their abilities. Your time in the hospital may will hurt them a lot more than it hurts you.”
Adam Kay Quote: “On labour ward you get through a particularly large number: it’s hard to emerge from any delivery unsplashed. You’re basically front row for Shamu at SeaWorld, except Shamu has eaten a dodgy kebab and is suffering from chronic fin rot.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I blame January. Everyone’s wandering round like poorly reanimated corpses and the weather would make Ernie Shackleton think twice about popping down the shops for a pint of milk; yet we choose this month for a bizarre act of self-flagellation.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I think it’s part of something bigger: patients don’t actually think of doctors as being human.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Google, and you try not to bother them under almost any circumstance. As an SHO, they’re your port of call whenever you get stuck and need an answer: the safety net.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I comment on how cute a friend’s latest ugly baby looks, which I can do very convincingly, as I spend a large proportion of my working day doing the same thing to total strangers.”
Adam Kay Quote: “And the next time someone asked me, ‘Seriously, how do you do it?’ I truly knew what the answer was. Although the reply I generally gave was, ‘I like operating on strangers’ vaginas,’ which at least ended the conversation quickly.”
Adam Kay Quote: “As the patient flailed around, resisting this awful thing going down his throat, the blood jetted everywhere: on me, on Hugo, on the walls, curtains, ceiling. It was like a particularly avant-garde episode of Changing Rooms.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Wednesday, 2 May 2007 I finish consenting a couple for caesarean section. ‘Any questions at all?’ I ask the room. ‘Yes,’ chips in their six-year-old. ‘Do you think Jesus was black?”
Adam Kay Quote: “At the end of the meal, the waiter brings over a pair of heart-shaped sweets in a beautifully carved wooden box. I eat mine whole. Turns out it was actually a candle.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I have to take skin and muscle samples from baby, the worst thing for me in this whole job. It used to upset me so much when I first started that I’d practically have to look away while I did the necessary. Now, slightly more desensitized to a thing you can never quite believe you’ll ever become desensitized to, I can look. I just find it heartbreakingly sad cutting into a dead baby.”
Adam Kay Quote: “The population is getting fatter faster than a mobility scooter hurtling towards Greggs at closing time.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Who’s that you can see in his suit of magenta? It’s me – I’ve been soaked head to toe in placenta.”
Adam Kay Quote: “You become amazing at prioritizing. It’s like you’re living in a constant logic puzzle; the one with the boat, the fox, the chicken and the bag of grain. Except there are a dozen chickens, they’re all delivering triplets and the boat’s made of sugar.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Wednesday, February 28, 2007 In gynae clinic, I go online to look up some management guidelines for a patient. The trust’s IT department has blocked the Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology website and classified it as pornography.”
Adam Kay Quote: “The difference is obviously the whole ‘life and death’ thing, which is what separates this job from all others, and makes it so unfathomable to people on the outside.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I send him home and call the consultant to ask what to do, knowing full well the answer involves me working another twelve hours for free.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I know why I want to give blood – for donation feels like an act of thankfulness. It acknowledges that you are alive, and grateful for it, and wish to share the gift of living with someone else for whom living has become, suddenly, perilous.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Look at the Wikipedia entry for any famous doctor, and you’ll see: ‘He proved himself an accomplished rugby player in youth leagues. He excelled as a distance runner and in his final year at school was vice-captain of the athletics team.’ This particular description is of a certain Dr H. Shipman, so perhaps it’s not a rock-solid system.”
Adam Kay Quote: “Labour ward is literally four things: caesareans, forceps, ventouse and sewing up the mess you’ve made.”
Adam Kay Quote: “I’ll never cease to be amazed by hospitals’ wilful ineptitude when it comes to caring for their own staff.”
Adam Kay Quote: “He sits back in anticipation of bringing the house down, but there’s merely silence. Until pretty much everyone chimes in with: “So, Horner’s syndrome, then?”
Adam Kay Quote: “You don’t cure depression, the samw way you don’t cure asthma; you manage it.”
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