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Top 10 Eirik Gumeny Quotes (2025 Update)

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “Hey, like Shakespeare said, it can’t be porn if it’s classy.”

1. “Hey, like Shakespeare said, it can’t be porn if it’s classy.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “Burt Reynolds’ mustache would kick Steve McQueen’s ass.”

2. “Burt Reynolds’ mustache would kick Steve McQueen’s ass.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “The Lincolns urged the Jacksons to lay down their arms – and their legs, and their tire irons, and their shivs, and their makeshift cannons – and end their killing spree, before.”

3. “The Lincolns urged the Jacksons to lay down their arms – and their legs, and their tire irons, and their shivs, and their makeshift cannons – and end their killing spree, before.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “Will and Quetzalcoatl pulled up in front of a run-down bookstore in the middle of a bombed-out section of an abandoned town in a once-quarantined county in the middle of a state that was disowned by the government and handed over to hobos in the hope that they’d either stop being hobos or die.”

4. “Will and Quetzalcoatl pulled up in front of a run-down bookstore in the middle of a bombed-out section of an abandoned town in a once-quarantined county in the middle of a state that was disowned by the government and handed over to hobos in the hope that they’d either stop being hobos or die.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “And then we all flew back to New Jersey on the back of my unicorn,” said the donut guy. “You have a unicorn?!” asked Thor as excitedly as a six-year-old girl. “No.” “Oh,” replied Thor as sadly as a six-year-old girl who just found out unicorns weren’t real.”

5. “And then we all flew back to New Jersey on the back of my unicorn,” said the donut guy. “You have a unicorn?!” asked Thor as excitedly as a six-year-old girl. “No.” “Oh,” replied Thor as sadly as a six-year-old girl who just found out unicorns weren’t real.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “And that, my good sir,” he said to the refrigerator, “is why mustard tastes purple.”

6. “And that, my good sir,” he said to the refrigerator, “is why mustard tastes purple.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “The thunder god stared for a while, broken only by bouts of acute blinking. Chester A. Arthur XVII scratched his shoulder. Catrina scratched the back of her neck. “Is he OK?” Timmy wondered. “He’s just thinking,” explained Catrina. “Oh god,” said Queen Victoria XXX. “Should we help him?” “Give him a second. I think he can do it.”

7. “The thunder god stared for a while, broken only by bouts of acute blinking. Chester A. Arthur XVII scratched his shoulder. Catrina scratched the back of her neck. “Is he OK?” Timmy wondered. “He’s just thinking,” explained Catrina. “Oh god,” said Queen Victoria XXX. “Should we help him?” “Give him a second. I think he can do it.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “Calvin pulled the other end of the shower curtain open and stepped out of the shower, rubbing his eyes with one hand and reaching for his towel with the other. Only, instead of a towel, he found Jesus. Shaving.”

8. “Calvin pulled the other end of the shower curtain open and stepped out of the shower, rubbing his eyes with one hand and reaching for his towel with the other. Only, instead of a towel, he found Jesus. Shaving.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “The author waives all liability should you keep reading after you’ve already decided you’re going to hate it.”

9. “The author waives all liability should you keep reading after you’ve already decided you’re going to hate it.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “They were going to continue to fight for their freedom. They were going to kill for it. Some of them were even willing to dry-hump the corpses if that would help.”

10. “They were going to continue to fight for their freedom. They were going to kill for it. Some of them were even willing to dry-hump the corpses if that would help.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “How exactly did he die? He’s just a porter. If he’s a zombie he’s still gotta finish his shift. We’re non-discriminatory.”

11. “How exactly did he die? He’s just a porter. If he’s a zombie he’s still gotta finish his shift. We’re non-discriminatory.”

— Eirik Gumeny

Eirik Gumeny Quote: “Through means no one was proud of, a team of reality show producers took control of the North American government after the previous administration just up and exploded. The.”

12. “Through means no one was proud of, a team of reality show producers took control of the North American government after the previous administration just up and exploded. The.”

— Eirik Gumeny

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