Top 300 Maureen Johnson Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “Although it was very cold, he wore no coat. I think some English people think coats are for the weak.”

— Maureen Johnson

252. “Department of Pain and the Processing Thereof.”

— Maureen Johnson

253. “I kind of love it,” Nate said, looking around. “It looks like the moisture farm that Luke Skywalker lives on.”

— Maureen Johnson

254. “They were poets – machine-gun poets who brooked no compromise, who rode any road they wished, who drove laughing into the sun.”

— Maureen Johnson

255. “This realization burned.”

— Maureen Johnson

256. “He still looked handsome. Not in the same way as Noah. Noah wasn’t flawless. He had no single amazing feature. Instead, he had a confluence of agreeable aspects that were accepted by one and all to add up to one very attractive whole, perfectly packaged in the right clothes.”

— Maureen Johnson

257. “Tyrants and those who ascribe to tyrannical beliefs are always weak at heart because they build their world on fear.”

— Maureen Johnson

258. “Campers screamed when they swam and played and sometimes simply for the sake of screaming.”

— Maureen Johnson

259. “Felt the world swirling with snow.”

— Maureen Johnson

260. “Stevie quickly surmised that this was one of those cases where she sounded weird if she explained, but far more weird if she did not.”

— Maureen Johnson

261. “Oh, I like it,” Nate said. “Snow makes it socially acceptable to stay in.”

— Maureen Johnson

262. “I am out of ideas and need to conserve my energy so I can freak out more efficiently.”

— Maureen Johnson

263. “The idea that Izzy had a full life that didn’t revolve around David had somehow never occurred to Stevie. Love made her stupid.”

— Maureen Johnson

264. “The jump from someone who can’t be found to someone who is missing is long and short at the same time, because nothing has changed except your perception of the distance.”

— Maureen Johnson

265. “I still have a whopping bad case of what you call scag magnetism. I thought i had gotten rid of it there, but it looks like scary guys still materialize from thin air in my presence. They are drawn to me. I am the North Pole, and they are the explorers of love.”

— Maureen Johnson

266. “I’m still going to eat a lot of tacos,” Nate said. “But I’m going to do it judgmentally.”

— Maureen Johnson

267. “Again, I noticed and again, I didn’t really care. But he did make more of an impact than the snow.”

— Maureen Johnson

268. “Once threw a mug of tea at a policeman.”

— Maureen Johnson

269. “It was as if the news itself wanted to reassure me. Even Jack the Ripper himself had reappeared as part of the greeting committee.”

— Maureen Johnson

270. “Told her I would wait as long as it took. She told me not to bother, but I waited anyway.”

— Maureen Johnson

271. “Lie. It was such a gross word, with spikes on it. She was a liar. A fiendish thing.”

— Maureen Johnson

272. “Murderers aren’t a type. They’re anyone.”

— Maureen Johnson

273. “If he hadn’t dragged me, I would never have made it up the hill.”

— Maureen Johnson

274. “But I was fuelled by the power of confusion and panic, which, like I said is always ready and waiting to get to work.”

— Maureen Johnson

275. “Could you burn logs after a murder?”

— Maureen Johnson

276. “Gators are just something you have to accept where I come from. Most don’t go anywhere near the houses, even though there are lots of delicious children and dogs there. Every once in a while, though, an alligator has a lightbulb moment and decides to take a stroll and see the world a bit.”

— Maureen Johnson

277. “She’s like the Hulk,” Nate explained. “But instead of transforming when she gets mad, it’s when she sees crafts. And she doesn’t turn big and green. She just makes crafts. So not like the Hulk, really.”

— Maureen Johnson

278. “In English Murder Villages, vats exist for the express purpose of drowning people – in beer, in pickling brine, in whiskey, in jam. This is doubly true if the vat was built by fourteenth-century monks.”

— Maureen Johnson

279. “Do guys really believe that if they are the only male in the area that girls will suddenly crawl on top of them? Like we scavenge for lone survivors and reward them with group make-out sessions?”

— Maureen Johnson

280. “And then the surface beneath us just went away.”

— Maureen Johnson

281. “It was a good brain, but it had only two modes – fog and frenzy.”

— Maureen Johnson

282. “He was paying attention. It felt foreign, a little embarrassingly intimate, but kind of great. My eyes filled up.”

— Maureen Johnson

283. “Debbie was one of those parents who still hadn’t quite grasped that using the internet was not exactly wizardry, and that we could all find anything online.”

— Maureen Johnson

284. “Didn’t say we tell each other everything.”

— Maureen Johnson

285. “Who the hell is she?” Nate asked Stevie quietly. “Why does she like us?” Stevie shrugged. “We’re likable?” “Not really,” he said. “We’re okay at best. Are all English people this friendly?”

— Maureen Johnson

286. “I have never, ever been so happy to see a house.”

— Maureen Johnson

287. “The sky was white instead of the crazy pink of the night before.”

— Maureen Johnson

288. “Villagers love to remember the glorious old days, when they used to skewer one another with sticks, fire muskets into one another’s faces, and cut off their neighbors’ heads in the name of king or country or whatever they were into back then.”

— Maureen Johnson

289. “She never drank tea at home. Tea was for England.”

— Maureen Johnson

290. “They all seemed to have a deep, penetrating knowledge of everything going on in the world – politics, art, books, music. They all sounded so self-assured. That wasn’t surprising, considering that they were older and successful.”

— Maureen Johnson

291. “Welsh is an actual, currently used language and our next-door neighbors Angela and Gaenor spoke it. It sounds like Wizard.”

— Maureen Johnson

292. “Much as I would have liked to, I couldn’t hide upstairs forever. Sooner or later, I was going to have to come down and face the world.”

— Maureen Johnson

293. “Good resume,” he said, not sounding all that impressed. “But what’s he like?” Oh, God. This conversation was going to go on.”

— Maureen Johnson

294. “I always had a thing about mushrooms. They’re the odd little children of the forest. I suppose I related.”

— Maureen Johnson

295. “WHEN things are bad, give yourself a point for everything.”

— Maureen Johnson

296. “It was all so crazy... as weird as finding out that someone had written a book about my life or something.”

— Maureen Johnson

297. “The truth was that she had managed to betray everyone by doing nothing. No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong. Not cheating on a non-boyfriend with the non-boyfriend of a friend. The pressure of thinking that one through made her swollen body ache.”

— Maureen Johnson

298. “My grandparents are great people, but they are easily rattled. Like, if the grocery store sells out of some frozen pizza or soup they advertise in the circular, and they’ve gone to the store just for that, they’ll stand there debating their next move for a half an hour.”

— Maureen Johnson

299. “Who had just witnessed me go through an entire rainbow of emotions and experiences.”

— Maureen Johnson

300. “But this was not the time to be picky.”

— Maureen Johnson