Top 150 Caroline Kepnes Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Work in a bookstore and learn that most people in this world feel guilty about being who they are... if people could handle their self-loathing m customer service would be smoother.”

— Caroline Kepnes

102. “Whoever said running in the morning gives you energy never had a day job that involves customer service.”

— Caroline Kepnes

103. “It is possible to know people. They show you who they are. You just have to be looking.”

— Caroline Kepnes

104. “She cackles and her accent is so thick that I feel bad for the words coming out of her mouth.”

— Caroline Kepnes

105. “And what did you say?” “I said I think that all children do better with happy parents than married parents.”

— Caroline Kepnes

106. “Love’s a marathon, Danny, not a sprint.”

— Caroline Kepnes

107. “Who can sleep with you in the world?”

— Caroline Kepnes

108. “It’s like the kitchen in that movie where evil rich Michael Douglas tries to have Gwyneth Paltrow murdered because she falls for a poor artist. Everything is stainless steel or marble and the island in the center is the size of a small car. I can’t remember if the poor guy gets Gwyneth in the end of the movie and it feels like it matters a lot right now.”

— Caroline Kepnes

109. “This man could say anything in the world to me and he’d still be the one shame-buying Dan Brown.”

— Caroline Kepnes

110. “Love is breathing heavily, it’s clear she’s never talked about this to anyone. You know when someone is opening up a so private, that there isn’t a key.”

— Caroline Kepnes

111. “This is why America loves Stephen King so much; he keeps us on the edge of our seats until it hurts.”

— Caroline Kepnes

112. “He snorts more cocaine, I could pull over and roll him out the door, but he’s on so much blow right now that he would probably just turn into a roadrunner, catch up to me, and jump back in.”

— Caroline Kepnes

113. “I wish there were a way for me to ask about a red ladle but it’s not a normal question.”

— Caroline Kepnes

114. “She looks out the window at Reno, which looks like Vegas and yet also looks nothing like Vegas. It’s lesser, smaller, worse.”

— Caroline Kepnes

115. “Well,” I say and I should shut up and I want to shut up but you make me want to talk.”

— Caroline Kepnes

116. “Because you’re a girl, you included a photo of Mystic Pizza.”

— Caroline Kepnes

117. “Don’t make a baby if you’re not capable of unconditional love.”

— Caroline Kepnes

118. “It is my destiny to know people who abuse punctuation.”

— Caroline Kepnes

119. “Until tonight, she thought death was for grandparents and goldfish.”

— Caroline Kepnes

120. “And when a girl likes talking about you more than talking to you, well, in my experience, that’s the end.”

— Caroline Kepnes

121. “You know what, kid? You need to get over yourself. You work in a bookstore. You don’t make the books. You don’t write the books and if you were any good at reading the books, you probably wouldn’t work in a bookstore. So wipe that judgmental look off your face and tell me to have a nice day.”

— Caroline Kepnes

122. “He’s been to rehab, which is a travesty; you can tell by his smug face that he’s not capable of genuine addiction.”

— Caroline Kepnes

123. “You ooze joy and she is an open wound, shrill and wan, unfucked and unloved.”

— Caroline Kepnes

124. “I’m the same way about the bookshop. You know, I walk around and I feel the whole world is in there, the most important stories of all time.”

— Caroline Kepnes

125. “Amy is a Sharpie; she’s passionate.”

— Caroline Kepnes

126. “I don’t like this culture of reading a book and spitting out an immediate reaction.”

— Caroline Kepnes

127. “She says New York was like Sesame Street for grown-ups, everyone has big hearts and you can be anything you wanna be.”

— Caroline Kepnes

128. “Her eyeballs sail north, toward the top of her head, and we can all learn something from an untimely tragic death. What a danger, blaming other people for your problems. What a waste of a life. Had she disowned her cunty family and moved to one of her sunny foreign havens and been a bartender or a Pilates instructor, anything, doesn’t matter, she could have settled down with a nice, like-minded girl and paid respects for all her blessings – health, brains, muscles – by being true to herself.”

— Caroline Kepnes

129. “Hollywood, where the rich don’t have to pay for anything.”

— Caroline Kepnes

130. “I wish it were socially acceptable to brandish a knife.”

— Caroline Kepnes

131. “There’s nothing more annoying than good advice from someone who makes a lot of bad decisions.”

— Caroline Kepnes

132. “This is your success and this is the magic hour, the golden time before the time. Just be in it. You earned it. Don’t spread it and don’t pull on it and don’t push it and don’t share it and don’t examine it. This is it.”

— Caroline Kepnes

133. “It’s like they can smell the public school on me.”

— Caroline Kepnes

134. “Now there are elements of our dynamic coming slowly into view, like a photograph in a darkroom.”

— Caroline Kepnes

135. “We don’t come from places. We come from time. From traumatic moments that cannot be undone.”

— Caroline Kepnes

136. “That’s why you leave the windows open. You don’t know how to be alone with yourself. And if you block out the world, there you’d be.”

— Caroline Kepnes

137. “There is something wrong with me. Love lifts us up but it also makes us roam around Little Compton like we didn’t murder the girl in the news.”

— Caroline Kepnes

138. “I bet he got picked on but what they don’t tell you about bullying is that sometimes, the kid deserves it.”

— Caroline Kepnes

139. “The iPhone killed romance and turned us all into lazy, nasty stalkers...”

— Caroline Kepnes

140. “Love is a book. You don’t skip ahead. You let the story surprise you.”

— Caroline Kepnes

141. “You did all those awful things, but you also fell in love with a person who can forgive you.”

— Caroline Kepnes

142. “But hate suits you, inspires you, You rage.”

— Caroline Kepnes

143. “If Van Gogh were walking around, everyone would run away because he had no ear, but if he was holding his paintings they would be nice to him. She’s holding her paintings and she’s good at it.”

— Caroline Kepnes

144. “Captain Dave is a salt-and-pepper guy who looks older than forty-six. He doesn’t have kids of his own. Some people are born to be uncles and Captain Dave is that kind of people. He’s also a recovering alcoholic who’s obsessed with what everyone else is drinking at all times. Life is hard for some people.”

— Caroline Kepnes

145. “I am so good when I have time to prepare.”

— Caroline Kepnes

146. “She was always changing her mind, imagining all the roads not taken. She was spongy, and sponges can’t make big life decisions.”

— Caroline Kepnes

147. “What’s wrong with you?” “I love you.” “This isn’t love. This is sick.”

— Caroline Kepnes

148. “Sometimes you love someone so much that you can’t bear a taste or a text because only this kind of moment will do. Shared air. Stillness on a love seat.”

— Caroline Kepnes

149. “In his depraved mind, power would be the inability to connect with anyone. It would mean rising above the need for affection, for human touch.”

— Caroline Kepnes

150. “Opposites attract. But opposites destroy.”

— Caroline Kepnes