Top 200 Caitlin Moran Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “I’ve got more friends than I’ve ever had in my life at the age of 39 – although given that I didn’t have any friends until the age of 27, it doesn’t say much – because I found the internet.”

— Caitlin Moran

52. “All the things that are taboo are the things that are not normal, and all the things that are not normal are the things that are exclusively about physically being a woman.”

— Caitlin Moran

53. “You can always tell when a woman is with the wrong man, because she has so much to say about the fact that nothing’s happening.”

— Caitlin Moran

54. “The next few weeks are some of the worst of my life, because I have discovered something amazing: that some people aren’t just people, but a place – a whole world. Sometimes you find someone you could live in for the rest of your life.”

— Caitlin Moran

55. “I never wanted to be famous. It was amusing at first, but now I hate it. I just wanted to be respected by people I respect. And I wanted to be rich. It’s best to get rich, then you can do what you want.”

— Caitlin Moran

56. “Feminism means something – legislation, cultural change – but ‘Girl Power’ meant nothing more than being friends with your friends.”

— Caitlin Moran

57. “I feel in my bones that Lady Gaga is a true strident feminist and good for my soul – but how do I square this with the fact that she’s constantly walking around in her bra and pants, even at, like, airports and stuff, where even nudists wear a fleece and linen drawstring trousers?”

— Caitlin Moran

58. “Let’s all go and be feminists in the pub.”

— Caitlin Moran

59. “I love puffins. They are small, round gothic birds, and their babies are called pufflings.”

— Caitlin Moran

60. “Friends, we live in a caffeine world. We think in a caffeine way and we live caffeine lives.”

— Caitlin Moran

61. “My favourite place in the world – the south beach at Aberystwyth -has a sewage outfall pipe on it.”

— Caitlin Moran

62. “I believe in music and gin and joy and talking too much and human kindness.”

— Caitlin Moran

63. “This is the happiest you’ve ever been,” I told myself in the mirror in the ornate Victorian bathroom, two hours later. I was having a little girl-to-girl chat with me – “You’ve made a friend! You’re making a friend right now! Look at your face, in the middle of friending! You are hatching an attachment!”

— Caitlin Moran

64. “I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety. I basically treat myself like a nervy horse: lots of exercise, lots of sleep, lots of interesting work to keep my mind occupied, and generally avoiding being ridden hard by strangers.”

— Caitlin Moran

65. “John Kite was the first person I’d ever met who made me feel normal. That when i talked “too much,” it was not the point where you walked away, going, “You’re weird, Johanna,” or “Shut up, Johanna” – but that was when the conversation actually got good. The more ridiculous things I said – the more astonishing things I confessed – the more he roared with laughter, or slapped the table and said: “That is exactly how it is, you outrageous item.”

— Caitlin Moran

66. “I can’t think of anything I hate more than a former punk – they are the most self-righteous people in the world.”

— Caitlin Moran

67. “He’s not a person – he’s a place you travel to. Everything changes when you’re with him. He is the mayor of good times. I remember a quote I read: “It was no man you wanted, believe me – it was a world.”

— Caitlin Moran

68. “Whenever I see a taboo, I just think that’s something we need to drag screaming out into the light and discuss. Because taboos are where our fears live, and taboos are the things that keep us tiny. Particularly for women.”

— Caitlin Moran

69. “In that instance, my body had decided that this baby was not to be and had ended it. This time, it is my mind that has decided that this baby was not to be. I don’t believe one’s decision is more valid than the other. They both know me. They are both equally capable of deciding what is right.”

— Caitlin Moran

70. “Since I met you, I feel like I can see the operating system of the world- and it is unrequited love. That is why everyone’s doing everything. Every book, opera house, moon shot and manifesto is here because someone, somewhere, lit up silent when someone else came into the room, and then quietly burned when they didn’t notice them.”

— Caitlin Moran

71. “Evenings never end – they just, without you noticing, turn into tomorrow.”

— Caitlin Moran

72. “I have no idea what cunnilingus is – certainly no one I’ve met in Wolverhampton can afford it.”

— Caitlin Moran

73. “It’s the silliness – the profligacy, and the silliness – that’s so dizzying: a seven-year-old will run downstairs, kiss you hard, and then run back upstairs again, all in less than 30 seconds. It’s as urgent an item on their daily agenda as eating or singing. It’s like being mugged by Cupid.”

— Caitlin Moran

74. “Any action a woman engages in from a spirit of joy, and within a similarly safe and joyous environment, falls within the city-walls of feminism. A girl has a right to dance how she wants, when her favourite record comes on.”

— Caitlin Moran

75. “There are some women out there who are just going to look better with a mustache: that’s statistics.”

