Top 35 Elayne Boosler Quotes (2024 Update)

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I’m just a person trapped inside a woman’s body.”

1. “I’m just a person trapped inside a woman’s body.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.”

2. “To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.”

3. “Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.”

4. “My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “People are giving birth underwater now. They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s under water. But it’s certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.”

5. “People are giving birth underwater now. They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s under water. But it’s certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there’s so much food down there.”

6. “My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there’s so much food down there.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’”

7. “We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.”

8. “For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?”

9. “Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.”

10. “Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.”

11. “A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.”

12. “When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “There’s only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.”

13. “There’s only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.”

14. “I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I didn’t get a high school diploma. I really didn’t have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.”

15. “I didn’t get a high school diploma. I really didn’t have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Real comedy can’t be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.”

16. “Real comedy can’t be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.”

17. “My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It’s the best way to see a city.”

18. “I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It’s the best way to see a city.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Laundry’s easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put ’em on, dry ’em with a hair blower.”

19. “Laundry’s easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put ’em on, dry ’em with a hair blower.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I love my parents and they’re wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.”

20. “I love my parents and they’re wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don’t have the steam anymore. “Oh, that’s it. I can’t start shaving my legs above the knee again.””

21. “The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don’t have the steam anymore. “Oh, that’s it. I can’t start shaving my legs above the knee again.””

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it’s ready to wear again?”

22. “Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it’s ready to wear again?”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream ‘You’re the best’ while swearing you’ve never done this with anyone before.”

23. “Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream ‘You’re the best’ while swearing you’ve never done this with anyone before.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.”

24. “I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “As for being a voice in politics, I feel whether you are famous or not, busy or not, it’s incumbent upon every citizen to participate in this government in any way we can.”

25. “As for being a voice in politics, I feel whether you are famous or not, busy or not, it’s incumbent upon every citizen to participate in this government in any way we can.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “What do hookers do on their nights off, type?”

26. “What do hookers do on their nights off, type?”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I think about death. I don’t want to die with clothes in the cleaners.”

27. “I think about death. I don’t want to die with clothes in the cleaners.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I’ve never been able to write for stand-up.”

28. “I’ve never been able to write for stand-up.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I don’t categorize myself. I don’t think I’m perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.”

29. “I don’t categorize myself. I don’t think I’m perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “I can’t get married. I can’t fake sleep for 30 years.”

30. “I can’t get married. I can’t fake sleep for 30 years.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don’t have bullfighting.”

31. “Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don’t have bullfighting.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Why isn’t the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn’t allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won’t allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.”

32. “Why isn’t the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn’t allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won’t allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.”

33. “You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It’s stunning.”

34. “My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It’s stunning.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “You know you’re getting fat when you step on the dog’s tail and he dies.”

35. “You know you’re getting fat when you step on the dog’s tail and he dies.”

— Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Quote: “Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.”

36. “Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.”

— Elayne Boosler

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