Top 35 Charlie Higson Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “If a wolf attacks his sheep, the shepard kills the wolf, but he eats the sheep when he’s hungry.”

— Charlie Higson

2. “No such word as can’t. No such word as babagoozle neither!”

— Charlie Higson

3. “Remember what I done for you here today,′ he shouted and passed out.”

— Charlie Higson

4. “She finally realized where they were. ‘This is Legoland!”

— Charlie Higson

5. “My gran always said I was half clever, half stupid, and half crazy.”

— Charlie Higson

6. “He was a different person now, and not a better one, Oh, he could fight, he could swat sickos like flies; he was a bloody hero, wasn’t he? He was Death himself. Riding a bike. But in the end, all he was doing was adding to the score of the dead. Was that all a hero was, then? A killing machine without a heart?”

— Charlie Higson

7. “We was half stupid, a third lucky, and three-quarters ferocious.”

— Charlie Higson

8. “See, death is always pointless. And death is the only point. We all end up there sooner or later.”

— Charlie Higson

9. “Course I’m scared. I’m always scared when we go somewhere we’ve not been before. It’s good to be scared. Keeps you alive.” – Ollie, The Enemy.”

— Charlie Higson

10. “Tea? Good God, no. It’s mud. How the British ever built an empire drinking the filthy stuff is beyond me. And if we carry on drinking it, I’ve no doubt that the empire won’t last much longer. No, a civilized person drinks coffee.”

— Charlie Higson

11. “There was always a slug on the lettuce. This was too good to be true. He had never trusted Jester, and didn’t trust David. He wasn’t going to let his gaurd down just yet. Being carful had kept him alive this far. There was no reason to stop being careful now.”

— Charlie Higson

12. “You got to harden yourself. Make, like, a shell around you. But not everyone can do it. If they got nothing to hang on to some of them screw up. They’re not in the game no more.”

— Charlie Higson

13. “Yeah?’ Alfie yelled, his voice high-pitched and hysterical. ‘You hear that? That’s me! Alfie Walker. Yeah? And I’m cleverer than you dumb bitches! You stupid ugly farts. Yeah, knock on the door all you like – you ain’t coming in. And, if you do, I’ll split you with my knife. I’ll rip your rotten guts out. I’ll kick your brains up.”

— Charlie Higson

14. “Writing is a bit like being a god.”

— Charlie Higson

15. “This just ain’t my day, is it?’ They came to the statue of a naked woman and Lewis slapped her on the buttocks. ‘You wouldn’t turn me down, would you, princess?’ he said.”

— Charlie Higson

16. “There is no getting around the fact that the moment you are at your very best is the moment you begin to become worse and worse. Others will come along who can run faster, jump higher, hit harder, and you will be forgotten. Your winning moment is dated to die.”

— Charlie Higson

17. “I’m fighting and I’m winning and I’m living. The full package.”

— Charlie Higson

18. “All children in adventure books have to be orphans.”

— Charlie Higson

19. “Then maybe I’ll sneak into Buckingham Palace and slit his chicken throat one night.”

— Charlie Higson

20. “He was reminded of TV ads for plug-in air fresheners where some woman would stick the little plastic thing in a socket and animated fumes would waft out and everyone would lift their faces, close their eyes, breathe in deeply and go ‘Aaaaaah’. Like they were taking some kind of drug rather than inhaling chemicals.”

— Charlie Higson

21. “He knew one thing for sure, though. Whatever happened, Matt would have some handy excuse. He’d make up some story or change an old one, find some dumb quote to explain it all.”

— Charlie Higson

22. “Standing in the corridor was a large plastic bin on wheels. He looked inside. Empty tins of dog food. That explained the spaghetti with meat sauce. Oh well, he’d eaten worse.”

— Charlie Higson

23. “If you made it to the end of the day, then it was a good day. You didn’t think any further ahead than that. The future was a mystery.”

— Charlie Higson

24. “No, listen. Us girls, we might all look different, but we’re pretty similar underneath. We like to appear responsible, to do what’s expected of us, we’re not supposed to be reckless and wild and go off running with dodgy space tramps like you. But give us a nudge and –.”

— Charlie Higson

25. “Nasty things, you know, gods, they don’t much care for anyone other than themselves.”

— Charlie Higson

26. “They would catch her. They would make sure she was all right. That’s what grown-ups did. They looked after you. They –.”

— Charlie Higson

27. “Of all the things she thought might happen when she came here, this wasn’t one. To be shot like this. Tears came into her eyes. She closed them, laid her head down on the grass and in a few moments her tears were the only part of her moving.”

— Charlie Higson

28. “You’re gonna really scare them grown-ups, Paddy,’ said Achilleus. ‘They’ll be filling their nappies in fright.”

— Charlie Higson

29. “I just miss him, is all. He used to make me laugh, nothing else did.”

— Charlie Higson

30. “Yeah,’ said Blue quietly. ‘World peace and free Wi-Fi.”

— Charlie Higson

31. “You’re a trickster, Doctor, not a warrior.”

— Charlie Higson

32. “Arran’s grey-blue eyes opened and they were clear and bright. He smiled at Maxie. ‘I love you, Mum,’ he said quietly and he died in Maxie’s arms.”

— Charlie Higson

33. “Great, thought Jack. I’m on marathon walk to London, likely to be ambushed by diseased nutters at any moment and I’m stuck with a load of idiots who sound like they’ve escaped from the set of In the Night Garden.”

— Charlie Higson

34. “I was the hero, Roberto De Niro, William Shakespearo! Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches.”

— Charlie Higson

35. “What did we know? This was early days. We had no idea what was out there. How dangerous it might be. It was just a school maths problem. They never asked that in the exams, did they? Like, “If John walks at three miles an hour from London to Brighton, and he’s attacked by rabid grown-ups four times, and they bite his right leg off, how long will it take him to bleed to death?”

— Charlie Higson

36. “My mum gave me a T-shirt with it on last Christmas.’ Ed smiled at the memory. ‘Wish I still had it. All I had to get stressed about before was GCSEs.’ ‘She didn’t give you a T-shirt that said Save Kitchen Scraps to Feed the Pigs, then?”

— Charlie Higson