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Top 60 Michael Ian Black Quotes (2025 Update)
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Michael Ian Black Quote: “Once I commit to something, I commit – at least until I quit, which can happen at any time.”

51. “Once I commit to something, I commit – at least until I quit, which can happen at any time.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “Hosting a game show is so bizarre and uniquely its own thing. Anytime I’m hosting something, I try to bring as much of myself to it as I can, but it’s always going to be incomplete.”

52. “Hosting a game show is so bizarre and uniquely its own thing. Anytime I’m hosting something, I try to bring as much of myself to it as I can, but it’s always going to be incomplete.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “Shuffling really isn’t something you should be doing on your deathbed.”

53. “Shuffling really isn’t something you should be doing on your deathbed.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “You know how Burger King often employs mentally handicapped people to wipe down tables at their restaurants? What those people are to Burger King, paralegals are to lawyers. It’s the lowest job you can possibly get and still technically be considered in the legal profession.”

54. “You know how Burger King often employs mentally handicapped people to wipe down tables at their restaurants? What those people are to Burger King, paralegals are to lawyers. It’s the lowest job you can possibly get and still technically be considered in the legal profession.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I never really understood what was expected of me as a man, or how I was supposed to interact with women, but worse, with other guys. I did not relate to them.”

55. “I never really understood what was expected of me as a man, or how I was supposed to interact with women, but worse, with other guys. I did not relate to them.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “There is something about the human condition. I don’t think dogs are like “If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I’d be totally happy.” Dogs are happy with who they are.”

56. “There is something about the human condition. I don’t think dogs are like “If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I’d be totally happy.” Dogs are happy with who they are.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I don’t think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.”

57. “I don’t think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “You can’t write a children’s book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children’s books, but it would actually be bad if I did.”

58. “You can’t write a children’s book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children’s books, but it would actually be bad if I did.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “My process is surprisingly straightforward. I find myself with little to do over a stretch of time and I say, “I should write children’s books today.” Then I sit down and write a children’s book, and if it takes more than, realistically, three hours, I feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

59. “My process is surprisingly straightforward. I find myself with little to do over a stretch of time and I say, “I should write children’s books today.” Then I sit down and write a children’s book, and if it takes more than, realistically, three hours, I feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I probably should be thinking of better ideas on how to promote myself, but I don’t really spend a lot of time doing it. I really don’t know how to promote effectively.”

60. “I probably should be thinking of better ideas on how to promote myself, but I don’t really spend a lot of time doing it. I really don’t know how to promote effectively.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I’m not sure what it would mean to have “made it.” Made what? Yes, I can make a decent living in show business, so if that’s the criteria, then I’ve made it. But that doesn’t feel that important to me. The stuff that matters to me are the new challenges. I know that sounds hokey, but it’s true.”

61. “I’m not sure what it would mean to have “made it.” Made what? Yes, I can make a decent living in show business, so if that’s the criteria, then I’ve made it. But that doesn’t feel that important to me. The stuff that matters to me are the new challenges. I know that sounds hokey, but it’s true.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I don’t really read children’s books or deal with children’s books, so I don’t have any relationship with them other than my own.”

62. “I don’t really read children’s books or deal with children’s books, so I don’t have any relationship with them other than my own.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I think in doing stand-up there are no rules and there’s no architecture.”

63. “I think in doing stand-up there are no rules and there’s no architecture.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I’m very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day.”

64. “I’m very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “I think people just love to win.”

65. “I think people just love to win.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “Part of what’s exciting to me about my career is the constant looking forward. Whenever I finish one project, I am looking to what’s next.”

66. “Part of what’s exciting to me about my career is the constant looking forward. Whenever I finish one project, I am looking to what’s next.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “You have to lead, in the case of a game show, a contestant through the architecture of the show. So there’s a lot of rules there, literal and implied, that you have to navigate.”

67. “You have to lead, in the case of a game show, a contestant through the architecture of the show. So there’s a lot of rules there, literal and implied, that you have to navigate.”

— Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black Quote: “It’s such a deliberate thing to sit down and write a tweet. You’re putting yourself out there in a very deliberate way, and over however many tweets, you start to create a character for yourself.”

68. “It’s such a deliberate thing to sit down and write a tweet. You’re putting yourself out there in a very deliberate way, and over however many tweets, you start to create a character for yourself.”

— Michael Ian Black

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