Top 180 John Cleese Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “For me, the great problem growing up in England was that I had a very narrow concept of what God can be, and it was damn close to an old man with a beard.”

— John Cleese

152. “The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole.”

— John Cleese

153. “I don’t want to have to start being unselfish again. The great thing about being on your own is you do what you damned well like.”

— John Cleese

154. “I think that I feel an indignation when I don’t understand something.”

— John Cleese

155. “True, there was a vague assumption that doing so would bring me closer to God, but then who was God when he was at home? And why did he keep losing it with his chosen people, when he could easily have changed his mind, and picked a more co-operative bunch?”

— John Cleese

156. “Graham always used to say that I was shocked when he came out. That implies some sort of moral objection. Untrue. I was not ‘shocked’, I was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very surprised.”

— John Cleese

157. “The British fans are liable to suddenly be talking to you about something that you don’t know how you got into the conversation. I think it’s something to do with the fact that they’ve been watching you for so many years sort of you telling your story.”

— John Cleese

158. “It seemed as though he had a fundamental belief that the merit of his argument depended on the strength of his feelings about the matter, and since he always felt uncontrollably passionate about everything, then clearly he was always right.”

— John Cleese

159. “Mother told me once that some Westonians privately criticised Dad for retreating so soon. They apparently felt it would have been more dignified to have waited a week or so before running away. I think this view misses the essential point of running away, which is to do it the moment the idea has occurred to you. Only an obsessional procrastinator would cry, “Let’s run for our lives, but not till Wednesday afternoon.”

— John Cleese

160. “I think we’re all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.”

— John Cleese

161. “Naturally, people’s image is of a performer, but the reality of it is the writing for me has always been the most important thing and the most rewarding thing.”

— John Cleese

162. “English television from the Fifties to the Nineties was the least bad in the world, and now it’s just as bad as it is anywhere.”

— John Cleese

163. “On movies, I like to involve the cast in the writing of the script. I like to have a rehearsal period, after which I do the last draft, which gives me a chance to incorporate anything the actors have come up with during the rehearsal period, so I’m very inclusive as a writer.”

— John Cleese

164. “Filming takes a lot out of you. It really does. It’s immensely demanding, and you have to put the rest of your life in the icebox until you do your final shot.”

— John Cleese

165. “Who’s ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!”

— John Cleese

166. “The Americans are so much more positive. They are much more in love with success. In Britain, they’re a fairly envious bunch, and they love it if you fail.”

— John Cleese

167. “England is a fairly envious little country and it’s embodied in the press. They don’t like anyone being more distinguished than they are.”

— John Cleese

168. “Self-confidence seemed to me more mimicry than anything else and I suggested visiting Clifton Zoo to watch the leaders in a group of baboons, and learn from them: make your gestures slow and deliberate; cultivate a deeper voice; appear casual at all times; eschew all rapid movements. That was all you had to do to look confident.”

— John Cleese

169. “John Cleese... he cannot sing and keeps a locked piano in his room to prove it.”

— John Cleese

170. “Cats are very intelligent at all the things that cats need to be intelligent about.”

— John Cleese

171. “My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn’t doing this I’d be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me.”

— John Cleese

172. “I learned a lot of things about literature talking to people at the publishing company. Did you know that about 90 percent of celebrity autobiographies are ghostwritten?”

— John Cleese

173. “I now see, was the fact that there were so many areas of my emotional life where I was muddled and unresolved and therefore ripe for horrendous embarrassment that I was pointlessly guarded about everything. The lurking fear that I might accidentally give away something I did not want to reveal resulted in blanket self-censorship.”

— John Cleese

174. “I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I’m writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect.”

— John Cleese

175. “I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.”

— John Cleese

176. “British journalists tend to believe that people who become good at something do so because they seek fame and fortune. This is because these are the sole motives of people who become British journalists. But some people, operating at higher levels of mental health, pursue activities because they actually love them.”

— John Cleese

177. “I guess we’re all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away... Well, I feel that I should say, “Nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries!” And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn’t, if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him, but mindless good taste.”

— John Cleese

178. “Some actors, I think, want to feel that they are as creative as the writer. And the answer is, frankly, they’re not.”

— John Cleese

179. “This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!”

— John Cleese

180. “As Hindus say, the mind is like a chattering, drunken monkey.”

— John Cleese

181. “Tortoise Mind.” “Hare Brain.” They need each other. But keep them separate!”

— John Cleese

182. “The first was that the creative architects knew how to play.”

— John Cleese

183. “The second was that the creative architects always deferred making decisions for as long as they were allowed.”

— John Cleese

184. “Getting discouraged is a total waste of your time.”

— John Cleese

185. “When you’re being creative there is no such thing as a mistake.”

— John Cleese

186. “Put simply, you can’t ask your unconscious a question, and expect a direct answer – a neat, tidy little verbal message.”

— John Cleese

187. “The Buddhists have a phrase for this – “Beginner’s Mind” – expressing how experience can be more vivid when it’s not dulled by familiarity.”

— John Cleese

188. “But perhaps the biggest interruption coming from your inside is caused by your worrying about making a mistake.”

— John Cleese

189. “So “borrow” an idea from someone you admire – an idea that really appeals to you personally.”

— John Cleese