— Caitlin Moran

76. “She doesn’t like the makeup, either. “I once nearly blinded myself with a mascara brush,” she says, looking querulously at my eyeliner. I don’t want to point out that that says far more about her than it does about me. She might as well be telling me a story of how she once confused Push for Pull on a door, then banning me from using doors again – “Lest you also be betrayed by doors.”

— Caitlin Moran

77. “Rock ’n’ roll is a terrible babysitter, baby.”

— Caitlin Moran

78. “I am an enthusiast who’s been pretending to be a cynic. But I have been correctly labeled now. I am for things – not against them. I must remember this. Mainly because this is more fun. It’s exhausting being cynical. You are trying to be an immovable, angry rock in the middle of a stream. But the stream will not move. It is you that will be worn down to dull silt.”

— Caitlin Moran

79. “If you read all your history books, there are no women in them.”

— Caitlin Moran

80. “Strip clubs let everyone down. Men and women approach their very worst here.”

— Caitlin Moran

81. “Most sexism is down to men being accustomed to us being the losers. That’s what the problem is. We just have bad status. Man are accustomed to us being runners-up or being disqualified entirely. For men born pre-feminism, this is what they were raised on: second-class citizen mothers; sisters who need to be married off; female schoolmates going to secretarial school, then becoming housewives. Women who disengaged. Disappeared.”

— Caitlin Moran

82. “Anger is just fear, brought to the boil.”

— Caitlin Moran

83. “And the question is always “When are you going to have kids?” Rather than “Do you want to have kids?”

— Caitlin Moran

84. “I could have written a misery memoir and instead I tried to make it funny. I never complained.”

— Caitlin Moran

85. “At its best – and I love a nice frock – fashion is a game. But for women, it’s a compulsory game, like netball. And you can’t get out of it by faking a period. I know. I’ve tried.”

— Caitlin Moran

86. “Please wait for me. Don’t have all the fun now. Don’t fill up on other people who aren’t me. Don’t ruin your appetite.”

— Caitlin Moran

87. “Being able to wear underwear brilliantly is such a key talent for a woman that there are even competitions to judge who is the best at it: Miss America, Miss World, Miss International, Miss Universe. You can call this “the swimsuit round” all you like – we know what it really means. It’s the “bra and undies round.”

— Caitlin Moran

88. “For me, and I suspect a lot of socially awkward people, dealing with people face-to-face seems really traumatic. Particularly if you have massive sweating issues, and particularly if on top of that you have quite smelly sweat that smells like onion soup.”

— Caitlin Moran

89. “And when you are being kissed like this, you are Christmas Day; you are the moon shot; you are field larks. My shoes were suddenly worth a million pounds, and my breath was the ethyl in champagne. When someone kisses you like this, you are the point of everything.”

— Caitlin Moran

90. “As Germaine Greer puts it in The Whole Woman, “to become a mother without wanting it is to live like a slave, or domestic animal.”

— Caitlin Moran

91. “You actually don’t exist while you’re in your bedroom,” I say to the dog, so that she knows this important fact. “Teenage girls in bedrooms aren’t real.”

— Caitlin Moran

92. “This is what happens, when it feels like the weight of the world is crushing right down on you. Your fear it’s going to change you forever. And you’re right. It is. It’s going to turn you into something that’s both beautiful, and the most indestructible thing on the planet.”

— Caitlin Moran

93. “I will never tell anyone when I feel bad again. I will never confide a weakness. It does not work. It makes things worse.”

— Caitlin Moran

94. “Choose your friends because you feel most like yourself around them, because the jokes are easy and you feel like you’re in your best outfit when you’re with them, even though you’re just in a t-shirt.”

— Caitlin Moran

95. “I don’t understand, then, why, in the midst of all this, pregnant women – women trying to make rational decisions about their futures and, usually, that of their families, too – should be subject to more pressure about preserving life than, say, Vladimir Putin, the World Bank, or the Catholic Church.”

— Caitlin Moran

96. “A self-made man” – not of woman born but alchemized, through sheer force of will, by the man himself. This is what I want to be. I want to be a self-made woman. I want to conjure myself out of every sparkling, fast moving thing I can see. I want to be the creator of myself. I’m going to begat myself.”

— Caitlin Moran

97. “Because I am still learning to walk and talk, and it is a million times easier to be cynical and wield a sword, than it is to be open-hearted and stand there, holding a balloon and a birthday cake, with the infinite potential to look foolish.”

— Caitlin Moran

98. “Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws.”

— Caitlin Moran

99. “When young people are cynical, and snarky, they shoot down their own future. When you keep saying “No,” all that’s left is what other people said “Yes” to before you were born. Really, “No” is no choice at all.”

— Caitlin Moran

100. “When you live in a small house with five younger siblings, it’s actually far more sensible- and much quicker- to cry alone.”

— Caitlin Moran