Create Yours

Top 70 Lundy Bancroft Quotes (2025 Update)
Page 2 of 2

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Outside of my professional life, I have known many couples over the years who had passion and electricity between them and who treated each other well. But unfortunately there is wide acceptance in our society of the unhealthy notion that passion and aggression are interwoven and that cruel verbal exchanges and bomblike explosions are the price you pay for a relationship that is exciting, deep, and sexy. Popular romantic movies and soap operas sometimes reinforce this image.”

51. “Outside of my professional life, I have known many couples over the years who had passion and electricity between them and who treated each other well. But unfortunately there is wide acceptance in our society of the unhealthy notion that passion and aggression are interwoven and that cruel verbal exchanges and bomblike explosions are the price you pay for a relationship that is exciting, deep, and sexy. Popular romantic movies and soap operas sometimes reinforce this image.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “For many abusive men, pornography has shaped their sexuality since they were teenagers or even younger. It has helped to form their view of what women are like and what they ought to be. When a graduate of what I call “The Pornography School of Sexuality” discovers, for example, that his partner does not find a slap in the face arousing, he thinks that’s evidence of something sexually wrong with her.”

52. “For many abusive men, pornography has shaped their sexuality since they were teenagers or even younger. It has helped to form their view of what women are like and what they ought to be. When a graduate of what I call “The Pornography School of Sexuality” discovers, for example, that his partner does not find a slap in the face arousing, he thinks that’s evidence of something sexually wrong with her.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Some people feel threatened by the concept that abuse is a solvable problem, because if it is, there’s no excuse for not solving it.”

53. “Some people feel threatened by the concept that abuse is a solvable problem, because if it is, there’s no excuse for not solving it.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Abusive and controlling men tend to have an endless collection of strategies to avoid having to look at their behavior and change it. They are highly attached to an unequal, privileged position in their relationships with women, and as a result are simply not willing to operate respectfully, since that would mean operating as equals.”

54. “Abusive and controlling men tend to have an endless collection of strategies to avoid having to look at their behavior and change it. They are highly attached to an unequal, privileged position in their relationships with women, and as a result are simply not willing to operate respectfully, since that would mean operating as equals.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Deference refers to the abuser’s entitlement to have his tastes and opinions treated as edicts.”

55. “Deference refers to the abuser’s entitlement to have his tastes and opinions treated as edicts.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Part of how the abuser escapes confronting himself is by convincing you that you are the cause of his behavior, or that you at least share the blame. But abuse is not a product of bad relationship dynamics, and you cannot make things better by changing your own behavior or by attempting to manage your partner better. Abuse is a problem that lies entirely within the abuser.”

56. “Part of how the abuser escapes confronting himself is by convincing you that you are the cause of his behavior, or that you at least share the blame. But abuse is not a product of bad relationship dynamics, and you cannot make things better by changing your own behavior or by attempting to manage your partner better. Abuse is a problem that lies entirely within the abuser.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “On those days when his nasty or rejecting side comes out first thing, tell yourself, “His coldness is his problem, not mine. He’s the one who’s missing out. I’m not going to let him ruin my day.”

57. “On those days when his nasty or rejecting side comes out first thing, tell yourself, “His coldness is his problem, not mine. He’s the one who’s missing out. I’m not going to let him ruin my day.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “An abuser’s behavior is primarily conscious – he acts deliberately rather than by accident or by losing control of himself – but the underlying thinking that drives his behavior is largely not conscious.”

58. “An abuser’s behavior is primarily conscious – he acts deliberately rather than by accident or by losing control of himself – but the underlying thinking that drives his behavior is largely not conscious.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “The abuser comes and goes as he pleases, meets or ignores his responsibilities at his whim, and skips anything he finds too unpleasant.”

59. “The abuser comes and goes as he pleases, meets or ignores his responsibilities at his whim, and skips anything he finds too unpleasant.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “An abuser can be thought of not as a man who is a “deviant,” but rather as one who learned his society’s lessons too well, swallowing them whole.”

60. “An abuser can be thought of not as a man who is a “deviant,” but rather as one who learned his society’s lessons too well, swallowing them whole.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “You are not your partner. His issues are not your issues. His behavior is not your behavior. His destructiveness does not prove that anything is wrong with you. You are separate people.”

61. “You are not your partner. His issues are not your issues. His behavior is not your behavior. His destructiveness does not prove that anything is wrong with you. You are separate people.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it.”

62. “But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “They are reluctant to do the serious work of change, feeling that it would be easier to throw a new blanket over the moldy mattress and carry on with life as usual.”

63. “They are reluctant to do the serious work of change, feeling that it would be easier to throw a new blanket over the moldy mattress and carry on with life as usual.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “I wish I could somehow recover all those years I wasted waiting around for him to deal with his issues.” Save yourself that sadness if you can, by insisting on nothing less than complete respect.”

64. “I wish I could somehow recover all those years I wasted waiting around for him to deal with his issues.” Save yourself that sadness if you can, by insisting on nothing less than complete respect.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “He doesn’t object to her sexualization, he just wants to be in control of it, and he wants it oriented towards his gratification. His demand that she not show off her body is not based on the viewpoint of a responsible parent but rather is more like the attitude of a jealous boyfriend.”

