“Here in Texas, that’s not how it works. When we threw ourselves on Slip’N Slides, we were met with a bone-crushingly hard ground that was sparsely covered by grass that had the consistency of old hay. As we slid down the yellow tarp for our three seconds of fun, we’d experience the familiar explosions of pain when previously undiscovered rocks or sticks jabbed into our internal organs. Then we’d slide off the end into fire ants.”
