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Top 20 Dan Gutman Quotes (2025 Update)

Dan Gutman Quote: “Sometimes we spend so much time and energy thinking about where we want to go that we don’t notice where we happen to be.”

1. “Sometimes we spend so much time and energy thinking about where we want to go that we don’t notice where we happen to be.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “A lot of people seem nice when you first meet them. Then later you find out that they are evil villains who plan to take over the world.”

2. “A lot of people seem nice when you first meet them. Then later you find out that they are evil villains who plan to take over the world.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “I don’t want to be a chicken. I don’t want to be a duck. So I shake my butt.”

3. “I don’t want to be a chicken. I don’t want to be a duck. So I shake my butt.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “They say there is no ‘free lunch’ in life. But there are free books! I still can’t believe I can go to my local library and get just abut any book in the world – and I don’t have to pay a dime!! It’s amazing! The library is truly the greatest invention of our civilization.”

4. “They say there is no ‘free lunch’ in life. But there are free books! I still can’t believe I can go to my local library and get just abut any book in the world – and I don’t have to pay a dime!! It’s amazing! The library is truly the greatest invention of our civilization.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “The way your life plays out depends on which dominoes you chose to push over and which ones you leave alone.”

5. “The way your life plays out depends on which dominoes you chose to push over and which ones you leave alone.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME.”

6. “ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “You probably know that a raindrop falling into Lake Itasca in Minnesota will travel the length of the Mississippi and arrive at the Gulf of Mexico about ninety days later,” he said.”

7. “You probably know that a raindrop falling into Lake Itasca in Minnesota will travel the length of the Mississippi and arrive at the Gulf of Mexico about ninety days later,” he said.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “If you’re going to break the rules, you might as well break them correctly.”

8. “If you’re going to break the rules, you might as well break them correctly.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Do stupid stuff and even stupider suff will happen to you.”

9. “Do stupid stuff and even stupider suff will happen to you.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “I bet you guys can’t name three things invented in Nebraska,” Coke asked the family. “No, but I’m sure you can,” his sister replied. “Kool-Aid, CliffsNotes, and Eskimo Pies!”

10. “I bet you guys can’t name three things invented in Nebraska,” Coke asked the family. “No, but I’m sure you can,” his sister replied. “Kool-Aid, CliffsNotes, and Eskimo Pies!”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Hey soda girl. You’re flat.”

11. “Hey soda girl. You’re flat.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Maybe flog slab is his name,” Pep guessed. “Flog Slab. It’s kinda cute, actually.” “That’s a pretty weird name,” Coke said. “Well, what do you expect an alien from another planet to be named?” asked his sister. “Bob?” “We.”

12. “Maybe flog slab is his name,” Pep guessed. “Flog Slab. It’s kinda cute, actually.” “That’s a pretty weird name,” Coke said. “Well, what do you expect an alien from another planet to be named?” asked his sister. “Bob?” “We.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Did you know that the state song of Kansas is ‘Home on the Range’?”

13. “Did you know that the state song of Kansas is ‘Home on the Range’?”

Dan Gutman Quote: “But it’s not cool to laugh at your parents’ jokes, as you well know.”

14. “But it’s not cool to laugh at your parents’ jokes, as you well know.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “It was the great Russian author Chekhov who wrote, “If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

15. “It was the great Russian author Chekhov who wrote, “If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Alan Shepard was the first and only interplanetary golfer,” Coke told his sister. “He was also the first and only interplanetary litterbug,” Moe said. “What he did was disgraceful.”

16. “Alan Shepard was the first and only interplanetary golfer,” Coke told his sister. “He was also the first and only interplanetary litterbug,” Moe said. “What he did was disgraceful.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “ASS of U and ME.”

17. “ASS of U and ME.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Every bad thing that happens in the world is good for somebody.”

18. “Every bad thing that happens in the world is good for somebody.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “You’re openin’ a mighty big can of worms, Judson Moon!”

19. “You’re openin’ a mighty big can of worms, Judson Moon!”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Yeah, if Mickey Mouse was a mass murderer.”

20. “Yeah, if Mickey Mouse was a mass murderer.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “They had the first hospital in America. The first library and zoo. They had the first newspaper, the first TV and radio broadcasts. Pennsylvania had the first capital of the United States. And most importantly, the banana split was invented here!”

21. “They had the first hospital in America. The first library and zoo. They had the first newspaper, the first TV and radio broadcasts. Pennsylvania had the first capital of the United States. And most importantly, the banana split was invented here!”

Dan Gutman Quote: “No matter what ya do to help somebody, it’ll hurt somebody else.”

22. “No matter what ya do to help somebody, it’ll hurt somebody else.”

Dan Gutman Quote: “Coke had a theory to explain grown-ups, as he did for most things in life. In his view, babies are born with a specific number of brain cells, which waste away and die off as people get older. So by the time they reach thirty – and certainly by the time they reach forty – most of their brain cells are gone. This explains why grown-ups do and say the things they do.”

23. “Coke had a theory to explain grown-ups, as he did for most things in life. In his view, babies are born with a specific number of brain cells, which waste away and die off as people get older. So by the time they reach thirty – and certainly by the time they reach forty – most of their brain cells are gone. This explains why grown-ups do and say the things they do.”

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