1. “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
— Bernard Manning
Christmas Quotes, Quotes About Kids
2. “I’ve got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you’re 71 years old. People just think I’m a silly old fool.”
3. “I’m not saying my mother-in-law is fat – because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.”
4. “We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.”
5. “I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as women.”
6. “Uncyclopedia isn’t funny anymore.”
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