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Top 160 Bessel A. van der Kolk Quotes (2025 Update)
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Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Imagine what it’s like to make your way through a sea of faces in the school corridor, trying to figure out who might assault you. Children who overreact to their peers’ aggression, who don’t pick up on other kids’ needs, who easily shut down or lose control of their impulses, are likely to be shunned and left out of sleepovers or play dates.”

151. “Imagine what it’s like to make your way through a sea of faces in the school corridor, trying to figure out who might assault you. Children who overreact to their peers’ aggression, who don’t pick up on other kids’ needs, who easily shut down or lose control of their impulses, are likely to be shunned and left out of sleepovers or play dates.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Most seem to have made an unconscious decision that it is better to keep visiting doctors and treating ailments that don’t heal than to do the painful work of facing the demons of the past.”

152. “Most seem to have made an unconscious decision that it is better to keep visiting doctors and treating ailments that don’t heal than to do the painful work of facing the demons of the past.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “A man has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him. – William James, The Principles of Psychology.”

153. “A man has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him. – William James, The Principles of Psychology.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “The challenge is: How can people gain control over the residues of past trauma and return to being masters of their own ship? Talking, understanding, and human connections help, and drugs can dampen hyperactive alarm systems. But we will also see that the imprints from the past can be transformed by having physical experiences that directly contradict the helplessness, rage, and collapse that are part of trauma, and thereby regaining self-mastery.”

154. “The challenge is: How can people gain control over the residues of past trauma and return to being masters of their own ship? Talking, understanding, and human connections help, and drugs can dampen hyperactive alarm systems. But we will also see that the imprints from the past can be transformed by having physical experiences that directly contradict the helplessness, rage, and collapse that are part of trauma, and thereby regaining self-mastery.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Every life is a piece of art, put together with all means available.”

155. “Every life is a piece of art, put together with all means available.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Blaming is a universal human trait that helps people feel good while feeling bad, or as my old teacher Elvin Semrad used to say: ‘Hate makes the world go round.”

156. “Blaming is a universal human trait that helps people feel good while feeling bad, or as my old teacher Elvin Semrad used to say: ‘Hate makes the world go round.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “In a series of elegant studies Stickgold and his colleagues showed that the sleeping brain can even make sense out of information whose relevance is unclear while we are awake and integrate it into the larger memory system.13.”

157. “In a series of elegant studies Stickgold and his colleagues showed that the sleeping brain can even make sense out of information whose relevance is unclear while we are awake and integrate it into the larger memory system.13.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “When I go to Europe to teach, I often am contacted by officials at the ministries of health in the Scandinavian countries, the United Kingdom, Germany, or the Netherlands and asked to.”

158. “When I go to Europe to teach, I often am contacted by officials at the ministries of health in the Scandinavian countries, the United Kingdom, Germany, or the Netherlands and asked to.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “When you’re sick, who does the shopping or takes you to the doctor? Who do you talk to when you are upset?” In other words, who provides you with emotional and practical support? Some patients gave us surprising answers: “my dog” or “my therapist” – or “nobody”.”

159. “When you’re sick, who does the shopping or takes you to the doctor? Who do you talk to when you are upset?” In other words, who provides you with emotional and practical support? Some patients gave us surprising answers: “my dog” or “my therapist” – or “nobody”.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “If you’re still in it, it’s hard to talk about it. I wasn’t able to attach in the way that you need to attach and open up in the way that you need to open up in order to have any type of relationship with a therapist.” This was a stunning revelation: So many patients are in and out of treatment, unable to meaningfully connect because they are still “in it.” Of course, when people don’t know who they are, they can’t possibly see the reality of the people around them.”

160. “If you’re still in it, it’s hard to talk about it. I wasn’t able to attach in the way that you need to attach and open up in the way that you need to open up in order to have any type of relationship with a therapist.” This was a stunning revelation: So many patients are in and out of treatment, unable to meaningfully connect because they are still “in it.” Of course, when people don’t know who they are, they can’t possibly see the reality of the people around them.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Many of our patients are barely aware of their breath, so learning to focus on the in and out breath, to notice whether the breath was fast or slow, and to count breaths in some poses can be a significant accomplishment.13.”

161. “Many of our patients are barely aware of their breath, so learning to focus on the in and out breath, to notice whether the breath was fast or slow, and to count breaths in some poses can be a significant accomplishment.13.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “They learned to shut down their once overwhelming emotions, and, as a result, they no longer recognized what they were feeling. Few of them had any interest in therapy.”

162. “They learned to shut down their once overwhelming emotions, and, as a result, they no longer recognized what they were feeling. Few of them had any interest in therapy.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Tom’s need to live out his life as a memorial to his comrades.”

163. “Tom’s need to live out his life as a memorial to his comrades.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Touch makes it possible to live in a body that can move in response to being moved.”

164. “Touch makes it possible to live in a body that can move in response to being moved.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “In research supported by the National Institutes of Health, my colleagues and I have shown that ten weeks of yoga practice markedly reduced the PTSD symptoms of patients who had failed to respond to any medication or to any other treatment.”

