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Top 80 Lenny Bruce Quotes (2025 Update)
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Lenny Bruce Quote: “If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.”

51. “If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “There’s always a down side with any freedom. It’s not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.”

52. “There’s always a down side with any freedom. It’s not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I don’t want a sharp chick who quotes Kerouac; I just want to hear my old lady say, “Get up and fix the toilet, it’s still making noise.”

53. “I don’t want a sharp chick who quotes Kerouac; I just want to hear my old lady say, “Get up and fix the toilet, it’s still making noise.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there’s a pogrom, or they’re blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.”

54. “You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there’s a pogrom, or they’re blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Today’s comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today’s comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he’s telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.”

55. “Today’s comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today’s comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he’s telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.”

56. “I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Communism is just one big telephone company.”

57. “Communism is just one big telephone company.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.”

58. “I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh – comedy as electro shock therapy.”

59. “What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh – comedy as electro shock therapy.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there’s no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.”

60. “Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there’s no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.”

61. “If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.”

62. “Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.”

63. “You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They’re just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.”

64. “Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They’re just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.”

65. “Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “There is only what is.”

66. “There is only what is.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.”

67. “The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I want to perform an unnatural act.”

68. “I want to perform an unnatural act.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.”

69. “Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I’m playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.”

70. “TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I’m playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.”

71. “Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.”

72. “When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed – spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.”

73. “Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed – spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I’m sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.”

74. “I’m sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.”

75. “All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.”

76. “All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.”

77. “I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “You can’t just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.”

78. “You can’t just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “With overpopulation, human misery, and the threat of war increasing, we need rather more adult performances from society.”

79. “With overpopulation, human misery, and the threat of war increasing, we need rather more adult performances from society.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “I was not born in a vacuum. Every thought I have belongs to someone else.”

80. “I was not born in a vacuum. Every thought I have belongs to someone else.”

— Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce Quote: “Now, if anyone in this room or the world finds those two words decadent, obscene, immoral, amoral, asexual, the words ‘to come’ really make you feel uncomfortable, if you think I’m rank for saying it to you, you the beholder think it’s rank for listening to it, you probably can’t come. And then you’re of no use, because that’s the purpose of life, to re-create it.”

81. “Now, if anyone in this room or the world finds those two words decadent, obscene, immoral, amoral, asexual, the words ‘to come’ really make you feel uncomfortable, if you think I’m rank for saying it to you, you the beholder think it’s rank for listening to it, you probably can’t come. And then you’re of no use, because that’s the purpose of life, to re-create it.”

— Lenny Bruce

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