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Top 25 Dan Jenkins Quotes (2025 Update)

Dan Jenkins Quote: “The golf ball has no sense at all, which is why it has to be given stern lectures constantly, especially during the act of putting.”

1. “The golf ball has no sense at all, which is why it has to be given stern lectures constantly, especially during the act of putting.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.”

2. “The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Always keep in mind that if God didn’t want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn’t come three to a sleeve.”

3. “Always keep in mind that if God didn’t want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn’t come three to a sleeve.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.”

4. “Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Juanita found herself at Old Jeemy’s radio station in a room she could have sworn was a laboratory where creatures with antennas in their heads, knobs for eyes, jagged arms, and dangly legs conducted experiments on the bodies of dead vocalists.”

5. “Juanita found herself at Old Jeemy’s radio station in a room she could have sworn was a laboratory where creatures with antennas in their heads, knobs for eyes, jagged arms, and dangly legs conducted experiments on the bodies of dead vocalists.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Laughter is the only thing that’ll cut trouble down to a size where you can talk to it.”

6. “Laughter is the only thing that’ll cut trouble down to a size where you can talk to it.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.”

7. “A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Only two things can stop Tiger – injury or a bad marriage.”

8. “Only two things can stop Tiger – injury or a bad marriage.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Until Sammy Baugh – pro football in Texas was a one-paragraph story on the third page of the Monday sports section.”

9. “Until Sammy Baugh – pro football in Texas was a one-paragraph story on the third page of the Monday sports section.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Who is the best the sportswriter who wore shorts? I keep trying to envision Grantland Rice or John Lardner in shorts. It never occurred to me to wear shorts. I’d look too silly to wear shorts.”

10. “Who is the best the sportswriter who wore shorts? I keep trying to envision Grantland Rice or John Lardner in shorts. It never occurred to me to wear shorts. I’d look too silly to wear shorts.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Golfers don’t fist fight. They cuss a bit. But they wouldn’t punch anything or anybody. They might hurt their hands and have to change their grip.”

11. “Golfers don’t fist fight. They cuss a bit. But they wouldn’t punch anything or anybody. They might hurt their hands and have to change their grip.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “If a caddie can help you, you don’t know how to play golf.”

12. “If a caddie can help you, you don’t know how to play golf.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Lonnie says it doesn’t take long to write a song if you’re stricken with a severe case of the Tennysons. He wasn’t necessarily talking about a chart-climber.”

13. “Lonnie says it doesn’t take long to write a song if you’re stricken with a severe case of the Tennysons. He wasn’t necessarily talking about a chart-climber.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.”

14. “Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were overly fascinated with soaring armpits.”

15. “Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were overly fascinated with soaring armpits.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Tennis was a game invented by a woman named Samantha Tennis in 1839, in the village of Lobsworth, County of Kent, as a diversion for the wealthy and titled Englishmen of the region, who had nothing better to do at the time but drink, belch and wear funny clothes.”

16. “Tennis was a game invented by a woman named Samantha Tennis in 1839, in the village of Lobsworth, County of Kent, as a diversion for the wealthy and titled Englishmen of the region, who had nothing better to do at the time but drink, belch and wear funny clothes.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “In a story, you have to have a theme and an angle, you have to have a beginning, middle and an end. You have to have a defining moment and kick it to death. You gotta be able to recognize that, by the way. It probably takes experience.”

17. “In a story, you have to have a theme and an angle, you have to have a beginning, middle and an end. You have to have a defining moment and kick it to death. You gotta be able to recognize that, by the way. It probably takes experience.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “The maplewood flat-finished Martin had represented the most outrageous luxury in her life when she bought it in 1971 for four hundred dollars. But Lonnie Slocum assured her the Martin was a good investment, even if she never learned to play it better than an acid head who was into heavy metal.”

18. “The maplewood flat-finished Martin had represented the most outrageous luxury in her life when she bought it in 1971 for four hundred dollars. But Lonnie Slocum assured her the Martin was a good investment, even if she never learned to play it better than an acid head who was into heavy metal.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “As the NFF Historian, I’ll have a new platform to indulge my passion for the most emotional, colorful and hysterical game ever developed by mankind and Walter Camp.”

19. “As the NFF Historian, I’ll have a new platform to indulge my passion for the most emotional, colorful and hysterical game ever developed by mankind and Walter Camp.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “When Ballesteros triumphed at the British Open in 1979, for his first major win, he hit so few fairways off the tee that he was often mistaken for a gallery marshall.”

20. “When Ballesteros triumphed at the British Open in 1979, for his first major win, he hit so few fairways off the tee that he was often mistaken for a gallery marshall.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “I quickly discovered that trying to go play golf while living in Manhattan was about as easy as trying to grab a taxi while standing out in front of Saks Fifth Avenue in the freezing rain on the last shopping day before Christmas.”

21. “I quickly discovered that trying to go play golf while living in Manhattan was about as easy as trying to grab a taxi while standing out in front of Saks Fifth Avenue in the freezing rain on the last shopping day before Christmas.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “There have been so many great moments in golf that you even forget some of them.”

22. “There have been so many great moments in golf that you even forget some of them.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “I had always suspected that trying to play golf in the company of big-time pros and a gallery would be something like walking naked into choir practice.”

23. “I had always suspected that trying to play golf in the company of big-time pros and a gallery would be something like walking naked into choir practice.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it’s a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna’s dress hanging on it.”

24. “Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it’s a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna’s dress hanging on it.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “Every golfer has at least 14 enemies: his clubs.”

25. “Every golfer has at least 14 enemies: his clubs.”

— Dan Jenkins

Dan Jenkins Quote: “I am among those who firmly believe that a round of golf should not take more than three and a half hours, four at most. Anything longer than that is not a round of golf, it’s life in Albania.”

26. “I am among those who firmly believe that a round of golf should not take more than three and a half hours, four at most. Anything longer than that is not a round of golf, it’s life in Albania.”

— Dan Jenkins

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