“I am miserable now – not feeling unhappiness, just lack of life coming to me and coming out of me – resignation to getting nothing and seeking nothing, staying behind shell. The glare of unknown love, human, unhad by me, – the tenderness I never had. I don’t want to be just a nothing, a sick blank, withdrawal into myself forever. I just want something, beside the emptiness I’ve carried around in me all my life.”
