Top 35 Graham Chapman Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Always look on the bright side of life.”

— Graham Chapman

2. “We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!”

— Graham Chapman

3. “We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!”

— Graham Chapman

4. “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”

— Graham Chapman

5. “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...”

— Graham Chapman

6. “I fart in your general direction.”

— Graham Chapman

7. “Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.”

— Graham Chapman

8. “At that time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before...”

— Graham Chapman

9. “I hope I will have achieved something lasting.”

— Graham Chapman

10. “My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.”

— Graham Chapman

11. “One thing for sure – a sheep is not a creature of the air.”

— Graham Chapman

12. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”

— Graham Chapman

13. “You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.”

— Graham Chapman

14. “In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.”

— Graham Chapman

15. “Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.”

— Graham Chapman

16. “Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?”

— Graham Chapman

17. “A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.”

— Graham Chapman

18. “When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.”

— Graham Chapman

19. “You see, I don’t belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.”

— Graham Chapman

20. “It’s nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.”

— Graham Chapman

21. “Oh, you’re in television! That’s interesting. No, I mean, the word television is interesting. It’s a hybrid, you see: tele- comes from the greek, and -vision comes from the latin. It should have been either “telerama”, or “procolvision”.”

— Graham Chapman

22. “Camelot is a silly place.”

— Graham Chapman

23. “McGough: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’ve caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don’t worry, sir – I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...”

— Graham Chapman

24. “When Beethoven went deaf, the mynah bird just used to mime.”

— Graham Chapman

25. “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I’ll come in again...”

— Graham Chapman

26. “I mean, if I went ’round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!”

— Graham Chapman

27. “There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.”

— Graham Chapman

28. “Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it’s up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.”

— Graham Chapman

29. “Oh Lord please don’t burn us don’t kill or toast your flock. Don’t put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don’t bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.”

— Graham Chapman

30. “We don’t deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it’s justified.”

— Graham Chapman

31. “Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed – that’s me, love.”

— Graham Chapman

32. “All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.”

— Graham Chapman

33. “Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it’s more or less inevitable.”

— Graham Chapman

34. “I’m afraid I’m not personally qualified to confuse cats.”

— Graham Chapman

35. “Health care does not worry me a great deal. I’ve been impressed by some wonderful old people.”

— Graham Chapman