Top 90 Bob Saget Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you’re fine.”

— Bob Saget

52. “If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.”

— Bob Saget

53. “My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.”

— Bob Saget

54. “My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.”

— Bob Saget

55. “My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.”

— Bob Saget

56. “Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, ‘you don’t mention that part here.’ But that’s what’s interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.”

— Bob Saget

57. “If you go with Marshall McLuhan’s theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you’re hosting a blooper show, you’re done.”

— Bob Saget

58. “The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.”

— Bob Saget

59. “It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.”

— Bob Saget

60. “Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.”

— Bob Saget

61. “Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don’t know how anybody’s getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.”

— Bob Saget

62. “A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!”

— Bob Saget

63. “Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?”

— Bob Saget

64. “25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.”

— Bob Saget

65. “I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.”

— Bob Saget

66. “Around comics, I’ve always been known for, oh, that’s not dirty, this is dirty.”

— Bob Saget

67. “As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can’t operate on myself.”

— Bob Saget

68. “I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they’re going to see it, especially her guy friends.”

— Bob Saget

69. “I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.”

— Bob Saget

70. “My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.”

— Bob Saget

71. “A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.”

— Bob Saget

72. “Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that’s really what The Aristocrats is based on – what will a family do out of desperation.”

— Bob Saget

73. “I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.”

— Bob Saget

74. “Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.”

— Bob Saget

75. “Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?”

— Bob Saget

76. “I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.”

— Bob Saget

77. “Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?”

— Bob Saget

78. “It’s so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.”

— Bob Saget

79. “My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.”

— Bob Saget

80. “Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.”

— Bob Saget

81. “Everyone I love I pay.”

— Bob Saget

82. “Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?”

— Bob Saget

83. “My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.”

— Bob Saget

84. “The Comedy Store – all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren’t funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren’t accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.”

— Bob Saget

85. “What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.”

— Bob Saget

86. “I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.”

— Bob Saget

87. “I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.”

— Bob Saget

88. “When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.”

— Bob Saget

89. “It’s smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.”

— Bob Saget

90. “I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.”

— Bob Saget

91. “People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.”

— Bob Saget

92. “It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.”

— Bob Saget

93. “I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.”

— Bob Saget

94. “Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.”

— Bob Saget

95. “I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that Ive had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitzs play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.”

— Bob Saget

96. “If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.”

— Bob Saget

97. “What I’ve learned about comedy people is that they’re defined by the harshest level they’ve been to, their personal Auschwitz.”

— Bob Saget

98. “A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.”

— Bob Saget

99. “There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.”

— Bob Saget