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Top 30 Charlie Brooker Quotes (2025 Update)

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Your grades are not your destiny: they’re just letters and numbers which rate how well you performed in one artificial arena, once.”

1. “Your grades are not your destiny: they’re just letters and numbers which rate how well you performed in one artificial arena, once.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Man the lifeboats. The idiots are winning.”

2. “Man the lifeboats. The idiots are winning.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “If technology is a drug – and it does feel like a drug – then what, precisely, are the side-effects?”

3. “If technology is a drug – and it does feel like a drug – then what, precisely, are the side-effects?”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “In summary, our world is doomed.”

4. “In summary, our world is doomed.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Whenever I tell people I’m a misanthrope they react as though that’s a bad thing, the idiots. I live in London, for God’s sake. Have you walked down Oxford Street recently? Misanthropy’s the only thing that gets you through it. It’s not a personality flaw, it’s a skill.”

5. “Whenever I tell people I’m a misanthrope they react as though that’s a bad thing, the idiots. I live in London, for God’s sake. Have you walked down Oxford Street recently? Misanthropy’s the only thing that gets you through it. It’s not a personality flaw, it’s a skill.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “When you’re being earnest, people think you’re being sarcastic and when you’re being sarcastic, they think you’re being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.”

6. “When you’re being earnest, people think you’re being sarcastic and when you’re being sarcastic, they think you’re being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Technology is a global thing and wherever you go, people are prodding the same devices and worrying in the same way and have had their lives slightly altered in the same way.”

7. “Technology is a global thing and wherever you go, people are prodding the same devices and worrying in the same way and have had their lives slightly altered in the same way.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Hi-def is merely the latest in a string of evolutional leaps that have transformed the way we sit slumped in front of a box wishing we were dead.”

8. “Hi-def is merely the latest in a string of evolutional leaps that have transformed the way we sit slumped in front of a box wishing we were dead.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Everyone had clearly spent far too long perfecting their appearance. I used to feel intimidated by people like this; now I see them as walking insecurity beacons, slaves to the perceived judgment of others, trapped within a self- perpetuating circle of crushing status anxiety.”

9. “Everyone had clearly spent far too long perfecting their appearance. I used to feel intimidated by people like this; now I see them as walking insecurity beacons, slaves to the perceived judgment of others, trapped within a self- perpetuating circle of crushing status anxiety.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality.”

10. “Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Being slagged off is good for you. It thickens the skin and strengthens the backbone.”

11. “Being slagged off is good for you. It thickens the skin and strengthens the backbone.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “The iPad falls between two stools – not quite a laptop, not quite a smartphone. In other words, it’s the spork of the electronic consumer goods world.”

12. “The iPad falls between two stools – not quite a laptop, not quite a smartphone. In other words, it’s the spork of the electronic consumer goods world.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Society? Can we trust us? Doubt it. We’re probably not even real, as was revealed in the popular documentary The Matrix. That bloke next door? Made of pixels. Your co-workers? Pixels. You? One pixel. One measly pixel. You haven’t even got shoes, for Christ’s sake.”

13. “Society? Can we trust us? Doubt it. We’re probably not even real, as was revealed in the popular documentary The Matrix. That bloke next door? Made of pixels. Your co-workers? Pixels. You? One pixel. One measly pixel. You haven’t even got shoes, for Christ’s sake.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “The problem: affordable housing has to be subsidised, if the ‘affordable’ bit of the phrase is going to work. The solution: replace every wall, ceiling and floor with a gigantic plasma screen and charge for advertising space. The affordable living room of tomorrow is a futuristic cube with a perpetually looping Go Compare commercial in place of carpets and wallpaper.”

14. “The problem: affordable housing has to be subsidised, if the ‘affordable’ bit of the phrase is going to work. The solution: replace every wall, ceiling and floor with a gigantic plasma screen and charge for advertising space. The affordable living room of tomorrow is a futuristic cube with a perpetually looping Go Compare commercial in place of carpets and wallpaper.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “At 38, I look back at my 32-year-old self and regret that he wasted time. Then I regret wasting my current time regretting regrets about regrets. This is pretty sophisticated regretting I’m doing. That’s the sole advantage of ageing: I can now effortlessly consolidate my regrets into one manageable block of misery. Otherwise, by the age of 44, I’d need complex database software just to keep track of precisely how many things I’m regretting at once.”

