Top 80 Alice Clayton Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Just because we didn’t work out as a couple didn’t mean we couldn’t work together, right?”

— Alice Clayton

2. “He was wooing me. And I was letting him woo. I wanted the woo. I deserved the woo. I needed the wow that would surely follow the woo, but for now, the woo? It was whoa.”

— Alice Clayton

3. “Stop it. If you say sorry one more time I’m gonna go find something of yours and pee on it, I swear.”

— Alice Clayton

4. “No really – listen. I believe in signs, and that things are meant to be, I truly do. But try and be open to anything, okay? It doesn’t always have to be so hard. Sometimes falling in love just means turning around and seeing what’s right in front of you.”

— Alice Clayton

5. “He was the yin to my yang, the frick to my frack, the melba toast to my Chex.”

— Alice Clayton

6. “It was like pulling one loose thread on a sweater, and suddenly, poof, no sweater! And you’re standing naked in a new hotel with terrible lighting.”

— Alice Clayton

7. “The right woman for you wouldn’t want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn’t rock your boat, she’d jump right in and sail it with you.”

— Alice Clayton

8. “You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn’t possibly be more content? I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it.”

— Alice Clayton

9. “Bring it on home, Wallbanger.”

— Alice Clayton

10. “He was everything I’d ever wanted, and everything I hadn’t even known I needed.”

— Alice Clayton

11. “He pushed me back up against the door, slamming me against the doorbell. I heard it ring out. “Coming!” I heard Holly say as she clicked across the floor to the front door. “Not quite, but she’s close.” He chuckled, removing his hand and leaving me breathless and rosy cheeked.”

— Alice Clayton

12. “You give good woo.”

— Alice Clayton

13. “Always take a compliment, Caroline. Always take it for the way it was intended. You girls are always so quick to twist what others say. Simply say thank you and move on.”

— Alice Clayton

14. “Maybe you’ll show up at my back door with your nuts again.”

— Alice Clayton

15. “Peeling apples, just peeling apples. Didn’t feel your boobs. No, no, not me.”

— Alice Clayton

16. “You smell like tequila and sexual repression, Caroline.”

— Alice Clayton

17. “It doesn’t always have to be so hard. Sometimes falling in love just means turning around and seeing what’s right in front of you.”

— Alice Clayton

18. “No way, buddy. I’m not machuuing your pichu now. Huh-uh.”

— Alice Clayton

19. “Be aware of the walls you build and what could be on the other side.”

— Alice Clayton

20. “What the hell is on my wedding dress?” The fastest way to get demoted from bridesmaid to dishonored guest is to vomit on the bride’s wedding gown. But if you do ever vomit on a wedding gown, make sure the bride is the perfect mix of anal-retentive, hyper planner, and fairy-tale whimsical.”

— Alice Clayton

21. “I want to be romanced; I want to be swept away – I want something special, rare, passionate, out of the ordinary!”

— Alice Clayton

22. “I literally could not feel more cozy right now if I were actually inside a marshmallow.”

— Alice Clayton

23. “I liked my environment clean. Neat. Orderly. Hospital corners? Yes, please. Can labels showing to the front? Thank you kindly. How else could you see what’s in the can?”

— Alice Clayton

24. “It wasn’t sweet and tentative, it was pure carnal frustration spiked with incomprehensible lust and rolled into a giant ball of please-god-let-me-live-in-this-man’s-mouth-for-the-foreseeable-future.”

— Alice Clayton

25. “Simon does commando. God bless America.”

— Alice Clayton

26. “She realized it wasn’t about the wedding; it was about the marriage. Her. Him. Together. She got married barefoot because all she cared about was him. That guy. And the throw-up shoes weren’t going to stop that from happening.”

— Alice Clayton

27. “My shirt bunched up around my waist, and the feeling of his hi-there against my hoohah was indescribable.”

— Alice Clayton

28. “Have to keep those lawns as green as possible, even when there was a drought, you know. Or my smile and nod when Mrs. Snodgrass went on and on about a racy book that everyone was talking about but no one would admit to reading, when in fact I know every woman there had read it. I even smiled and nodded when Mr. Peterson lectured us about illegal immigration, when I knew for a fact that his nanny was undocumented.”

— Alice Clayton

29. “They say time is elastic. Sometimes an hour passes in an instant while you scratch and cling at every second as they go by, willing them to slow down. Sometimes, an instant stretches out to an hour, when everything runs in super slow-mo, time itself elongated as the edges blue and the colors run.”

— Alice Clayton

30. “Simon thought I was lovely. Was the Giggler out of the harem? Was there even a harem left? What did this mean? Would I only think in questions now? And if so, who is Eric Cartman’s father?”

— Alice Clayton

31. “Well, considering my entire life, now seems rules by odd coincidences, I figure it’s right on track.”

— Alice Clayton

32. “He was wooing me. And I was letting him woo. I wanted the woo. I deserved the woo.”

— Alice Clayton

33. “It’s like kissing a Jack ’o’ Lantern. What’s with the grin?”

— Alice Clayton

34. “I started to roll my eyes, but that hurt. The right one was pressed so firmly against the peephole, you see.”

— Alice Clayton

35. “As Jim Morrison said, this is the strangest life I’ve ever known.”

— Alice Clayton

36. “Love is messy, painful and emotionally draining. It hardly seems worth it.”

— Alice Clayton

37. “The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?”

— Alice Clayton

38. “I’m a reasonably attractive young gal, great rack, nice legs, and never had any complaints in the sack. But I’d never been – cue sad music – in love before. And no one had ever been – cue sadder music – in love with me.”

— Alice Clayton

39. “We engaged in the random chitchat that people do, wrapped up in each other and looking at the stars.”

— Alice Clayton

40. “I will play Truth or Dare, you sucker, until you can’t tell your truth from your dare. -CAROLINE.”

— Alice Clayton

41. “I knew I should have changed your name from Nightie Girl to Naughty Girl.”

— Alice Clayton

42. “You’re here and I’m here and we’re here and this is so much more than enough because it’s everything.”

— Alice Clayton

43. “Before I eat your bagel, we should be formally introduced, don’t you think?”

— Alice Clayton

44. “Twenty-four year olds were my new favourite thing. I needed to tell Oprah to put them on her list.”

— Alice Clayton

45. “I agree with you. Everyone gets lonely sometimes.”

— Alice Clayton

46. “I wouldn’t say I know him, but I’m familiar with his work.”

— Alice Clayton

47. “I’m a practical romantic. I can actually see some appeal in having a guy who travels a lot, because, frankly? I like my space. I also take up the entire bed, so it’s difficult for me to sleep with anyone.”

— Alice Clayton

48. “I rolled my eyes. Yes boys. You can both write your names in the snow. The question is who would make bigger letters.”

— Alice Clayton

49. “But as close as friends and lovers could be, there was something about belonging to someone completely that gave you roots – roots you sometimes needed when the world battled against you.”

— Alice Clayton

50. “Dark chocolate was supposed to be good for you, right?”

— Alice Clayton