“I have tried to return to an “untainted” version of myself, one that was oblivious to the visceral natures of pain and loss. I obsess over an imagined place of “purity”, where the ghosts of my past do not roam, and I realize that as vital as it is to release my hauntings, I cannot return to a self who is untouched by pain. I do not live in a world without pain, and I cannot pretend that pain does not continue as I continue too.”