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Top 25 Chic Murray Quotes (2025 Update)

Chic Murray Quote: “The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.”

1. “The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.”

2. “My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.”

3. “I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “If something’s neither here nor there, where the hell is it?”

4. “If something’s neither here nor there, where the hell is it?”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.”

5. “My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.”

6. “She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.”

7. “My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.”

8. “My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.”

9. “I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn’t wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.”

10. “My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn’t wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.”

11. “We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.”

12. “A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn’t wash my Y-fronts for a month.”

13. “After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn’t wash my Y-fronts for a month.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.”

14. “There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.”

15. “A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I won’t say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.”

16. “I won’t say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.”

17. “I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.”

18. “Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn’t even have attempted it.”

19. “I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn’t even have attempted it.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.”

20. “A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn’t exactly pleased about it.”

21. “I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn’t exactly pleased about it.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “We’ve got stained glass windows in our house; it’s those damned pigeons.”

22. “We’ve got stained glass windows in our house; it’s those damned pigeons.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.”

23. “I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.”

24. “I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.”

25. “The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram – and he’s been pushed for money ever since.”

26. “This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram – and he’s been pushed for money ever since.”

— Chic Murray

Chic Murray Quote: “It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.”

27. “It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.”

— Chic Murray

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