Top 90 Stuart Gibbs Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “The Agency has agents posted all over campus, and now they’re certainly on their way to get FooFoo BinkyBum.”

— Stuart Gibbs

52. “Apparently, the folks at SPYDER really liked fro-yo sundaes: There were dozens of toppings, ranging from crumbled toffee to rainbow sprinkles.”

— Stuart Gibbs

53. “It’s going to be an hour’s drive back to our hotel,” the lead chaperone announced. “During that time there will be no shouting, no food, no public displays of affection, and no unsavory language. Also, we will not be returning your phones until the end of the ride.” This provoked a lot of unsavory language.”

— Stuart Gibbs

54. “No one can die like I can.”

— Stuart Gibbs

55. “No sooner had the door slammed shut behind him than Grievous Bodily Harm rammed into it. The bull hit the cubicle with the force of an oncoming truck. The Porta-Potty rocked backward and then toppled. From inside came the sound of a large amount of human waste sloshing out of the holding tank, followed by a scream of abject horror and disgust from Morton.”

— Stuart Gibbs

56. “Erica said, “When something only happens once every few years, it’s considered a special occasion.”

— Stuart Gibbs

57. “Think about the most famous geniuses in history: Einstein, Newton, Galileo, Darwin, da Vinci, Mozart. What do they have in common?” Charlie reflected on that for a moment. “They’re all men.”

— Stuart Gibbs

58. “The real you is a backstabbing sleazeball,” I said. “The old me was a backstabbing sleazeball,” Murray corrected. “Also a money-grubbing jerk and an all-around schmuck.”

— Stuart Gibbs

59. “Mom was big on commemorative dinners, throwing them for things as mundane as my getting elected captain of the school chess team, even though I was the only student on the school chess team.”

— Stuart Gibbs

60. “Inside, the grounds were surprisingly large. There were vast expanses of lawn that I assumed would be beautiful in spring, although they were currently buried under a foot of snow. And beyond the buildings stood a large, pristine swath of forest, untouched since the days when our forefathers had decided a fetid, malaria-ridden swamp on the Potomac River was the perfect place to build our nation’s capital.”

— Stuart Gibbs

61. “I can’t,” Zoe said. “But I can read French, and they’re related, so I can kind of put things together. From what I can tell, two people drowned in a freak scuba accident.” I watched the TV for a few moments, reading the subtitles. “Actually, this says two people were eaten by a crocodile.”

— Stuart Gibbs

62. “Ptolemy the Eighth, actually married his own daughter, which made his original wife – who he was still married to – his own mother-in-law. Which must have made Mother’s Day really confusing.”

— Stuart Gibbs

63. “If any real pirates had seen us, they probably would have taken offense at our stereotyping – but it appeared that, in our increasingly compassionate times, pirates were one of the few remaining groups of people whose culture we were allowed to insensitively appropriate.”

— Stuart Gibbs

64. “That’s disgusting,” Summer said. “Why would anyone ever want to kill anything?” “You’re eating a steak!” Ethan exclaimed. “Where do you think that came from? You think the cow committed suicide?”

— Stuart Gibbs

65. “Evan passed. “I’ve been down in that creepy place more than enough,” he said, and went to his room to play video games.”

— Stuart Gibbs

66. “But Einstein wasn’t merely a scientist. He was a lover of words as well, the rare intellectual who could write for the masses, a linguist who could toss off clever bon mots such as “Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity;.”

— Stuart Gibbs

67. “What do I look like to you, an idiot?” Almost any other time I would have answered yes.”

— Stuart Gibbs

68. “All we needed were guts, brains, and semiautomatic weapons.”

— Stuart Gibbs

69. “Death is a really good negotiating tactic.”

— Stuart Gibbs

70. “Mountain lions don’t eat pandas,” I said. It probably wasn’t true, but I was trying to be reassuring. “Why not?” Pete asked. “They don’t like Chinese food,” I said.”

— Stuart Gibbs

71. “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. – ALBERT EINSTEIN.”

— Stuart Gibbs

72. “Maybe we should change your code name to Hemorrhoid,” Charlie shot back. “Because you’re being a real pain in my rear end.”

— Stuart Gibbs

73. “Charlie had discovered that most men tended to assume they were smarter than women anyhow.”

