Top 200 Caitlin Moran Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “I wish I was Bill Murray. I hope everything I’ve read about evolution is wrong, and I eventually evolve into him. It’s one of only three plans I have.”

— Caitlin Moran

102. “There’s a lot of Sherlock love in here. In many ways, this book might as well be called ‘Deduce THIS, Sexlock Holmes!’ with a picture of me licking his meerschaum, cross-eyed and screaming.”

— Caitlin Moran

103. “And do not think you shouldn’t be standing on that chair, shouting, “I AM A FEMINIST!” if you are a boy. A male feminist is one of the most glorious end-products of evolution. A male feminist should ABSOLUTELY be on the chair – so we ladies may all toast you, in champagne, before coveting your body wildly. And maybe get you to change that lightbulb, while you’re up there. We cannot do it ourselves. There is a big spiderweb on the socket.”

— Caitlin Moran

104. “Because I still don’t know what I really think or feel, and I’m throwing grenades and filling the air with smoke while I desperately, desperately try to get off the ground: to get elevation. Because I haven’t yet learned the simplest and most important thing of all: the world is difficult, and we are all breakable. So just be kind.”

— Caitlin Moran

105. “Show a girl a pioneering hero – Sylvia Plath, Dorothy Parker, Frida Kahlo, Cleopatra, Boudicca, Joan of Arc – and you also, more often than not, show a girl a woman who was eventually crushed.”

— Caitlin Moran

106. “I will never tell anyone when I feel bad again. I will never confide a weakness. It does not work. It makes things worse. It’s really best not to tell people when you feel bad. Growing up is about keeping secrets, and pretending everything is fine.”

— Caitlin Moran

107. “Because what you are, as a teenager, is a small, silver, empty rocket. And you use loud music as fuel, and then the information in books as maps and coordinates, to tell you where you’re going.”

— Caitlin Moran

108. “I know people go on about Twitter, but it is amazing. It’s whatever you want it to be, and all the women got in there before the boys.”

— Caitlin Moran

109. “I don’t want him to pity me. I don’t want him to see what I look like when I do something for the first time. I don’t want anyone watching me change. I will do all my changing in private. In public I am, always, the finished thing. The right thing, for the right place. A chrysalis is hung in the dark.”

— Caitlin Moran

110. “It really is important you say these words out loud. “I AM A FEMINIST.” If you feel you cannot say it – not even standing on the ground – I would be alarmed. It’s probably one of the most important things a woman will ever say: the equal of “I love you,” Is it a boy or a girl?” or “No! I’ve changed my mind! I don’t want bangs!”

— Caitlin Moran

111. “As I’ve not been kissed before, I’m not really sure how you activate this function on a man.”

— Caitlin Moran

112. “I just want Tina Fey to be my best friend. And Lena Dunham. And Oprah, too.”

— Caitlin Moran

113. “There’s no point in drinking if no one’s watching.”

— Caitlin Moran

114. “Cynicism is, ultimately, fear. Cynicism makes contact with your skin, and a thick black carapace begins to grow – like insect armor. This armor will protect your heart, from disappointment – but it leaves you almost unable to walk. You cannot dance in this armor. Cynicism keeps you pinned to the spot, in the same posture, forever.”

— Caitlin Moran

115. “For as I sit there, in pain, I suddenly notice I have changed. I am not self-loathing anymore. These billion cheap blackbirds inside me – beaking the wires of the cage, frantic – are now on the ground, sleeping. This billion eyed mess, which I cannot comprehend, contain or name, has now disappeared – replaced by these hot, red lines on my leg and arm.”

— Caitlin Moran

116. “As I have said, in the same way that you can tell if some sexism is happening to you by asking the question “Is this polite, or not?” you can tell whether some misogynistic societal pressure is being exerted on women by calmly enquiring, “And are the men doing this, as well?”

— Caitlin Moran

117. “I think it’s a delightful thing, for a young teenage girl to befriend someone of another generation. She is like a window into the past, I think to myself.”

— Caitlin Moran

118. “If you can find a frock you look nice in and can run up three flights of stairs, you’re not fat.”

— Caitlin Moran

119. “I am pathetically law-abiding.”

— Caitlin Moran

120. “When people ask workingwomen, “When are you going to have a baby?” what they’re really asking is “When are you going to leave?”

— Caitlin Moran

121. “How amazing to go to a gig thinking of nothing but how loud you will shout; how hard you will dance; how much you will sweat; how tightly you will hug your friends, as your favourite song plays. How amazing to react to music in the way music wants you – to become an ecstatic animal.”

— Caitlin Moran

122. “I wrote my first book at eight, all of four pages. At 10, I did a 40-page story. At 12, I wrote two stage plays.”

— Caitlin Moran

123. “People with no upper-body strength, who read poetry. These are my people.”

— Caitlin Moran

124. “Explaining why you love something is one of the most important jobs on earth.”

— Caitlin Moran

125. “A book is a beautiful, paper mausoleum, or tomb, in which to store ideas... to keep the bones of your thoughts in one place, for all time. I just want to say... “Hello. We can hear you. The words survived.”

