Top 80 Helen Fielding Quotes (2024 Update)
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Helen Fielding Quote: “A woman has her needs. What good is a mother to her poor children if she’s suffering from low self-esteem and sexual frustration? If you don’t get laid soon, you will literally close up. More importantly, you will shrivel. And you will become bitter.”

51. “A woman has her needs. What good is a mother to her poor children if she’s suffering from low self-esteem and sexual frustration? If you don’t get laid soon, you will literally close up. More importantly, you will shrivel. And you will become bitter.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I realize it has become too easy to find a diet to fit in with whatever you happen to feel like eating and that diets are not there to be picked and mixed but picked and stuck to, which is exactly what I shall begin to do once I’ve eaten this chocolate croissant.”

52. “I realize it has become too easy to find a diet to fit in with whatever you happen to feel like eating and that diets are not there to be picked and mixed but picked and stuck to, which is exactly what I shall begin to do once I’ve eaten this chocolate croissant.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Nobody wants to be racist and I think that most people aren’t.”

53. “Nobody wants to be racist and I think that most people aren’t.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “It seems wrong and unfair that Christmas, with its stressful and unmanageable financial and emotional challenges, should first be forced upon one wholly against one’s will, then rudely snatched away just when one is starting to get into it.”

54. “It seems wrong and unfair that Christmas, with its stressful and unmanageable financial and emotional challenges, should first be forced upon one wholly against one’s will, then rudely snatched away just when one is starting to get into it.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “The world you’re about to enter will be a different sea, with so much to do with how many likes you get on Facebook or who knows what ; where everyone is showing off rather than sharing their sadnesses and fears and what they really feel;.”

55. “The world you’re about to enter will be a different sea, with so much to do with how many likes you get on Facebook or who knows what ; where everyone is showing off rather than sharing their sadnesses and fears and what they really feel;.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Emotional fuckwittage.”

56. “Emotional fuckwittage.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Maybe will go to yoga and become more flexible. Or maybe will go out with friends and get plastered.”

57. “Maybe will go to yoga and become more flexible. Or maybe will go out with friends and get plastered.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “There are so many images pushed at women and so many ideas of what you’re supposed to be. I think there’s too much of this superwoman, this woman with a bottom like two billiard balls. There’s no real celebration of just being a person.”

58. “There are so many images pushed at women and so many ideas of what you’re supposed to be. I think there’s too much of this superwoman, this woman with a bottom like two billiard balls. There’s no real celebration of just being a person.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “If we can’t have comedy books written about aspects of womanhood without going into a panic attack about it, then we haven’t got very far at being equal.”

59. “If we can’t have comedy books written about aspects of womanhood without going into a panic attack about it, then we haven’t got very far at being equal.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Clearly in textbook terms, the gentleman should text the lady first after intercourse, but perhaps the whole socio-etiquettical system breaks down when an insect plague is involved.”

60. “Clearly in textbook terms, the gentleman should text the lady first after intercourse, but perhaps the whole socio-etiquettical system breaks down when an insect plague is involved.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I made my excuses and left, thinking, really, after a certain age, people are just going to do what they’re going to do and you’re either going to accept them as they are or you’re not.”

61. “I made my excuses and left, thinking, really, after a certain age, people are just going to do what they’re going to do and you’re either going to accept them as they are or you’re not.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I was writing an earnest novel about cruises in the Caribbean and I just started writing ‘Bridget Jones’ to get some money, to finance this earnest work, and then I chucked it out.”

62. “I was writing an earnest novel about cruises in the Caribbean and I just started writing ‘Bridget Jones’ to get some money, to finance this earnest work, and then I chucked it out.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.”

63. “Dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Exes should never, never go out with or marry other people but should remain celibate to the end of their days in order to provide you with a mental fallback position.”

64. “Exes should never, never go out with or marry other people but should remain celibate to the end of their days in order to provide you with a mental fallback position.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “My books have all generated controversy.”

65. “My books have all generated controversy.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “One has to be in control, otherwise the whole dynamic becomes a total disaster.”

66. “One has to be in control, otherwise the whole dynamic becomes a total disaster.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Now you go out there, do your best, and don’t get caught up in everyone else’s nonsense. It’ll turn out fine, I promise you.”

