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Top 25 A. P. Herbert Quotes (2025 Update)

A. P. Herbert Quote: “The portions of a woman which appeal to man’s depravity Are constructed with considerable care.”

1. “The portions of a woman which appeal to man’s depravity Are constructed with considerable care.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Don’t let’s go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.”

2. “Don’t let’s go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.”

3. “If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Let’s find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.”

4. “Let’s find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.”

5. “Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Let’s stop somebody from doing something! Everybody does too much.”

6. “Let’s stop somebody from doing something! Everybody does too much.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.”

7. “An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.”

8. “The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn’t any Board, and now there isn’t any Trade.”

9. “This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn’t any Board, and now there isn’t any Trade.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.”

10. “The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.”

11. “Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.”

12. “There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.”

13. “As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.”

14. “A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.”

15. “The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.”

16. “People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.”

17. “Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me.”

18. “My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it’s jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!”

19. “Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it’s jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.”

20. “A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.”

21. “An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.”

22. “A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.”

23. “The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “Greenfly, it’s difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.”

24. “Greenfly, it’s difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.”

— A. P. Herbert

A. P. Herbert Quote: “For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.”

25. “For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.”

— A. P. Herbert

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