15. “At 38, I look back at my 32-year-old self and regret that he wasted time. Then I regret wasting my current time regretting regrets about regrets. This is pretty sophisticated regretting I’m doing. That’s the sole advantage of ageing: I can now effortlessly consolidate my regrets into one manageable block of misery. Otherwise, by the age of 44, I’d need complex database software just to keep track of precisely how many things I’m regretting at once.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I’ve got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.”

16. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I’ve got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “One of the benefits of aligning yourself with an indistinct cluster of people is that claiming to feel their pain is often enough.”

17. “One of the benefits of aligning yourself with an indistinct cluster of people is that claiming to feel their pain is often enough.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Whenever anything nice happens in the world I always expect something appalling to happen immediately afterwards.”

18. “Whenever anything nice happens in the world I always expect something appalling to happen immediately afterwards.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “I’ve instinctively hated the Tories since birth.”

19. “I’ve instinctively hated the Tories since birth.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Here’s a mystery for you. Renegade urban graffiti artist Banksy is clearly a guffhead of massive proportions, yet he’s often feted as a genius straddling the bleeding edge of now. Why? Because his work looks dazzlingly clever to idiots. And apparently that’ll do.”

20. “Here’s a mystery for you. Renegade urban graffiti artist Banksy is clearly a guffhead of massive proportions, yet he’s often feted as a genius straddling the bleeding edge of now. Why? Because his work looks dazzlingly clever to idiots. And apparently that’ll do.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “The biggest teenage taboo is being strait-laced. It’s easy to tell a researcher you went to a house party that turned into an orgy. It’s less easy to say you like eating toast and watching QI.”

21. “The biggest teenage taboo is being strait-laced. It’s easy to tell a researcher you went to a house party that turned into an orgy. It’s less easy to say you like eating toast and watching QI.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “At the other end of the spectrum, George Gideon Oliver King Rameses Osborne, the fourteen-year-old novelty Chancellor and future baronet of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon – a man so posh he probably weeps champagne.”

22. “At the other end of the spectrum, George Gideon Oliver King Rameses Osborne, the fourteen-year-old novelty Chancellor and future baronet of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon – a man so posh he probably weeps champagne.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn’t work properly. The seams come apart and it’s full of powdered glass.”

23. “If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn’t work properly. The seams come apart and it’s full of powdered glass.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “In many ways, Big Brother is the present day equivalent of a 1980s Club 18-30 Holiday – flirting, sunbathing, silly little organised games, and lots of people you’d like to remove from the genepool with a cricket bat.”

24. “In many ways, Big Brother is the present day equivalent of a 1980s Club 18-30 Holiday – flirting, sunbathing, silly little organised games, and lots of people you’d like to remove from the genepool with a cricket bat.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Cupcakes are for people who can’t handle reality.”

25. “Cupcakes are for people who can’t handle reality.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that “says something” about your personality, don’t bother. You don’t have a personality. A mental illness, maybe – but not a personality.”

26. “If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that “says something” about your personality, don’t bother. You don’t have a personality. A mental illness, maybe – but not a personality.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “So weak and ineffectual, it’s almost homeopathic.”

27. “So weak and ineffectual, it’s almost homeopathic.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “Wait, it gets duller.”

28. “Wait, it gets duller.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “One of life’s sorest tragedies is that the people who brim with confidence are always the wrong people.”

29. “One of life’s sorest tragedies is that the people who brim with confidence are always the wrong people.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “In my eyes, PE was a twice-weekly period of anarchy during which the school’s most aggressive pupils were formally permitted to dominate and torment those they considered physically inferior. Perhaps if the whole thing had been pitched as an exercise in interactive drama intended to simulate how it might feel to live in a fascist state run by thick schoolboys – an episodic, improvised adaptation of Lord of the Flies in uniform sportswear – I’d have appreciated it more.”

30. “In my eyes, PE was a twice-weekly period of anarchy during which the school’s most aggressive pupils were formally permitted to dominate and torment those they considered physically inferior. Perhaps if the whole thing had been pitched as an exercise in interactive drama intended to simulate how it might feel to live in a fascist state run by thick schoolboys – an episodic, improvised adaptation of Lord of the Flies in uniform sportswear – I’d have appreciated it more.”

— Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker Quote: “She’s got zero interest in honest-to-goodness human-on-human action. No. It’s magic farmyard creatures or nothing for her.”

31. “She’s got zero interest in honest-to-goodness human-on-human action. No. It’s magic farmyard creatures or nothing for her.”

— Charlie Brooker

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