Top 30 Andrew Shaffer Quotes (2024 Update)

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Opinions are like elbows: everybody has one. Most have more than one.”

1. “Opinions are like elbows: everybody has one. Most have more than one.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Just remember, you don’t judge a man’s character by what he does when things are easy. You judge him by what he does when they’re hard.”

2. “Just remember, you don’t judge a man’s character by what he does when things are easy. You judge him by what he does when they’re hard.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “I have hobbies,” he says, smirking. “Physical pursuits: Base-jumping, hang-gliding, underwater basket-weaving.”

3. “I have hobbies,” he says, smirking. “Physical pursuits: Base-jumping, hang-gliding, underwater basket-weaving.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Our pain is ours, and ours alone. All others can do is mitigate the damage.”

4. “Our pain is ours, and ours alone. All others can do is mitigate the damage.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We do have funerals for the living,” Jill said. “They’re called birthday parties.”

5. “We do have funerals for the living,” Jill said. “They’re called birthday parties.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “It’s fifteen minutes until two when I arrive – just in time for the interview. I walk through the glass doors and into the lobby, which is also floor-to-ceiling glass and steel. This fascinates me, because buildings back in Portland are made of grass and mud.”

6. “It’s fifteen minutes until two when I arrive – just in time for the interview. I walk through the glass doors and into the lobby, which is also floor-to-ceiling glass and steel. This fascinates me, because buildings back in Portland are made of grass and mud.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We stood there in the doorway, Barack and me, staring into each other’s eyes like a couple of gunslingers ready to face off at high noon. Except it was past five o’clock, I was in my boxers, and neither of us had a six-shooter.”

7. “We stood there in the doorway, Barack and me, staring into each other’s eyes like a couple of gunslingers ready to face off at high noon. Except it was past five o’clock, I was in my boxers, and neither of us had a six-shooter.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We don’t abandon our friends just because the going gets rough.”

8. “We don’t abandon our friends just because the going gets rough.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “There are certain things worth getting mad about. Injustice is one of them. The greatest sins on this earth are committed by people of standing and means who abuse their power.”

9. “There are certain things worth getting mad about. Injustice is one of them. The greatest sins on this earth are committed by people of standing and means who abuse their power.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We passed a pickup that was doing fifty-five in a fifty-five. Clearly a sociopath.”

10. “We passed a pickup that was doing fifty-five in a fifty-five. Clearly a sociopath.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “The current administration knew how to do one thing right: If you wanted to push through an unpopular agenda with minimal resistance, distract the bastards. Do something every day to grab the headlines – something big, bold, and preferably stupid – thereby banishing the dull stories about how you were systematically dismantling the country to the back pages with the Hagar comics.”

11. “The current administration knew how to do one thing right: If you wanted to push through an unpopular agenda with minimal resistance, distract the bastards. Do something every day to grab the headlines – something big, bold, and preferably stupid – thereby banishing the dull stories about how you were systematically dismantling the country to the back pages with the Hagar comics.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “You can survive up to three weeks without food. You can only survive for three days without water. No one knows how many days you can survive without caffeine.”

12. “You can survive up to three weeks without food. You can only survive for three days without water. No one knows how many days you can survive without caffeine.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Guns, gold, jewelry, and DVDs,” Barack said, reading the window signage. “The story of America. All that’s missing are the Bibles.”

13. “Guns, gold, jewelry, and DVDs,” Barack said, reading the window signage. “The story of America. All that’s missing are the Bibles.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “There are certain things worth getting mad about. Injustice is one of them.”

14. “There are certain things worth getting mad about. Injustice is one of them.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Abby had a little experience with the rap genre already – she used to spit rhymes with this little blond neighbor kid when she would visit her aunt and uncle in Detroit. Marshall something. Great kid. A little tightly wound.”

15. “Abby had a little experience with the rap genre already – she used to spit rhymes with this little blond neighbor kid when she would visit her aunt and uncle in Detroit. Marshall something. Great kid. A little tightly wound.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “The changes we’d made were being rolled back by the new administration. It was almost like we’d never been in office.”

16. “The changes we’d made were being rolled back by the new administration. It was almost like we’d never been in office.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “As long as you have hope,” he said, repeating his words from that day, “you’re still in the game.”

17. “As long as you have hope,” he said, repeating his words from that day, “you’re still in the game.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “As Khaled Hosseini writes, it’s better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.”

18. “As Khaled Hosseini writes, it’s better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Son of a buttermilk biscuit,” I said, grimacing. “We got bamboozled.”

