“He was aware that younger lads and even more tragically, some older lads, felt that the height of modern romance was sending a picture of your tackle to a lady, but he found the idea horrific. Bar anything else, he’d never considered that to be an attractive bit of kit. It looked like something you’d find in a butcher’s bin. If that made the top five list of your best features, then you needed to take a night class or learn to juggle or something, because you were not much of a catch.”