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Top 60 Bill Bailey Quotes (2025 Update)
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Bill Bailey Quote: “Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.”

51. “Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.”

52. “There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.”

53. “I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?””

54. “Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?””

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.”

55. “Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.”

56. “I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “On GM crops: I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of velcro, to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles. But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding velcro so it’s a bit of a long shot.”

57. “On GM crops: I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of velcro, to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles. But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding velcro so it’s a bit of a long shot.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.”

58. “Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.”

59. “Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.”

60. “It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.”

61. “Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.”

62. “Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.”

— Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey Quote: “Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently...”

63. “Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently...”

— Bill Bailey

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