Top 60 Drew Hayes Quotes (2026 Update)

1. “What is experience if not the accumulation of scars and lessons that allow us to use our mind, bodies, and powers more effectively?”

— Drew Hayes

2. “I’m working on the future, instead of being caught up in where I am today. – Roy Daniels.”

— Drew Hayes

3. “Fine, I’m going to beat you like a toddler in a wolverine fight.” “You will feel more distress than if you were trapped on an airplane during its landing approach and suddenly suffered an unstoppable bowel movement.” “Explain,” Angela demanded. “During a landing approach, one is not allowed to leave their seat for any reason. Not even sudden bowel movements that won’t be stopped.” Angela had to admit, that scenario probably would fill her with a noticeable amount of distress.”

— Drew Hayes

4. “Glitter is a form of anti-depressant, because it is impossible to be sad when you twinkle.”

— Drew Hayes

5. “The constant threat of death was such a persistent companion, it almost felt like they should get it a horse.”

— Drew Hayes

6. “New plan. It’s exactly the same as the old plan, except we try very hard not to die.”

— Drew Hayes

7. “A superhero defends what is just; a villain defends what is theirs.”

— Drew Hayes

8. “Is this a good slow clap moment? Because it kind of feels like a good slow clap moment.”

— Drew Hayes

9. “Any divine guidance before I go back?” “Always tip the bartender more than you think you should, be nice to the people who know where you sleep, and beware the bush with red flowers.” Grumble.”

— Drew Hayes

10. “You know, you’re a pretty terrible person.” “You’re not the first to accuse me of such.” “I didn’t imagine I would be. Still, in spite of that, or maybe because of it, you’re also a really good friend.”

— Drew Hayes

11. “This book is dedicated to the uncool, uncoordinated, unexceptional, uncharming, uninteresting, and especially the unashamed. To everyone from the Awkwards to the Zeroes, living as the proud oddballs they are. This book is dedicated to my people.”

— Drew Hayes

12. “Vampire strength might not let me lift cars, but I will tear up some shrubbery all day long.”

— Drew Hayes

13. “To put it as simply as possible, I ate a god.”

— Drew Hayes

14. “Our minds and memories cannot be trusted; spend too long in there trying to pull out a memory that doesn’t exist, and you’ll end up creating it. Imagination is a powerful thing, especially when combined with uncertainty and self-doubt. I’ve seen others build their own hells around them with the fears of what they might have done.”

— Drew Hayes

15. “If that was some sort of death threat, it may very well be the third most lovely one I’ve ever received.”

— Drew Hayes

16. “To lead a kingdom doesn’t mean we are more important than our subjects, it means our lives belong to them. They trust us to care for them, watch over them, and keep them safe from would-be conquerors. No matter how much I might want to be human, right now my people need me to be a monster, because a monster is what can stand against someone like you.”

— Drew Hayes

17. “The reason I told you this was pointless is because it is,” Vince said, staring down at Michael as his defense slid away in jagged, icy chunks. “You can’t freeze me. You can’t hit me. You can’t even defend against me. You’re so far below me that beating you isn’t even a challenge. You’re nothing to me, Michael.”

— Drew Hayes

18. “You will eventually discover that under the movie stereotypes, imposed mystique, and overall inflated expectations, each and every one of us is at least a touch more boring than our images would indicate. And that is not a bad thing.”

— Drew Hayes

19. “Try not to let them scare you too much. But, don’t forget, that they are scary people.”

— Drew Hayes

20. “Friday has always been the blessed child of Time. It’s admired, looked forward to, and savored with each occurrence.”

— Drew Hayes

21. “That would depend greatly on your definition of a solution. Technically, the entire town being laid siege to and everyone we know being killed qualifies as a solution. It just isn’t a solution that we find favorable,” Thistle pointed out.”

— Drew Hayes

22. “I don’t know that I believe in beauty sleep, but if you don’t leave me be, you’re going to see some ugly-awake.”

— Drew Hayes

23. “Worry is the nemesis of productive thought. One must first decide that the tasks before them can be surmounted, and then the mind’s only preoccupation should be with devising the methodology to accomplish such a task’.”

