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Top 15 Edwin H. Friedman Quotes (2025 Update)

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “The function of a leader within any institution: to provide that regulation through his or her non-anxious, self-defined presence.”

1. “The function of a leader within any institution: to provide that regulation through his or her non-anxious, self-defined presence.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them.”

2. “Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Leadership can be thought of as a capacity to define oneself to others in a way that clarifies and expands a vision of the future.”

3. “Leadership can be thought of as a capacity to define oneself to others in a way that clarifies and expands a vision of the future.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Attitudes are the real figures of speech.”

4. “Attitudes are the real figures of speech.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “A major criterion for judging the anxiety level of any society is the loss of its capacity to be playful.”

5. “A major criterion for judging the anxiety level of any society is the loss of its capacity to be playful.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “It has been my impression that at any gathering, whether it be public or private, those who are quickest to inject words like sensitivity, empathy, consensus, trust, confidentiality, and togetherness into their arguments have perverted these humanitarian words into power tools to get others to adapt to them.”

6. “It has been my impression that at any gathering, whether it be public or private, those who are quickest to inject words like sensitivity, empathy, consensus, trust, confidentiality, and togetherness into their arguments have perverted these humanitarian words into power tools to get others to adapt to them.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “A willingness to be exposed and vulnerable. One of the major limitations of imagination’s fruits is the fear of standing out. It is more than a fear of criticism. It is anxiety at being alone, of being in a position where one can rely little on others, a position that puts one’s own resources to the test, a position where one will have to take total responsibility for one’s own response to the environment. Leaders must not only not be afraid of that position; they must come to love it.”

7. “A willingness to be exposed and vulnerable. One of the major limitations of imagination’s fruits is the fear of standing out. It is more than a fear of criticism. It is anxiety at being alone, of being in a position where one can rely little on others, a position that puts one’s own resources to the test, a position where one will have to take total responsibility for one’s own response to the environment. Leaders must not only not be afraid of that position; they must come to love it.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change.”

8. “The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Whether we are considering a toothache, a tumor, a relational bind, a technical problem, crime, or the economy, most individuals and most social systems, irrespective of their culture, gender, or ethnic background, will “naturally” choose or revert to chronic conditions of bearable pain rather than face the temporarily more intense anguish of acute conditions that are the gateway to becoming free.”

9. “Whether we are considering a toothache, a tumor, a relational bind, a technical problem, crime, or the economy, most individuals and most social systems, irrespective of their culture, gender, or ethnic background, will “naturally” choose or revert to chronic conditions of bearable pain rather than face the temporarily more intense anguish of acute conditions that are the gateway to becoming free.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Anyone who wishes to advance our species or an institution must possess those qualities which those who have little sense of self will perceive as narcissistic. All this besides the fact that “arrogant,” “headstrong,” “narcissistic,” and “cold” will be the terms used against any person who tries to be more himself or herself.”

10. “Anyone who wishes to advance our species or an institution must possess those qualities which those who have little sense of self will perceive as narcissistic. All this besides the fact that “arrogant,” “headstrong,” “narcissistic,” and “cold” will be the terms used against any person who tries to be more himself or herself.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “One of the most extraordinary examples of adaptation to immaturity in contemporary American society today is how the word abusive has replaced the words nasty and objectionable.”

11. “One of the most extraordinary examples of adaptation to immaturity in contemporary American society today is how the word abusive has replaced the words nasty and objectionable.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Leadership through self-differentiation is not easy; learning techniques and imbibing data are far easier. Nor is striving or achieving success as a leader without pain: there is the pain of isolation, the pain of loneliness, the pain of personal attacks, the pain of losing friends. That’s what leadership is all about.”

12. “Leadership through self-differentiation is not easy; learning techniques and imbibing data are far easier. Nor is striving or achieving success as a leader without pain: there is the pain of isolation, the pain of loneliness, the pain of personal attacks, the pain of losing friends. That’s what leadership is all about.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. If you want your child, spouse, client, or boss to shape up, stay connected while changing yourself rather than trying to fix them.”

13. “The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. If you want your child, spouse, client, or boss to shape up, stay connected while changing yourself rather than trying to fix them.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “MORAL: The grass is only greener when you’re not caring for your own lawn.”

14. “MORAL: The grass is only greener when you’re not caring for your own lawn.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “Indeed, a funeral can give a subsequent event new importance for the entire family because the newly celebrated individual becomes the replacement for the family member who has just died.”

15. “Indeed, a funeral can give a subsequent event new importance for the entire family because the newly celebrated individual becomes the replacement for the family member who has just died.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

Edwin H. Friedman Quote: “But what is clear about pain universally is this: To the extent that we are motivated to get on with life, we seem to be able to tolerate more pain; in other words, our threshold seems to increase. Conversely, to the extent that we are unmotivated to get out of our chair, our threshold seems to go down.”

16. “But what is clear about pain universally is this: To the extent that we are motivated to get on with life, we seem to be able to tolerate more pain; in other words, our threshold seems to increase. Conversely, to the extent that we are unmotivated to get out of our chair, our threshold seems to go down.”

— Edwin H. Friedman

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