Top 70 Gilbert Gottfried Quotes (2024 Update)
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Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I can’t even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.”

51. “I can’t even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.”

52. “With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.”

53. “My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it’s very funny.”

54. “Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it’s very funny.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.”

55. “I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “Unfortunately, I’ve never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.”

56. “Unfortunately, I’ve never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’ve done a lot of Fox shows since then – Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.”

57. “I’ve done a lot of Fox shows since then – Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “If they’d wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn’t have asked for me.”

58. “If they’d wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn’t have asked for me.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors – it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.”

59. “One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors – it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.”

60. “There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.”

61. “If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m one of those people, in any country I’m in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I’ll look out the window and say, ‘OK, there’s the Tower of London, there’s Buckingham Palace, there’s Big Ben,’ and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I’ve seen all of it and I can go home.”

62. “I’m one of those people, in any country I’m in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I’ll look out the window and say, ‘OK, there’s the Tower of London, there’s Buckingham Palace, there’s Big Ben,’ and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I’ve seen all of it and I can go home.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he’s working more.”

63. “I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he’s working more.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.”

64. “I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.”

65. “I’m known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, ‘Who’s idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?’”

66. “I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, ‘Who’s idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?’”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I always feel that most political jokes, if you’re going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they’re outdated. By the time you’ve got it to the point that it’s strong, it would be 12 years old.”

67. “I always feel that most political jokes, if you’re going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they’re outdated. By the time you’ve got it to the point that it’s strong, it would be 12 years old.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I’m watching.”

68. “I’m one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I’m watching.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I’m not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it’s time to go to sleep.”

69. “I’m terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I’m not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it’s time to go to sleep.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m a very anti-vacation person. Because I’m always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don’t have to get on a plane.”

70. “I’m a very anti-vacation person. Because I’m always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don’t have to get on a plane.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’d like to have a kid, but I’d probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I’d totally screw up like that.”

71. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’d probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I’d totally screw up like that.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there’s going to be a dinner.”

72. “I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there’s going to be a dinner.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.”

73. “I’m used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “Nothing can help my comedy.”

74. “Nothing can help my comedy.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “I’m eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.”

75. “I’m eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, ‘Ouch.’ One day I’d like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.”

76. “Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, ‘Ouch.’ One day I’d like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “Universal Pictures presents the Georgie Jessel Story. Ted Bessell is Georgie Jessel. Ted Bessell leads an all-star cast of Ted Bessell, Joey Bishop, Jacqueline Bisset, Whit Bissell and Joe Besser. Besser, Bissell, Bissett, Bishop and Bessell. The New York Times says, ‘Bessell is Jessel”. The Jewish Press says, ‘We like Bessell, but only a bissel.”

77. “Universal Pictures presents the Georgie Jessel Story. Ted Bessell is Georgie Jessel. Ted Bessell leads an all-star cast of Ted Bessell, Joey Bishop, Jacqueline Bisset, Whit Bissell and Joe Besser. Besser, Bissell, Bissett, Bishop and Bessell. The New York Times says, ‘Bessell is Jessel”. The Jewish Press says, ‘We like Bessell, but only a bissel.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried Quote: “If you’re anything like me, I feel sorry for your friends and family.”

78. “If you’re anything like me, I feel sorry for your friends and family.”

— Gilbert Gottfried

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