Top 80 Adam Kay Quotes (2024 Update)
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Adam Kay Quote: “The population is getting fatter faster than a mobility scooter hurtling towards Greggs at closing time.”

51. “The population is getting fatter faster than a mobility scooter hurtling towards Greggs at closing time.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Who’s that you can see in his suit of magenta? It’s me – I’ve been soaked head to toe in placenta.”

52. “Who’s that you can see in his suit of magenta? It’s me – I’ve been soaked head to toe in placenta.”

Adam Kay Quote: “You become amazing at prioritizing. It’s like you’re living in a constant logic puzzle; the one with the boat, the fox, the chicken and the bag of grain. Except there are a dozen chickens, they’re all delivering triplets and the boat’s made of sugar.”

53. “You become amazing at prioritizing. It’s like you’re living in a constant logic puzzle; the one with the boat, the fox, the chicken and the bag of grain. Except there are a dozen chickens, they’re all delivering triplets and the boat’s made of sugar.”

Adam Kay Quote: “It’s a sad fact that the path to one’s own happiness is often paved with the heartbreak of others.”

54. “It’s a sad fact that the path to one’s own happiness is often paved with the heartbreak of others.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Wednesday, February 28, 2007 In gynae clinic, I go online to look up some management guidelines for a patient. The trust’s IT department has blocked the Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology website and classified it as pornography.”

55. “Wednesday, February 28, 2007 In gynae clinic, I go online to look up some management guidelines for a patient. The trust’s IT department has blocked the Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology website and classified it as pornography.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Good news: physio have finally been to see her. Bad news: the entry reads, ‘Patient too drowsy to assess.’ I pop in. The patient is dead.”

56. “Good news: physio have finally been to see her. Bad news: the entry reads, ‘Patient too drowsy to assess.’ I pop in. The patient is dead.”

Adam Kay Quote: “The difference is obviously the whole ‘life and death’ thing, which is what separates this job from all others, and makes it so unfathomable to people on the outside.”

57. “The difference is obviously the whole ‘life and death’ thing, which is what separates this job from all others, and makes it so unfathomable to people on the outside.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Even though they’ve got a stethoscope round their neck and a decent line in gallows humour, they’re still just that teenager who arbitrarily put a tick next to ‘medicine’ on their UCAS form. Just a human as fragile as anyone.”

58. “Even though they’ve got a stethoscope round their neck and a decent line in gallows humour, they’re still just that teenager who arbitrarily put a tick next to ‘medicine’ on their UCAS form. Just a human as fragile as anyone.”

Adam Kay Quote: “I send him home and call the consultant to ask what to do, knowing full well the answer involves me working another twelve hours for free.”

59. “I send him home and call the consultant to ask what to do, knowing full well the answer involves me working another twelve hours for free.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Patient RO is twenty-five years old and thirty weeks into her first pregnancy. She complains of a large number of painless spots on her tongue. Diagnosis: taste buds.”

60. “Patient RO is twenty-five years old and thirty weeks into her first pregnancy. She complains of a large number of painless spots on her tongue. Diagnosis: taste buds.”

Adam Kay Quote: “I know why I want to give blood – for donation feels like an act of thankfulness. It acknowledges that you are alive, and grateful for it, and wish to share the gift of living with someone else for whom living has become, suddenly, perilous.”

61. “I know why I want to give blood – for donation feels like an act of thankfulness. It acknowledges that you are alive, and grateful for it, and wish to share the gift of living with someone else for whom living has become, suddenly, perilous.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Look at the Wikipedia entry for any famous doctor, and you’ll see: ‘He proved himself an accomplished rugby player in youth leagues. He excelled as a distance runner and in his final year at school was vice-captain of the athletics team.’ This particular description is of a certain Dr H. Shipman, so perhaps it’s not a rock-solid system.”

62. “Look at the Wikipedia entry for any famous doctor, and you’ll see: ‘He proved himself an accomplished rugby player in youth leagues. He excelled as a distance runner and in his final year at school was vice-captain of the athletics team.’ This particular description is of a certain Dr H. Shipman, so perhaps it’s not a rock-solid system.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Labour ward is literally four things: caesareans, forceps, ventouse and sewing up the mess you’ve made.”

63. “Labour ward is literally four things: caesareans, forceps, ventouse and sewing up the mess you’ve made.”

Adam Kay Quote: “I’ll never cease to be amazed by hospitals’ wilful ineptitude when it comes to caring for their own staff.”

64. “I’ll never cease to be amazed by hospitals’ wilful ineptitude when it comes to caring for their own staff.”

Adam Kay Quote: “He sits back in anticipation of bringing the house down, but there’s merely silence. Until pretty much everyone chimes in with: “So, Horner’s syndrome, then?”

65. “He sits back in anticipation of bringing the house down, but there’s merely silence. Until pretty much everyone chimes in with: “So, Horner’s syndrome, then?”

Adam Kay Quote: “You don’t cure depression, the samw way you don’t cure asthma; you manage it.”

66. “You don’t cure depression, the samw way you don’t cure asthma; you manage it.”

Adam Kay Quote: “If I ever have to go to hospital, madam,’ one of the midwives calmly tells her, ‘I want to be seen last. Because that means everyone else there is sicker than me.”