19. “Son of a buttermilk biscuit,” I said, grimacing. “We got bamboozled.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We were entering a new age, one where there were no absolutes like right or wrong. The worst part was that it felt like everyone else had already been living there for a long time. I was finally just catching on.”

20. “We were entering a new age, one where there were no absolutes like right or wrong. The worst part was that it felt like everyone else had already been living there for a long time. I was finally just catching on.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Why does your dart board have Bradley Cooper’s picture on it?” “It’s not important,” I said. “Not anymore.”

21. “Why does your dart board have Bradley Cooper’s picture on it?” “It’s not important,” I said. “Not anymore.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “NOTE: In the rare situation a megatsunami washes a T. rex into your path, you won’t be carrying a weapon large enough to hurt it. If it’s intent on eating you, it will eat you. However, you will be killed by the coolest dinosaur ever. Most people go their whole lives without ever seeing a T. rex in person. Do you know how lucky you are?”

22. “NOTE: In the rare situation a megatsunami washes a T. rex into your path, you won’t be carrying a weapon large enough to hurt it. If it’s intent on eating you, it will eat you. However, you will be killed by the coolest dinosaur ever. Most people go their whole lives without ever seeing a T. rex in person. Do you know how lucky you are?”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We sat in silence. I could still see Barack inside at the register, talking animatedly with his hands. The woman behind the counter was, for her part, transfixed. Give him five minutes, and Barack could have an atheist singing hymns.”

23. “We sat in silence. I could still see Barack inside at the register, talking animatedly with his hands. The woman behind the counter was, for her part, transfixed. Give him five minutes, and Barack could have an atheist singing hymns.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “For the first time since he showed up in my checkout lane, I let my eyes wander the full length of his body. The bulge in his running down the side of his pants leg is quite noticeable; either he has a banana in his pocket, or he’s happy to see me. Then I notice a similar bulge running down the side of his other pants leg. Either he has two bananas in his pockets, or he has two erections.”

24. “For the first time since he showed up in my checkout lane, I let my eyes wander the full length of his body. The bulge in his running down the side of his pants leg is quite noticeable; either he has a banana in his pocket, or he’s happy to see me. Then I notice a similar bulge running down the side of his other pants leg. Either he has two bananas in his pockets, or he has two erections.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Cell phones give you the illusion of protection, but are no real help if things really get rough. Same as guns. Most gun-fights are over within seconds. There is rarely enough time for a victim to pull their piece. There’s something powerful about the illusion of protection, though. Something comforting.”

25. “Cell phones give you the illusion of protection, but are no real help if things really get rough. Same as guns. Most gun-fights are over within seconds. There is rarely enough time for a victim to pull their piece. There’s something powerful about the illusion of protection, though. Something comforting.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “We passed a pickup that was doing fifty-five in a fifty-five. Clearly a sociopath. Maybe in Middle America it was acceptable to drive the speed limit, but not on the coast. If you weren’t doing at least ten over, you were liable to be run off the road.”

26. “We passed a pickup that was doing fifty-five in a fifty-five. Clearly a sociopath. Maybe in Middle America it was acceptable to drive the speed limit, but not on the coast. If you weren’t doing at least ten over, you were liable to be run off the road.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “When a cemetery dies, where do you bury it?”

27. “When a cemetery dies, where do you bury it?”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Maybe adults weren’t meant to have friends. We could have acquaintances, and we could have coworkers. We could have bosses and employees. But friends? Friends were for children. It was time for me to grow up.”

28. “Maybe adults weren’t meant to have friends. We could have acquaintances, and we could have coworkers. We could have bosses and employees. But friends? Friends were for children. It was time for me to grow up.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “I stepped through the open door. Inside the clubhouse was pitch-black. I couldn’t see a thing, including my own nose. It took me a second to figure out that was because of my sunglasses. Once I took them off, I could see better. Funny how that works.”

29. “I stepped through the open door. Inside the clubhouse was pitch-black. I couldn’t see a thing, including my own nose. It took me a second to figure out that was because of my sunglasses. Once I took them off, I could see better. Funny how that works.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “The moral arc of the universe bends toward justice, but sometimes the universe needs a little help.”

30. “The moral arc of the universe bends toward justice, but sometimes the universe needs a little help.”

— Andrew Shaffer

Andrew Shaffer Quote: “Barack once told me that, at the end of the day, every one of us is just part of a long-running story. All we can do is try to get our paragraph right.”

31. “Barack once told me that, at the end of the day, every one of us is just part of a long-running story. All we can do is try to get our paragraph right.”

— Andrew Shaffer

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