Top 5 Alan Goldsher Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I said to him, “State your business, mortal!” There was no need for me to call him “mortal” or to speak like a sixteenth-century knight. It just sounded cool.”

— Alan Goldsher

2. “George Harrison: Paul transformed me in my bedroom, and it was awkward, to say the least. It was like being on a blind date, complete with stilted conversation and elliptical innuendo. He said, “So.” Then I said, “So.” Then he said, “So.” Then I said, “So.” That went on for, I dunno, five minutes or something.”

— Alan Goldsher

3. “Before John could even get through the first verse, who bursts through the door and jumps right into the fray, lips a’kissin’ and hips a’wigglin’? That’s right, kids, everbody’s favorite zombie hunter. Mick Jagger strode right up to John, raised his arms to the sky, and said, ‘O zombie Lennon! It ends here.”

— Alan Goldsher

4. “George had taken off all ten of his fingers and tied them into a bundle with what appeared to be either his own small intestines, or a guitar string; as I walked into the room, he lovingly placed the bundle on his head.”

— Alan Goldsher

5. “Who’s Stephenie Meyer? And why does she spell Stephanie as Stephenie?”

— Alan Goldsher

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