165. “In research supported by the National Institutes of Health, my colleagues and I have shown that ten weeks of yoga practice markedly reduced the PTSD symptoms of patients who had failed to respond to any medication or to any other treatment.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Being able to move and do something to protect oneself is a critical factor in determining whether or not a horrible experience will leave long-lasting scars.”

166. “Being able to move and do something to protect oneself is a critical factor in determining whether or not a horrible experience will leave long-lasting scars.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Recent research has swept away the simple idea that “having” a particular gene produces a particular result. It turns out that many genes work together to influence a single outcome.”

167. “Recent research has swept away the simple idea that “having” a particular gene produces a particular result. It turns out that many genes work together to influence a single outcome.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “We can hope to solve the problems of these children only if we correctly define what is going on with them and do more than developing new drugs to control them or trying to find “the” gene that is responsible for their “disease.” The challenge is to find ways to help them lead productive lives and, in so doing, save hundreds of millions of dollars of taxpayers’ money. That process starts with facing the facts.”

168. “We can hope to solve the problems of these children only if we correctly define what is going on with them and do more than developing new drugs to control them or trying to find “the” gene that is responsible for their “disease.” The challenge is to find ways to help them lead productive lives and, in so doing, save hundreds of millions of dollars of taxpayers’ money. That process starts with facing the facts.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “What we witnessed here was a tragic adaptation: In an effort to shut off terrifying sensations, they also deadened their capacity to feel fully alive.”

169. “What we witnessed here was a tragic adaptation: In an effort to shut off terrifying sensations, they also deadened their capacity to feel fully alive.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Since 2001 far more Americans have died at the hands of their partners or other family members than in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

170. “Since 2001 far more Americans have died at the hands of their partners or other family members than in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “And yet after thirty years and millions upon millions of dollars’ worth of research, we have failed to find consistent genetic patterns for schizophrenia – or for any other psychiatric illness, for that matter.2 Some of my colleagues have also worked hard to discover genetic factors that predispose people to develop traumatic stress.3 That quest continues, but so far it has failed to yield any solid answers.4.”

171. “And yet after thirty years and millions upon millions of dollars’ worth of research, we have failed to find consistent genetic patterns for schizophrenia – or for any other psychiatric illness, for that matter.2 Some of my colleagues have also worked hard to discover genetic factors that predispose people to develop traumatic stress.3 That quest continues, but so far it has failed to yield any solid answers.4.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Whether the trauma had occurred ten years in the past or more than forty, my patients could not bridge the gap between their wartime experiences and their current lives. Somehow the very event that caused them so much pain had also become their sole source of meaning. They felt fully alive only when they were revisiting their traumatic past.”

172. “Whether the trauma had occurred ten years in the past or more than forty, my patients could not bridge the gap between their wartime experiences and their current lives. Somehow the very event that caused them so much pain had also become their sole source of meaning. They felt fully alive only when they were revisiting their traumatic past.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “As the previous parts of this book have shown, the engines of posttraumatic reactions are located in the emotional brain. In contrast with the rational brain, which expresses itself in thoughts, the emotional brain manifests itself in physical reactions: gut-wrenching sensations, heart pounding, breathing becoming fast and shallow, feelings of heartbreak, speaking with an uptight and reedy voice, and the characteristic body movements that signify collapse, rigidity, rage, or defensiveness.”

173. “As the previous parts of this book have shown, the engines of posttraumatic reactions are located in the emotional brain. In contrast with the rational brain, which expresses itself in thoughts, the emotional brain manifests itself in physical reactions: gut-wrenching sensations, heart pounding, breathing becoming fast and shallow, feelings of heartbreak, speaking with an uptight and reedy voice, and the characteristic body movements that signify collapse, rigidity, rage, or defensiveness.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “People who cannot connect through work, friendships, or family usually find other ways of bonding, as through illnesses, lawsuits, or family feuds. Anything is preferable to that godforsaken sense of irrelevance and alienation.”

174. “People who cannot connect through work, friendships, or family usually find other ways of bonding, as through illnesses, lawsuits, or family feuds. Anything is preferable to that godforsaken sense of irrelevance and alienation.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Somehow the very event that caused them so much pain had also become their sole source of meaning.”

175. “Somehow the very event that caused them so much pain had also become their sole source of meaning.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “If we’re lucky in our relationships, we also feel nourished, supported, and restored as we look into the face and eyes of the other.”

176. “If we’re lucky in our relationships, we also feel nourished, supported, and restored as we look into the face and eyes of the other.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

Bessel A. van der Kolk Quote: “Learning to observe and tolerate your physical reactions is a prerequisite for safely revisiting the past. If you cannot tolerate what you are feeling right now, opening up the past will only compound the misery and retraumatize you further.”

177. “Learning to observe and tolerate your physical reactions is a prerequisite for safely revisiting the past. If you cannot tolerate what you are feeling right now, opening up the past will only compound the misery and retraumatize you further.”

— Bessel A. van der Kolk

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