Top 60 Andy Borowitz Quotes (2024 Update)
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Andy Borowitz Quote: “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”

51. “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.”

52. “The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “Nine months earlier, when Olivia and I were exchanging wedding vows, we made absolutely no mention of shoving enemas up each other’s asses. And yet here we are. This is what it means to love and be loved.”

53. “Nine months earlier, when Olivia and I were exchanging wedding vows, we made absolutely no mention of shoving enemas up each other’s asses. And yet here we are. This is what it means to love and be loved.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “An elementary school student in South Carolina stumped him with a gotcha question even more challenging than Hiller’s about the president of Chechnya: What was his favorite book as a child? “I can’t remember any specific books,” he said. Later, responding to a similar query in a written questionnaire, he summoned an answer: The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Though that book might have been his favorite, it was published a year after he graduated from Yale.”

54. “An elementary school student in South Carolina stumped him with a gotcha question even more challenging than Hiller’s about the president of Chechnya: What was his favorite book as a child? “I can’t remember any specific books,” he said. Later, responding to a similar query in a written questionnaire, he summoned an answer: The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Though that book might have been his favorite, it was published a year after he graduated from Yale.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “Given the alarming state of his knowledge, you might wonder what job he could get. Unfortunately, he’s not hypothetical, and the job he got, in 2016, was president of the United States.”

55. “Given the alarming state of his knowledge, you might wonder what job he could get. Unfortunately, he’s not hypothetical, and the job he got, in 2016, was president of the United States.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “Who’s the most ignorant person the United States is willing to elect?”

56. “Who’s the most ignorant person the United States is willing to elect?”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “Over the past fifty years, what some of our most prominent politicians didn’t know could fill a book. This is that book.”

57. “Over the past fifty years, what some of our most prominent politicians didn’t know could fill a book. This is that book.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “Quayle was George Bush 2.0, sharing not just the original model’s privileged upbringing but also his hapless steel-cage match with the English language.”

58. “Quayle was George Bush 2.0, sharing not just the original model’s privileged upbringing but also his hapless steel-cage match with the English language.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “What happens when you combine ignorance with performing talent? A president who tells the country to inject bleach.”

59. “What happens when you combine ignorance with performing talent? A president who tells the country to inject bleach.”

— Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Quote: “I want the president of the United States to be intellectually curious for a simple reason: I think the person running the country should be smarter than I am. We’ve just lived through the alternative, and it was only good for the liquor industry.”

60. “I want the president of the United States to be intellectually curious for a simple reason: I think the person running the country should be smarter than I am. We’ve just lived through the alternative, and it was only good for the liquor industry.”

— Andy Borowitz

Motivational Quotes

Motivational Quotes

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Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Positive Quotes

Positive Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

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Motivational Quotes

Motivational Quotes

INSPIRATIONAL SUCCESS MOTIVATIONAL

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS INSPIRATIONAL

Positive Quotes

Positive Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS INSPIRATIONAL

Steve Jobs Quotes

Steve Jobs Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS APPLE

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Inspirational Quotes

COURAGE MOTIVATIONAL STRENGTH

Swami Vivekananda Quotes

Swami Vivekananda Quotes

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