— Caitlin Moran

126. “I say this in the spirit of feminist encouragement, but I think I’m pretty hot. I’ve got all the facial features, facing the right way, at the right end, and you can always paint over the bad bits with makeup.”

— Caitlin Moran

127. “Anger is just fear, brought to the boil. And the thing about scared people is, whenever you ask them for advice, on whatever subject, they only ever have one thing to say to you: “Run.”

— Caitlin Moran

128. “Going blind every time you drain a boiling pan of pasta, because it steams up your glasses real bad.”

— Caitlin Moran

129. “It demeans a society to rely on random acts of mercy, Johanna.”

— Caitlin Moran

130. “A majority of women’s magazines feature women who do amazing things, but then the article focuses on how she ruined it with her shoes.”

— Caitlin Moran

131. “Why can’t we just loosen our belts, take off our heels, and cheerfully rot, like the boys?”

— Caitlin Moran

132. “Because this injunction for all women to have children isn’t in any way logical. If you take a moment to consider the state of the world, the thing you notice is that there are plenty of babies being born; the planet really doesn’t need all of us to produce more babies.”

— Caitlin Moran

133. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re a feminist by default if you’re born in the Western world right now.”

— Caitlin Moran

134. “Babies being “given” to women as gifts makes the women sound powerless.”

— Caitlin Moran

135. “There’s no self-expression or joy in these joints – no springboard to self-discovery, or adventure, like any decent night out involving men, women, alcohol, and taking your clothes off. Why do many people have a gut reaction to strip clubs? Because inside them, no one is having fun.”

— Caitlin Moran

136. “I was holding his hand. I banked every jealous look, and became limitlessly wealthy on them.”

— Caitlin Moran

137. “Personally, I find the idea that women are supposed to “love” shopping bizarre – nearly every woman I know wants to cry after 45 minutes of trawling the high street looking for a shirt and hits the gin with alacrity upon the sad occasions when jeans have to be found.”

— Caitlin Moran

138. “I’ve learned what my contemporaries will have learned in their first terms at college, or university – that the first friends you make in a new place are the ones you usually spend the next three terms trying to lose, and that it’s the people who are quietly holding back, and standing in the corner, that you will want to be with, when your second year comes around.”

— Caitlin Moran

139. “We need a temporary cessation in people having any opinions about any women, ever. I propose a, say, five-year moratorium on having opinions about women, in order to let one generation of girls get from one side of puberty to the other without growing up in a climate where women are constantly being scolded, chivvied, harassed, or subjected to thunderous opinion columns concluding that, yet again, some woman in the public eye has overreached herself and should wind her neck in.”

— Caitlin Moran

140. “Of course, in the end, when Mapplethorpe turned out to be very gay, Smith was left with no other option than to go off and write Horses and grow the world’s most influential lady mustache instead. Her hand was forced into productivity.”

— Caitlin Moran

141. “Every woman who chooses – joyfully, thoughtfully, calmly, of their own free will and desire – not to have a child does womankind a massive favour in the long term. We need more women who are allowed to prove their worth as people; rather than being assessed merely for their potential to create new people. After all, half those new people we go on to create are also women – presumably themselves to be judged, in their futures, for not making new people. And so it will go on and on...”

— Caitlin Moran

142. “It’s very important my parent’s don’t think I’m starting to fall in love with people, because then they might notice that I’m growing up, and I’m kind of trying to keep it a secret. I think it will cause an incident.”

— Caitlin Moran

143. “I wish I could learn that just three drinks is enough, but I have not learned that.”

— Caitlin Moran

144. “I am thrilled by the idea of killing myself. It seems like such a gratifyingly noble thing to do. A monster has come to town – me – and there is only one hero who can kill it: me.”

— Caitlin Moran

145. “In the end, I go where I always go when I need information on something baffling, poisonous, or terrifying: the library.”

— Caitlin Moran

146. “We live now in a glorious age which we might term ‘Post Frozen’. Frozen – the feminist Disney movie where the idiot sexy prince turns out to be a betraying motherfuck, and the whole plot revolves around, instead, the love of two sisters.”

— Caitlin Moran

147. “Nowadays, to be frank, every week is a good week for freakshow television. we might start asking, Why are there so many freaks? And why do they all want to be on television?”

— Caitlin Moran

148. “These days, if your child announced that they wanted to be a politician most people would react as if they had come down to the breakfast table and said, ‘Mother, Father – I’ve decided to become a massive pervert.”

— Caitlin Moran

149. “But deciding not to have children is a very, very hard decision for a woman to make: the atmosphere is worryingly inconducive to saying, “I choose not to,” or “It all sounds a bit vile, tbh.” We call these women “selfish.” The inference of the word “childless” is negative: one of lack, and loss.”

— Caitlin Moran

150. “And you will be quite on your own when you do all this. There is no academy where you can learn to be yourself; there is no line manager slowly urging you toward the correct answer. You are midwife to yourself, and will give birth to yourself, over and over, in dark rooms, alone.”

— Caitlin Moran