Top 160 E.W. Howe Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “A thief believes everybody steals.”

— E.W. Howe

2. “The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.”

— E.W. Howe

3. “A reasonable probability is the only certainty.”

— E.W. Howe

4. “The greatest humiliation in life, is to work hard on something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it.”

— E.W. Howe

5. “A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.”

— E.W. Howe

6. “Nearly every lawsuit is an insult to the intelligence of both plaintiff and defendant.”

— E.W. Howe

7. “A boy doesn’t have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn’t like pie when he sees there isn’t enough to go around.”

— E.W. Howe

8. “Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.”

— E.W. Howe

9. “An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.”

— E.W. Howe

10. “No man can smile in the face of adversity and mean it.”

— E.W. Howe

11. “If you have sense enough to realize why flies gather around a restaurant, you should be able to appreciate why men run for office.”

— E.W. Howe

12. “When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.”

— E.W. Howe

13. “Put cream and sugar on a fly and it tastes very much like a raspberry.”

— E.W. Howe

14. “There is no get-rich-quick scheme equal to a poor girl marrying a rich man.”

— E.W. Howe

15. “One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.”

— E.W. Howe

16. “To be an ideal guest, stay at home.”

— E.W. Howe

17. “The most destructive criticism is indifference.”

— E.W. Howe

18. “Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public.”

— E.W. Howe

19. “You needn’t love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.”

— E.W. Howe

20. “If a man takes one day off, it takes him about three days to get the harness fitted again.”

— E.W. Howe

21. “To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.”

— E.W. Howe

22. “If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.”

— E.W. Howe

23. “No man’s credit is ever as good as his money.”

— E.W. Howe

24. “Instead of loving your enemies – treat your friends a little better.”

— E.W. Howe

25. “A loafer never works except when there is a fire; then he will carry out more furniture than anybody.”

— E.W. Howe

26. “When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.”

— E.W. Howe

27. “No scheme pays as well as legitimate business.”

— E.W. Howe

28. “We love the Lord, of course, but we often wonder what He finds in us.”

— E.W. Howe

29. “Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.”

— E.W. Howe

30. “Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees pretend to have it.”

— E.W. Howe

31. “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.”

— E.W. Howe

32. “If the fools do not control the world, it isn’t because they are not in the majority.”

— E.W. Howe

33. “If you don’t learn to laugh at troubles, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you grow old.”

— E.W. Howe

34. “A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.”

— E.W. Howe

35. “Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.”

— E.W. Howe

36. “Don’t abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.”

— E.W. Howe

37. “A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.”

— E.W. Howe

38. “The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.”

— E.W. Howe

39. “Nothing is wonderful when you get used to it.”

— E.W. Howe

40. “The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.”

— E.W. Howe

41. “One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.”

— E.W. Howe

42. “We must be truthful and fair in the ordinary affairs of life before we can be truthful and fair in patriotism and religion.”

— E.W. Howe

43. “You can’t do anything unless you do it yourself. And usually you can’t do it yourself very well.”

— E.W. Howe

44. “If a woman doesn’t chase a man a little, she doesn’t love him.”

— E.W. Howe

45. “Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.”

— E.W. Howe

46. “Don’t take up a man’s time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.”

— E.W. Howe

47. “It is hard to convince a high-school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.”

— E.W. Howe

48. “Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.”

— E.W. Howe

49. “A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.”

— E.W. Howe

50. “Loving everybody is polygamy. I care for no friend who loves his enemy equally well.”

— E.W. Howe