67. “Now you go out there, do your best, and don’t get caught up in everyone else’s nonsense. It’ll turn out fine, I promise you.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Quite quickly I grew less deranged. I had begun the process of calming down, assimilating and compromising, which is necessary to live comfortably in the world as it is, and probably is why its imbalance never changes. But underneath, my idea of life was completely altered.”

68. “Quite quickly I grew less deranged. I had begun the process of calming down, assimilating and compromising, which is necessary to live comfortably in the world as it is, and probably is why its imbalance never changes. But underneath, my idea of life was completely altered.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Roxster, my photo is of an egg.”

69. “Roxster, my photo is of an egg.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Bad enough when a man wanted to touch but could only look. Worse yet when he’d touched and not even noticed.”

70. “Bad enough when a man wanted to touch but could only look. Worse yet when he’d touched and not even noticed.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Comedy tends to come out of things which are quite painful and serious.”

71. “Comedy tends to come out of things which are quite painful and serious.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Singletons should not have to explain themselves all the time but should have an accepted status – like geisha girls do.”

72. “Singletons should not have to explain themselves all the time but should have an accepted status – like geisha girls do.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “It occurred to me that if Africa needed us, sometimes we needed Africa a great deal more.”

73. “It occurred to me that if Africa needed us, sometimes we needed Africa a great deal more.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I certainly think I’ll end up writing about America in some form. I’ve taken plenty of notes. I like America very much.”

74. “I certainly think I’ll end up writing about America in some form. I’ve taken plenty of notes. I like America very much.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Age of rationing ended some time ago and is now space rather than possessions which is in short supply.”

75. “Age of rationing ended some time ago and is now space rather than possessions which is in short supply.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I’m fed up with you,” I said furiously. “I told you quite specifically the first time you tried to undo my skirt that I am not into emotional fuckwittage. It was very bad to carry on flirting, sleep with me then not even follow it up with a phone call, and try to pretend the whole thing never happened. Did you just ask me to Prague to make sure you could still sleep with me if you wanted to as if we were on some sort of ladder?” “A.”

76. “I’m fed up with you,” I said furiously. “I told you quite specifically the first time you tried to undo my skirt that I am not into emotional fuckwittage. It was very bad to carry on flirting, sleep with me then not even follow it up with a phone call, and try to pretend the whole thing never happened. Did you just ask me to Prague to make sure you could still sleep with me if you wanted to as if we were on some sort of ladder?” “A.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “The skin around my eyes was becoming, even as I watched, a mass of wrinkles; chin and jowls were sagging, neck like a turkey, marionette lines rushing from my mouth to my chin in manner of Angela Merkel. As I stared I could almost seamy hair turning into a tight grey perm. It had finally happened. I was an old lady.”

77. “The skin around my eyes was becoming, even as I watched, a mass of wrinkles; chin and jowls were sagging, neck like a turkey, marionette lines rushing from my mouth to my chin in manner of Angela Merkel. As I stared I could almost seamy hair turning into a tight grey perm. It had finally happened. I was an old lady.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Bet I will become known as brilliant cook and hostess.”

78. “Bet I will become known as brilliant cook and hostess.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “The trouble with trying to go out with people when you get older is that everything becomes so loaded.”

79. “The trouble with trying to go out with people when you get older is that everything becomes so loaded.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if left to revert to nature – with.”

80. “Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if left to revert to nature – with.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I hadn’t been there ten minutes before there were three turds on the carpet.”

81. “I hadn’t been there ten minutes before there were three turds on the carpet.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “Is the whole world doomed to emotional trauma?”

82. “Is the whole world doomed to emotional trauma?”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “All you do is not eat any food which you have to pay for. So at the start of the diet you’re a bit porky and no one asks you out to dinner. Then you lose weight and get a bit leggy and shag-me hippy and people start taking you out for meals. So then you put a few pounds on, the invitations trail off and you start losing weight again.”

83. “All you do is not eat any food which you have to pay for. So at the start of the diet you’re a bit porky and no one asks you out to dinner. Then you lose weight and get a bit leggy and shag-me hippy and people start taking you out for meals. So then you put a few pounds on, the invitations trail off and you start losing weight again.”

— Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding Quote: “I keep telling you, nobody wants legs like a stick insect. They want a bottom they can park in a bike in and balance a pint of beer on.”

84. “I keep telling you, nobody wants legs like a stick insect. They want a bottom they can park in a bike in and balance a pint of beer on.”

— Helen Fielding

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