1. “I’m a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls!”
— Fanny Brice
2. “Esther Williams? Wet, she’s a star. Dry, she ain’t.”
3. “I’m a bad woman, but I’m damn good company.”
4. “Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be.”
5. “Your audience gives you everything you need. They tell you. There is no director who can direct you like an audience.”
6. “Love is like a card trick. After you know how it works, it’s no fun any more.”
7. “You think beautiful girls are going to stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they’re going to be out! Finished! Then it’ll be my turn!”
8. “Wrong is for other people.”
9. “Any woman who can’t say a four-letter word sometimes is deceitful.”
10. “Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn’t get serious with people. They don’t expect it from you, and they don’t want to see it. You’re not entitled to be serious, you’re a clown, and they only want you to make them laugh.”
11. “Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.”
12. “When love is out of your life, you’re through in a way. Because while it is there it’s like a motor that’s going, you have such vitality to do things, big things, because love is goosing you all the time.”
13. “I never liked the men I loved, and never loved the men I liked.”
14. “For ten thousand dollars, I’d endorse an opium pipe.”
15. “I’ve done everything in the theatre except marry a property man.”
16. “Without love it is like having a good song without an audience.”
17. “No law against waiting,” I said, “people do it all the time.” For once, I didn’t say too much, I didn’t say too little, I said just what I said and then walked.”
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