— Drew Hayes

24. “Remember when being a villain was all about wild nights and brawls in the street?”

— Drew Hayes

25. “Those who lived in the light could never truly know what it was to dwell in the shadows.”

— Drew Hayes

26. “The next time he spoke it was with fury, hope, and desperation all rolled together like a burrito of command.”

— Drew Hayes

27. “Are you telling me that vampires and werewolves are the reason America won the Revolutionary War?,” I asked, dumbfounded.”

— Drew Hayes

28. “You know, people give things like greed and wrath a bad rap. Sure, they’ll cause plenty of folks to make some poor, shortsighted decisions, but in the end they lack staying power. Now love, on the other hand, love is in a whole different category. Love is what can truly turn people into demons.”

— Drew Hayes

29. “Death was a one-shot deal – it happened, and then you were free. Sally was an old-school southern woman, and Hank knew first-hand that they weren’t nearly as kind as death when they got cross.”

— Drew Hayes

30. “My unlife was so boring that even the woman who hunted monsters saw me as harmless.”

— Drew Hayes

31. “You’re a good man who happens to be a vampire. We aren’t human, but that doesn’t make us monsters.”

— Drew Hayes

32. “See, I told you we’d get lucky.” Nick gloated as he munched on a thick hamburger. “We didn’t get lucky,” Vince corrected. “We got lost. For half an hour. Until I went into a building and asked for directions.” “And wasn’t it lucky I brought along a guy with no masculinity issues to ask for directions?” Nick pointed out.”

— Drew Hayes

33. “Most college students would have deemed it a waste of a perfectly good Friday night, but most students were not in a program with constant stress and regular physical battles, with the possible exception of architecture majors.”

— Drew Hayes

34. “It’s curious that children can either be expert liars or utterly incapable of hiding their emotions, and the classification changes from minute to minute.”

— Drew Hayes

35. “I don’t know if Mr. Greene is ever actually happy. Hopefully he’ll be ambivalent. I think that’s his version of happy.”

— Drew Hayes

36. “Ms. Pips thinks it’s good to have someone always trying to kill me. Says it builds caution and forethought.”

— Drew Hayes

37. “Are you telling me that vampires and werewolves are the reason America won the Revolutionary War?” I asked, dumbfounded. “No, I’m saying America somehow managed to pull it out thanks to the French,” Krystal scoffed. There was a beat of silence, then Albert said: “You know, when you think about it, her version makes a lot more sense.”

— Drew Hayes

38. “His teacher was right: better to enjoy the good days when they came. There were always horrid ones lurking around the corner.”

— Drew Hayes

39. “Still, I find lying to be more dangerous than expertly telling the truth, so I avoid it whenever possible.”

— Drew Hayes

40. “There may come times that you will regret not just dying when you had a chance.”

— Drew Hayes

41. “Newsflash: every relationship a person has ends in failure, save for one. Maybe two if you count getting remarried after they kick off, but the point is, we all go in with a ninety-whatever percent failure rate.”

— Drew Hayes

42. “In other circumstances, Ivan might have offered him a job. Sadly, with a few notable meta exceptions, dead men didn’t code very well.”

— Drew Hayes

43. “The truth had its place, and it was called a deathbed.”

— Drew Hayes

44. “I am still a god, after all. There’s a certain way these things are done.”

— Drew Hayes

45. “If they’re going to take what they want and run off that quickly they could at least leave us cab fare on the dresser.”

— Drew Hayes

46. “He kept expecting the techno-armored girl to move as he drew close, but she remained as lifeless as a politician’s conscience.”

— Drew Hayes

47. “He was like a pot of simmering silver: simple and serene to look at, but with a scalding danger waiting beneath the surface.”

— Drew Hayes

48. “Experience is more than just the summation of events catalogued into our life; it is the seasoning that flavors personalities, giving them depth and complexity where otherwise absent. The big events we experience can define how we see ourselves.”

— Drew Hayes

49. “Sometimes, attaining the impossible was simply a matter of continuously putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what.”

— Drew Hayes

50. “Alice arched an eyebrow. “The gravity guy? I can see why the apple took a swing at him.”

— Drew Hayes