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Greg Behrendt Quotes
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Greg Behrendt Quote: “People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that’s why I call her as often as I do.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “He’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk. If he likes you, he’ll want to see you when his judgment isn’t impaired.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Hey, Hot Stuff, Can’t wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it’s soon. You’re way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I’m out here waiting. Your Future.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That’s too much pressure to put on a relationship.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception. It’s liberating. But we also know it’s not an easy concept. -He’s not just into you.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “She didn’t love me that much, but she moved in with me. That’s a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That’s a minus.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it’s over – it’s over. No more confusion!”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “You are not easily forgotten.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “I’m just saying, tonight, if you’re going through a breakup and you’re drinking, don’t call. Just don’t do it. Don’t call. Because here’s the thing: booze has information in it!”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of ’ruining the friendship.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don’t every time.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Cheaters never prosper.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “The reason it’s so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Be yourself. If something you do doesn’t work, don’t do it the next time. Listen to yourself – you know what appropriate behavior is.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “The only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Alone also means available for someone outstanding.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would...”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “I will go anywhere if you say the phrase ‘there might be cake.’ I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else’s boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID – for cake.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “A good indication that it’s not is if you’re only staying with What’s His Name because you’re scared.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they’re working it out on your time and with your heart.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that’s great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where’s your Metallica?”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Part of being a comedian is that it’s your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “There’s nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you’re busy or just want to flirt, but it’s hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Send her a quick note while you’re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “When we’re picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “He doesn’t have to love your CD collection. He doesn’t have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family – especially when they’re great.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Cheating gets easier every time it’s done. It’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume – ’cause if you’ve manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don’t grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “He’s that guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about. He.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he’s getting on with his life without you?”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “I always tell people it’s funny that they think I’m a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Most people don’t want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it’s not so much about the theme of the show.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “There are three kinda men in the world. There’s men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “It’s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It’s like the last Mayberry.”
Greg Behrendt Quote: “It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.”
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