Top 90 Bob Saget Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn’t work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life...”

— Bob Saget

2. “Valuable people are undervalued.”

— Bob Saget

3. “Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.”

— Bob Saget

4. “If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.”

— Bob Saget

5. “Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.”

— Bob Saget

6. “Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.”

— Bob Saget

7. “If ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ how do you explain zombies?”

— Bob Saget

8. “My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.”

— Bob Saget

9. “No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.”

— Bob Saget

10. “Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.”

— Bob Saget

11. “I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them.”

— Bob Saget

12. “Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.”

— Bob Saget

13. “When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?”

— Bob Saget

14. “Aristotle said, Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Isn’t that a three-way?”

— Bob Saget

15. “I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?”

— Bob Saget

16. “One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.”

— Bob Saget

17. “My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.”

— Bob Saget

18. “Words matter. Especially if you’re kicking someone’s ass in words with friends.”

— Bob Saget

19. “I don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.”

— Bob Saget

20. “I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.”

— Bob Saget

21. “At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.”

— Bob Saget

22. “When you have a good time there is no time.”

— Bob Saget

23. “I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.”

— Bob Saget

24. “I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.”

— Bob Saget

25. “Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.”

— Bob Saget

26. “Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.”

— Bob Saget

27. “There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that’s about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don’t see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.”

— Bob Saget

28. “It’s a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is – reading the news or speaking to people.”

— Bob Saget

29. “You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.”

— Bob Saget

30. “I can’t do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.”

— Bob Saget

31. “They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?”

— Bob Saget

32. “I don’t like the negative of reality tv – the ‘you’re no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.’ It’s all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.”

— Bob Saget

33. “If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?”

— Bob Saget

34. “It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.”

— Bob Saget

35. “I love my mom! You can too for $12!”

— Bob Saget

36. “Nobody can tell me what I can or can’t do, except they can.”

— Bob Saget

37. “I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.”

— Bob Saget

38. “Some dead people said smart stuff.”

— Bob Saget

39. “Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.”

— Bob Saget

40. “I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.”

— Bob Saget

41. “Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn’t even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.”

— Bob Saget

42. “The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.”

— Bob Saget

43. “I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don’t love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I’ve got three daughters so we’ll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.”

— Bob Saget

44. “I become a chameleon for wherever I am.”

— Bob Saget

45. “Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.”

— Bob Saget

46. “My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.”

— Bob Saget

47. “Soon, I’m going to meet somebody around my own age, and she’s going to be smart and beautiful, and I’m going to date her daughter.”

— Bob Saget

48. “Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.”

— Bob Saget

49. “My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.”

— Bob Saget

50. “I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.”

— Bob Saget