Top 300 Alexis Hall Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “Okay, this was going to be way more fun if I’d accidentally brought mean Oliver with me.”

— Alexis Hall

152. “Who responds to a come-on with I beg your pardon?”

— Alexis Hall

153. “You’re not a loser, Toby. You’re just lost. And it’s okay to be lost.”

— Alexis Hall

154. “Three months ago Valentine would have said no because it was easy to be gracious when you were largely indifferent. When manner were just another mask. Three weeks ago, he would have said yes because his wounded pride demanded it. But what Valentine cared about, and what he didn’t, had been in the oddest state of flux lately.”

— Alexis Hall

155. “You really do own your illiteracy, don’t you?” “Yeah, I’m thinking about moving to America and running for public office.”

— Alexis Hall

156. “We are all the playground of angels and demons.”

— Alexis Hall

157. “Oh, you fuckguzzling shitweasel.”

— Alexis Hall

158. “As a general rule, I’m suspicious of unassuming men in their late fifties because they’re usually terrifying supernatural monsters.”

— Alexis Hall

159. “A moment of clarity within the haze of convalescence: perhaps in death, I may find myself at last.”

— Alexis Hall

160. “And what I’m saying is obviously I’d cope without you because wonderful as you are, I like to think this isn’t a codependent relationship. But I’d rather not have to. My life is more interesting with you in it, and you make me a worse person.”

— Alexis Hall

161. “Yeah. Turns out bisexuals ain’t like quinoa. You get ’em round my way too.”

— Alexis Hall

162. “He could probably save a few but not hundreds, and how would you decide who lives and who dies? It’s the only way, sweeting.” She slithered over and kissed my nose. “But it’s adorable that you care.” “I’m not sure that opposing mass murder counts as a cute little foible.”

— Alexis Hall

163. “I used to think I had imposter syndrome, but then I realized I was only pretending.”

— Alexis Hall

164. “To reiterate, I’m not a serial killer.”

— Alexis Hall

165. “For the record, I sounded extremely dignified when I said this. And not at all pathetic.”

— Alexis Hall

166. “I think what you’re underestimating here is how much better I can get and still be a complete disaster.”

— Alexis Hall

167. “I knew how to be a friend, a lover, a partner. I knew how to make someone feel cherished and seen and listened to – everything I had myself always so desperately wanted and been afraid I might never have because I was so used to being overlooked.”

— Alexis Hall

168. “I’m advocating taking a chance on a nice man who you’re clearly into and who’ll treat you well. And if you think that’s arson, then yay, arson.”

— Alexis Hall

169. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be. Or how I find out.”

— Alexis Hall

170. “The game went on for about two hours. People hit balls to places. Occasionally they would go other places, and people would cheer. This is my experience of all sport ever.”

— Alexis Hall

171. “I’d somehow lost the cornerstone of humanity: the ability to pretend, to counterfeit the basics of social interaction, to smile when you didn’t feel like smiling, to seem like you cared about other people when you lacked the capacity to care about yourself.”

— Alexis Hall

172. “Okay, I know you can’t see it, but I’m holding up the fetishisation card.” “What does that card even look like?” “It looks like two adorable men in sweaters holding hands under a rainbow.” “I thought you wanted to hold hands with an adorable man under a rainbow.” “I do, but the fact you want it almost as much as I do is what makes it creepy.”

— Alexis Hall

173. “I quietly ignored the banana.”

— Alexis Hall

174. “I cannot meet him as a stranger. But he has never known me as myself.”

— Alexis Hall

175. “I am very fond of the instructional poster on the subject of surviving a zombie apocalypse, but I feel it lacks emotional resonance.”

— Alexis Hall

176. “Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time.”

— Alexis Hall

177. “I was getting that I Am Legend feeling again, although the Legend part was especially ill-fitting. I Am Minor Folktale.”

— Alexis Hall

178. “I don’t know how to live. I never did.”

— Alexis Hall

179. “I know the feeling. Last month my valet was sick and I could barely keep it together.”

— Alexis Hall

180. “I can’t believe you’re giggling at my childhood trauma.”

— Alexis Hall

181. “A simple pun about a slightly obsolete public-sector job had turned into a debate about the long-term impacts of Thatcherism.”

— Alexis Hall

182. “What about you, old man? Have you ever sissied that walk?”

— Alexis Hall

183. “Bitter experience has taught me that you don’t engage with intellectually superior wankers who make long speeches about moral relativism.”

— Alexis Hall

184. “I want to give him everything, and the things I can’t give, I want him to take.”

— Alexis Hall

185. “The future is terrifying because it’s full of stuff, not because it’s empty.”

— Alexis Hall

186. “Eat it, motherbitches.”

— Alexis Hall

187. “I am not sure love unshown is really love at all. What good does caring for a person do if you’re never there when they need you?”

— Alexis Hall

188. “Though I’ve honestly been hoping there comes a point in your life when you stop worrying about what your parents think.”

— Alexis Hall

189. “Il problema dell’attribuire il giusto valore a qualcosa era il dolore che ne seguiva la perdita.”

— Alexis Hall

190. “I was slightly depressed that I lived the kind of life where you needed a sewer kit, but the only thing more depressing than having a sewer kit is needing a sewer kit and not having one.”

— Alexis Hall

191. “Are you attempting to convey information, or are you trying to recreate a popular Abbott and Costello routine?” “What are you talking about?” “I am sorry. I thought you may have wanted me to reply ‘I don’t know’ so that you could respond with ‘No, I don’t know’s a werewolf.’” “Elise, you can rest easy in the knowledge that I would never want you to do that.” “That, Miss Kane, is because you have no soul.”

— Alexis Hall

192. “The trees were different here, less friendly than those in the city. They gathered in unwelcoming mobs and glared angrily at the car as we passed. I suppose I could not blame them, for they were losing their homes to the roads and the bridges, and that must have been terrifying for beings that had persisted for centuries.”

— Alexis Hall

193. “God, you’re sexy when you’re being an idiot.”

— Alexis Hall

194. “Punching him would be more satisfying, but ignoring him would be more effective. Decisions, decisions.”

— Alexis Hall

195. “Isn’t that what being twenty is all about?” “Being an idiot?” “No.” She grinned, looking all impish and twinkly. “I meant, falling for unsuitable people. Breaking hearts and having your heart broken. Living the stories that are worth telling.”

— Alexis Hall

196. “But Oliver had the sort of perfect symmetry that eighteenth-century philosophers would have taken as evidence for the existence of God.”

— Alexis Hall

197. “Oliver shook both their hands with the disarming formality of a man who was professionally formal and disarming.”

— Alexis Hall

198. “Where he could be my Oliver again.”

— Alexis Hall

199. “And I was pretty sure this was how love felt: fuzzy and scary and confusing and light enough to whisk you away like a Tesco’s bag on the wind.”

— Alexis Hall

200. “Kink crowds are the same the world over. The good ones are already taken, the hot ones only talk to each other, and everyone else is desperate.”

— Alexis Hall