Top 80 Craig Johnson Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “It was the second time that day that I stood looking at a space where a large thing wasn’t where it was supposed to be.”

— Craig Johnson

52. “Contrary to popular belief, there aren’t that many descriptions of hell in the Bible, and the majority of images most people carry around in their heads are from the fourteenth-century poem, which means that our contemporary view of hell is actually from the Middle Ages.”

— Craig Johnson

53. “If you pull it, use it, if you use it, use it to kill.”

— Craig Johnson

54. “In a perfect cinematic world we would’ve captured the bad guys in spectacular fashion with explosions, car chases, and a parting kiss. She would’ve been played by Ava Gardner, and I would’ve been played by Robert Taylor. I looked at her. “I was wrong.” She looked back at me, and I could feel her eyes on the side of my face.”

— Craig Johnson

55. “Henry figured that the reason the Cheyenne had always ridden Appaloosas into battle was because by the time the men got there, they were so angry with the horses they were ready to kill everything.”

— Craig Johnson

56. “There wasn’t anything more to say, so I didn’t. That’s the thing about comforting – it’s almost more important to know when not to talk.”

— Craig Johnson

57. “Thinking you’re not in trouble and not being in trouble are two different things.”

— Craig Johnson

58. “In the great balancing equations of Dog’s mind, there are two things he cannot resist – ham, and me holding open a vehicle door. I’m pretty sure that ham is first and the only reason me holding open a vehicle door is in the running is because it might mean that we are going somewhere to get ham.”

— Craig Johnson

59. “His face remained immobile as he shut the door and walked back against the traffic. “No, they are not.” Dog immediately jumped into the.”

— Craig Johnson

60. “We’ve never done a coordinated music effort. Everything else we’ve done has been around a holiday – Halloween, Mardi Gras, half way to Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day.”

— Craig Johnson

61. “A writer, like a sheriff, is the embodiment of a group of people and without their support both are in a tight spot.”

— Craig Johnson

62. “The door closed, and he was gone into the twilight of early evening like an afterthought.”

— Craig Johnson

63. “Your father is why you don’t allow guns in the house?” “I just don’t like them. It seems to me that no matter what they always lead to bad things. My opinion is that produced for their specific purpose, they are inherently bad.” We stared at each other for a moment, then she continued, “I know that they are a necessary evil in your line of work, but I don’t allow necessary evils in my home.”

— Craig Johnson

64. “It had stickers on the bumper to proclaim every ill-considered political opinion that had ever crossed Turk’s apolitical mind.”

— Craig Johnson

65. “There are a number of smells I’ve loved in my lifetime, but few can compare with the smell of a bookstore.”

— Craig Johnson

66. “I hung up, figuring that if this was the last three minutes of my life, I didn’t want to spend them extraordinarily annoyed.”

— Craig Johnson

67. “In my life, I have been kicked by horses and bitten by them. I’ve been stepped on, crushed against gates, and thrown to the ground, but I have also been nuzzled, rubbed against, carried by, nickered at, and warmed by the great beasts. I thought of all the horses I’d known and couldn’t think of a bad one.”

— Craig Johnson

68. “I saw me every day, and I wasn’t so sure I was that fond of my company.”

— Craig Johnson

69. “Her fingers were cool, and her palms were strangely devoid of any lines, as if her life was yet to be determined.”

— Craig Johnson

70. “Between the thermals, downdrafts, and quirky winds, I wasn’t sure how anybody kept the things aloft except with a liberal application of positive thought.”

— Craig Johnson

71. “Artists are always good for conversation, so long as you want to talk about their art.”

— Craig Johnson

72. “Ha-ho, it is another wonderful day at the Red Pony bar and continual soiree.”

— Craig Johnson

73. “As the saying goes, a cynic is the man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

— Craig Johnson

74. “Walt, we need to go over a few things.” This had an ominous tone to it. “There was a time when this particular lifestyle had its place, the grieving widower valiantly sallying forth through a sea of depression and cardboard. This gave way to the eccentric lawman era, but now, Walt my friend, you are just a slob.” I.”

— Craig Johnson

75. “I thought about the damage we all did in life simply by being ourselves and getting up in the morning.”

— Craig Johnson

76. “The older I get, the more I think I look like a Muppet. Cady vehemently disagrees with this assessment, but she’s fighting her own battle with this particular gene puddle.”

— Craig Johnson

77. “In my limited experience, women dreaded male statements that ended with “then you’ve got another think coming.” It usually meant there was a lot more coming, but in this case there wasn’t.”

— Craig Johnson

78. “I always wondered about men who spent their time trying to anticipate and know a fish in a world where man’s knowledge of each other could only be called scarce. It just seemed to be gratuitously ignorant for any man to think that he could think like a fish.”

— Craig Johnson

79. “I’d heard that they were going to stop teaching cursive in schools, which was fine with me, because then all us old people would have a secret code.”

— Craig Johnson

80. “I thought about how you could kill a victim only once, but how a crime scene could die a thousand deaths.”

— Craig Johnson

81. “Whenever anyone argues with you about something, just tell them it is foretold – usually works.”

— Craig Johnson

82. “The rush of information came running in like a waterfall, filling me with the thought that hatred has a poor shelf life but that hope and love can limp along together forever.”

— Craig Johnson

83. “Cheyenne. “I pulled you over ’cause you’ve got a couple ’a taillights out back here.” He said the old chief ’s eyes twinkled, and he patted Lucian’s arm that rested on the car. “Oh, that’s okay. I thought you were pulling me over ’cause I didn’t have no license.” Lucian said he nearly bit his lip to bleeding trying to not laugh until Mrs. Red Shield slapped her husband across the chest and said, “Don’t pay no attention to him, Sheriff. He don’t know what he’s sayin’ when he’s been drinkin’.”

— Craig Johnson

84. “Like all true horse’s asses, he hoped to go into politics.”

— Craig Johnson

85. “Trees teach us patience, but grass teaches us persistence.”

— Craig Johnson

86. “That is the difference between us – I believe in everything until proven, whereas you believe in nothing until proven.” I.”

— Craig Johnson