Top 120 Dylan Moran Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “I’ve been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I’m concerned, I am a writer – whether my writing’s spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.”

— Dylan Moran

102. “It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you’re actually a doctor working at an incubator.”

— Dylan Moran

103. “I’m Irish, yeah, but I don’t need to get up on a soapbox about it.”

— Dylan Moran

104. “Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I’m more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year.”

— Dylan Moran

105. “I’m just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I’ve built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity – a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn’t do anything.”

— Dylan Moran

106. “If I hadn’t done this I might have ended up digging the roads.”

— Dylan Moran

107. “My drive to put myself on the line comes from boredom. From that feeling when you go to bed and think, ‘What did I do today?’ It doesn’t have to be something monumental, just a feeling that you really tried to look at something, or look into something.”

— Dylan Moran

108. “I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, ‘Oh, I’d like to do this,’ like anybody would. But I’m not the type that says, ‘If I do this, it will lead to that.’”

— Dylan Moran

109. “You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.”

— Dylan Moran

110. “I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.”

— Dylan Moran

111. “I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.”

— Dylan Moran

112. “I’m delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There’s probably a site like that for everybody. I’ve heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well.”

— Dylan Moran

113. “I don’t have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.”

— Dylan Moran

114. “I’ve always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America; how it has changed.”

— Dylan Moran

115. “I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over, so I’ll get a charge out of some fiction writers and poets.”

— Dylan Moran

116. “Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it’s quite theatrical.”

— Dylan Moran

117. “If you’re a comic, you don’t have a rehearsal room, you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything.”

— Dylan Moran

118. “I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.”

— Dylan Moran

119. “I enjoy performing, always, but when you’re taping a gig, you’ve got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that’s surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won’t be able to do anything.”

— Dylan Moran

120. “I don’t know that you’re able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can’t say that I ever feel that I’m sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.”

— Dylan Moran

121. “I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren’t any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I’d give that a twist.”

— Dylan Moran

122. “I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don’t know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit.”

— Dylan Moran

123. “I don’t really think of myself as an actor.”

— Dylan Moran

124. “I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week’s notice. That’s my film career, most of the time.”

— Dylan Moran

125. “The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.”

— Dylan Moran

126. “It probably says something really clinically terrible about my character that I need to get up on a stage and go ‘Ra ra ra’ in front of people.”

— Dylan Moran

127. “I’m actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.”

— Dylan Moran

128. “Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible – I don’t.”

— Dylan Moran

129. “When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It’s attacking boredom, as simple as that. I was 19 when I first went to a comedy club – I wanted to do it, so I gave it a try and that was it. I found my office.”

— Dylan Moran