Top 35 Carlos Mencia Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I’m glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can’t swim.”

— Carlos Mencia

2. “If you ain’t laughing, you ain’t living, baby.”

— Carlos Mencia

3. “The problem with the world is there’s too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.”

— Carlos Mencia

4. “God has a sense of humor. If you don’t believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.”

— Carlos Mencia

5. “Dee Dee Dee dosen’t mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don’t even know it’s about you.”

— Carlos Mencia

6. “We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?”

— Carlos Mencia

7. “The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.”

— Carlos Mencia

8. “If your gonna drop out of school – tough grades are not your goal – then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole.”

— Carlos Mencia

9. “Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?”

— Carlos Mencia

10. “Do not encourage my behaviour.”

— Carlos Mencia

11. “We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.”

— Carlos Mencia

12. “If you’re Filipino, you’re the beaner of the Asian community ’cause you’re just like us. You’re indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. That’s why you have names like Kwan Ping Del Toro.”

— Carlos Mencia

13. “When it comes to my daughter, I’m a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I’m a liberal!”

— Carlos Mencia

14. “Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.”

— Carlos Mencia

15. “Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.”

— Carlos Mencia

16. “I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.”

— Carlos Mencia

17. “When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.”

— Carlos Mencia

18. “Know your religion, know who you are and don’t be ashamed.”

— Carlos Mencia

19. “In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you’re a Mexican. In Florida, you’re a Cuban. In New York, you’re a Puerto Rican. And I come here and I find out I’m an Eskimo.”

— Carlos Mencia

20. “What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I’m doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.”

— Carlos Mencia

21. “When women can’t climax, it’s our fault, but when we can’t get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.”

— Carlos Mencia

22. “When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they’re homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they’re called rappers.”

— Carlos Mencia

23. “Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That’s the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.”

— Carlos Mencia

24. “If you ask me right now, you’ve seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don’t want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.”

— Carlos Mencia

25. “I’m not white, I don’t apologize for what my country did to become great.”

— Carlos Mencia

26. “America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.”

— Carlos Mencia

27. “I don’t have the time to steal other people’s material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don’t really contest them because I don’t believe they deserve contesting. I really don’t.”

— Carlos Mencia

28. “I’ll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.”

— Carlos Mencia

29. “In all honesty, we don’t know what’s in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else’s joke.”

— Carlos Mencia

30. “If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn’t get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Now I tell people.”

— Carlos Mencia

31. “Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!”

— Carlos Mencia

32. “And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don’t park in a handicapped spot.”

— Carlos Mencia

33. “That’s not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it’s news!”

— Carlos Mencia

34. “Like my father I, too, was born in Central America – Nebraska.”

— Carlos Mencia

35. “Racism is exclusion, that’s why I make fun of everybody.”

— Carlos Mencia

36. “I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.”

— Carlos Mencia

37. “I’m the only person on Earth who’s not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!”

— Carlos Mencia

38. “Here, let’s go to my dressing room, and I promise, I’ll only put it in for a second.”

— Carlos Mencia