65. “He doesn’t object to her sexualization, he just wants to be in control of it, and he wants it oriented towards his gratification. His demand that she not show off her body is not based on the viewpoint of a responsible parent but rather is more like the attitude of a jealous boyfriend.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Pointing fingers at other countries can be a way to ignore the serious problems in our own.”

66. “Pointing fingers at other countries can be a way to ignore the serious problems in our own.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “One exercise that can help you address this trap involves making a list of all the ways, including emotional ones, in which you feel dependent on your partner, then making another list of big or small steps you might take to begin to become more independent. These lists can guide you in focusing your energy in the directions you need to go.”

67. “One exercise that can help you address this trap involves making a list of all the ways, including emotional ones, in which you feel dependent on your partner, then making another list of big or small steps you might take to begin to become more independent. These lists can guide you in focusing your energy in the directions you need to go.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “And the most frequent response of all: “Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”

68. “And the most frequent response of all: “Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “How do we change societal values so that women’s rights to live free of insults, invasion, disempowerment, and intimidation is respected? One way is simply to declare out loud to people in your life that women have these rights unconditionally.”

69. “How do we change societal values so that women’s rights to live free of insults, invasion, disempowerment, and intimidation is respected? One way is simply to declare out loud to people in your life that women have these rights unconditionally.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “But abuse is not a battle that you win by being better at expressing yourself. You win it by being better at sarcasm, put-downs, twisting everything around backward, and using other tactics of control – an arena in which my clients win hands down over their partners, just as they do in a violent altercation. Who can beat an abuser at his own game?”

70. “But abuse is not a battle that you win by being better at expressing yourself. You win it by being better at sarcasm, put-downs, twisting everything around backward, and using other tactics of control – an arena in which my clients win hands down over their partners, just as they do in a violent altercation. Who can beat an abuser at his own game?”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “A man’s partner is not his child, and the freedoms he “grants” her are not credits to be spent like chips when the urge to control her arises.”

71. “A man’s partner is not his child, and the freedoms he “grants” her are not credits to be spent like chips when the urge to control her arises.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “Ensuring that his career, education, or other goals are prioritized.”

72. “Ensuring that his career, education, or other goals are prioritized.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “He, on the other hand, enjoys the luxury of a relationship where he rarely has to compromise, gets to do the things he enjoys, and skips the rest.”

73. “He, on the other hand, enjoys the luxury of a relationship where he rarely has to compromise, gets to do the things he enjoys, and skips the rest.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “A man who chronically mistreats you is a terrible source of information about who you are. His vision is too distorted, too self-centered, and too self-serving to have any useful clarity, especially when the subject is you.”

74. “A man who chronically mistreats you is a terrible source of information about who you are. His vision is too distorted, too self-centered, and too self-serving to have any useful clarity, especially when the subject is you.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “He, on the other hand, enjoys the luxury of a relationship where he rarely has to compromise, gets to do the things he enjoys, and skips the rest. He shows off his generosity when the stakes are low, so that friends will see what a swell guy he is. The abuser ends up with the benefits of being in an intimate relationship without the sacrifices that normally come with the territory. That’s a pretty privileged lifestyle.”

75. “He, on the other hand, enjoys the luxury of a relationship where he rarely has to compromise, gets to do the things he enjoys, and skips the rest. He shows off his generosity when the stakes are low, so that friends will see what a swell guy he is. The abuser ends up with the benefits of being in an intimate relationship without the sacrifices that normally come with the territory. That’s a pretty privileged lifestyle.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “It is in your primary relationship that you should be able to feel the most sure of receiving kindness and support, of being carefully listened to, of being seen and understood.”

76. “It is in your primary relationship that you should be able to feel the most sure of receiving kindness and support, of being carefully listened to, of being seen and understood.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft Quote: “I wish I could somehow recover all those years I wasted waiting around for him to deal with his issues.”

77. “I wish I could somehow recover all those years I wasted waiting around for him to deal with his issues.”

— Lundy Bancroft

Motivational Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Positive Quotes

Positive Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

PREV 1 2 NEXT

Motivational Quotes

Motivational Quotes

INSPIRATIONAL SUCCESS MOTIVATIONAL

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS INSPIRATIONAL

Positive Quotes

Positive Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS INSPIRATIONAL

Steve Jobs Quotes

Steve Jobs Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS APPLE

Inspirational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

COURAGE MOTIVATIONAL STRENGTH

INSPIRATIONAL SUCCESS MOTIVATIONAL

Swami Vivekananda Quotes

Swami Vivekananda Quotes

LIFE SPIRITUALITY

Save image...
Permalink
Open in new tab
Copy quote text

Beautiful Wallpapers and Images

We hope you enjoyed our collection of 70 Lundy Bancroft Quotes.

All the images on this page were created with QuoteFancy Studio.

Use QuoteFancy Studio to create high-quality images for your desktop backgrounds, blog posts, presentations, social media, videos, posters, and more.

Thank you!

Please check your email.