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Top 8 Brad Wilkerson Quotes (2025 Update)

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it’s frowned upon at the strip club.”

1. “Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it’s frowned upon at the strip club.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “They say that dog is man’s best friend, and I think it’s true. My dog does a lot of the same stuff my best friend does, like drool on my couch, mooch my food and hump my wife.”

2. “They say that dog is man’s best friend, and I think it’s true. My dog does a lot of the same stuff my best friend does, like drool on my couch, mooch my food and hump my wife.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.”

3. “Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I find it’s often in huge tits, too.”

4. “They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I find it’s often in huge tits, too.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “Light up a spliff and hit the strip club.”

5. “Light up a spliff and hit the strip club.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “As an enlisted sailor, I don’t feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I’m going to change my last name to Stains. My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.”

6. “As an enlisted sailor, I don’t feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I’m going to change my last name to Stains. My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line.”

7. “I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line.”

— Brad Wilkerson

Brad Wilkerson Quote: “I recently read that Arnold Schwarzenegger collects Hummers. Now we know why Maria’s face is frozen in that puckered position.”

8. “I recently read that Arnold Schwarzenegger collects Hummers. Now we know why Maria’s face is frozen in that puckered position.”

— Brad Wilkerson

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