67. “If I ever have to go to hospital, madam,’ one of the midwives calmly tells her, ‘I want to be seen last. Because that means everyone else there is sicker than me.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Reading back, it felt extreme and unreasonable in terms of what was expected of me, but at the time I’d just accepted it as part of the job. There were points where I wouldn’t have flinched if an entry read ‘swam to Iceland for antenatal clinic’ or ‘had to eat a helicopter today’.”

68. “Reading back, it felt extreme and unreasonable in terms of what was expected of me, but at the time I’d just accepted it as part of the job. There were points where I wouldn’t have flinched if an entry read ‘swam to Iceland for antenatal clinic’ or ‘had to eat a helicopter today’.”

Adam Kay Quote: “On labour ward you get through a particularly large number: it’s hard to emerge from any delivery unsplashed. You’re basically front row for Shamu at SeaWorld, except Shamu has eaten a dodgy kebab and is suffering from chronic fin rot.”

69. “On labour ward you get through a particularly large number: it’s hard to emerge from any delivery unsplashed. You’re basically front row for Shamu at SeaWorld, except Shamu has eaten a dodgy kebab and is suffering from chronic fin rot.”

Adam Kay Quote: “In the UK we see the skyscraper-high bills in America as the Ghost of Christmas Future unless we fight to stop the NHS getting privatized. Politicians may act dumb, but they’re not, and we’ll be lured very stealthily into this particular gingerbread house.”

70. “In the UK we see the skyscraper-high bills in America as the Ghost of Christmas Future unless we fight to stop the NHS getting privatized. Politicians may act dumb, but they’re not, and we’ll be lured very stealthily into this particular gingerbread house.”

Adam Kay Quote: “I blame January. Everyone’s wandering round like poorly reanimated corpses and the weather would make Ernie Shackleton think twice about popping down the shops for a pint of milk; yet we choose this month for a bizarre act of self-flagellation.”

71. “I blame January. Everyone’s wandering round like poorly reanimated corpses and the weather would make Ernie Shackleton think twice about popping down the shops for a pint of milk; yet we choose this month for a bizarre act of self-flagellation.”

Adam Kay Quote: “I think it’s part of something bigger: patients don’t actually think of doctors as being human.”

72. “I think it’s part of something bigger: patients don’t actually think of doctors as being human.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Google, and you try not to bother them under almost any circumstance. As an SHO, they’re your port of call whenever you get stuck and need an answer: the safety net.”

73. “Google, and you try not to bother them under almost any circumstance. As an SHO, they’re your port of call whenever you get stuck and need an answer: the safety net.”

Adam Kay Quote: “I comment on how cute a friend’s latest ugly baby looks, which I can do very convincingly, as I spend a large proportion of my working day doing the same thing to total strangers.”

74. “I comment on how cute a friend’s latest ugly baby looks, which I can do very convincingly, as I spend a large proportion of my working day doing the same thing to total strangers.”

Adam Kay Quote: “And the next time someone asked me, ‘Seriously, how do you do it?’ I truly knew what the answer was. Although the reply I generally gave was, ‘I like operating on strangers’ vaginas,’ which at least ended the conversation quickly.”

75. “And the next time someone asked me, ‘Seriously, how do you do it?’ I truly knew what the answer was. Although the reply I generally gave was, ‘I like operating on strangers’ vaginas,’ which at least ended the conversation quickly.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Even if I wanted to have an affair, I honestly think I’d be too tired to unzip my trousers.”

76. “Even if I wanted to have an affair, I honestly think I’d be too tired to unzip my trousers.”

Adam Kay Quote: “The undiluted selflessness of someone fully aware of what her absence will do to those she leaves behind.”

77. “The undiluted selflessness of someone fully aware of what her absence will do to those she leaves behind.”

Adam Kay Quote: “As the patient flailed around, resisting this awful thing going down his throat, the blood jetted everywhere: on me, on Hugo, on the walls, curtains, ceiling. It was like a particularly avant-garde episode of Changing Rooms.”

78. “As the patient flailed around, resisting this awful thing going down his throat, the blood jetted everywhere: on me, on Hugo, on the walls, curtains, ceiling. It was like a particularly avant-garde episode of Changing Rooms.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Of course, the job would be difficult emotionally when things went wrong – not every story has a happy ending – but the depth of the lows is the price you pay for the height of the highs.”

79. “Of course, the job would be difficult emotionally when things went wrong – not every story has a happy ending – but the depth of the lows is the price you pay for the height of the highs.”

Adam Kay Quote: “Wednesday, 2 May 2007 I finish consenting a couple for caesarean section. ‘Any questions at all?’ I ask the room. ‘Yes,’ chips in their six-year-old. ‘Do you think Jesus was black?”

80. “Wednesday, 2 May 2007 I finish consenting a couple for caesarean section. ‘Any questions at all?’ I ask the room. ‘Yes,’ chips in their six-year-old. ‘Do you think Jesus was black?”

Adam Kay Quote: “At the end of the meal, the waiter brings over a pair of heart-shaped sweets in a beautifully carved wooden box. I eat mine whole. Turns out it was actually a candle.”

81. “At the end of the meal, the waiter brings over a pair of heart-shaped sweets in a beautifully carved wooden box. I eat mine whole. Turns out it was actually a candle.”

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