— Stuart Gibbs

74. “Plants,” Kevin replied, like maybe I was the dumb one. “That’s what giraffes eat. They’re harpsichords, you know.” “You mean herbivores?” I asked. “Right!”

— Stuart Gibbs

75. “Things couldn’t possibly get worse.”

— Stuart Gibbs

76. “I hate that kid being right all the time.” “Wasn’t that why you wanted to recruit her in the first place?” Milana said.”

— Stuart Gibbs

77. “No junk food?” I asked. “Murray’s the least-healthy person I’ve ever met. I’m pretty sure he’s never eaten a vegetable unless it was garnishing a hamburger. Without junk food, I’m surprised he lasted a day without saying anything, let alone a month.”

— Stuart Gibbs

78. “Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Catherine said impatiently. “Girls, Benjamin will be happy to tutor both of you sometime soon. The boys won’t be able to attend tonight’s pep rally but will try not to miss your next party. Now, we really must go. If you don’t get out of our way, I’ll be forced to demonstrate the effects of chloroform on all of you.”

— Stuart Gibbs

79. “Know what else is tough?” I asked. “Getting falsely accused of being a pervert in front of the Secret Service.”

— Stuart Gibbs

80. “Technically, it’s the same body I’ve always had, but now it’s been tuned.”

— Stuart Gibbs

81. “I felt embarrassed, though I wasn’t sure if this was because Erica had fooled me, or because I was hearing her voice in my ear while I was naked.”

— Stuart Gibbs

82. “Both did their best to play dumb. Given that they were dumb, it shouldn’t have been that hard, and yet they didn’t do a very good job of it.”

— Stuart Gibbs

83. “Dante grimaced. “I didn’t soil myself. They just startled me, is all. I had no idea a rat could get that big.”

— Stuart Gibbs

84. “Her name can’t really be Myrtle Combat, can it?” “Of course not,” Erica replied. “Her real name is Prudence Buttercup, but that made her sound more like an interior decorator than an assassin. So she changed it. Lots of female assassins have pseudonyms: Dinah Mite, Barb Dwyer, Kay Ottic.”

— Stuart Gibbs

85. “Don’t hurt Yogi!” yelled the German father, who still didn’t know who I was supposed to be.”

— Stuart Gibbs

86. “How?” Erica asked Murray. “I’ll put the whole organization in a box, stick a bow on it, and then leave it under your Christmas tree,” Murray said sarcastically.”

— Stuart Gibbs

87. “The CIA isn’t allowed to use torture anymore,” Cyrus replied testily, like this was a bad thing. Cyrus was a talented spy, but, like Erica, he wasn’t much of a people person. He was gruff and curt on a good day – and this obviously wasn’t a good day.”

— Stuart Gibbs

88. “You threw a sloth at her,” I said. “It was self-defense,” Summer informed me.”

— Stuart Gibbs

89. “You never fail until you stop trying. – ALBERT EINSTEIN.”

— Stuart Gibbs

90. “Apparently, some agents like to listen to music when safecracking.”

— Stuart Gibbs

91. “It’s labeled ‘Top Secret Codes.”

— Stuart Gibbs

92. “I couldn’t guarantee that. And given that I’d just opened fire on a Secret Service motorcade, I couldn’t exactly go for a stroll around the Reflecting Pool.”

— Stuart Gibbs

93. “Half her luggage was ammunition. Who brings grenades on a ski vacation?”

— Stuart Gibbs

94. “The zebras have been very jealous of all the attention the giraffes are getting and decided to kill them all. But since they don’t have opposable thumbs, they had to hire a chimpanzee as the hit man.”

— Stuart Gibbs

95. “The shed looked like a great place to hide. So I didn’t hide there.”

— Stuart Gibbs

96. “Harlan Kelly,” Erica reported. “And Lydia Greenwald-Smith.” “Our professors?” Zoe exclaimed. “I loved Dr. Greenwald-Smith’s class.” “Not me,” Mike said. “I suspected she was evil. She gave me a D on my counterespionage exam last week.”

— Stuart Gibbs

97. “I think you’re right,” Dante agreed. “Of course I’m right,” Charlie told him. “I’m me.”

— Stuart Gibbs

98. “Mike stared out the window at the closest dumpster. Two rats the size of Chihuahuas were fighting to the death over a soggy pizza crust. “Doesn’t look that impressive,” Mike observed.”

— Stuart Gibbs