Top 120 Greg Gutfeld Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “Ocean privilege does not exist anymore. The world is small. We cannot rely on distance anymore.”

— Greg Gutfeld

52. “The media is Obama’s scandal condom.”

— Greg Gutfeld

53. “People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy.”

— Greg Gutfeld

54. “People who use their religion as a framework to kill people, simply, are not nice people. Yes, that’s quite a stand I’m making, but the idea that people are systematically executed because they don’t share your God is beyond barbaric. The fact that there are people in our own country who seem to tolerate that, while being intolerant of a Christian’s biblical stance regarding gay marriage, makes me want to go to leave the United States and go to a more sensible place, like Texas.”

— Greg Gutfeld

55. “I think the reason why ‘Red Eye’ is popular is because we question the common assumptions that you find elsewhere.”

— Greg Gutfeld

56. “I don’t understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It’s time to embrace the metric system.”

— Greg Gutfeld

57. “People ask me what I am politically and I’ve previously offered this equation: I became a conservative by being around liberals. And I became a libertarian after being around conservatives.”

— Greg Gutfeld

58. “I know that if I say something that’s considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile.”

— Greg Gutfeld

59. “Steer clear of pot. It’s an ambition zapper. Wait till you’ve made it. When you’re 45 buy a bong. But for now, buy a suit.”

— Greg Gutfeld

60. “Al Gore completely lied about climate change in an effort to make a lot of money.”

— Greg Gutfeld

61. “Legal gun ownership always prevails over the emotionalism of the gun control movement.”

— Greg Gutfeld

62. “You can’t get more racist than hating black conservatives just because they’re black.”

— Greg Gutfeld

63. “You should try to get fired once in a while. It’s good for you.”

— Greg Gutfeld

64. “I’ve always wondered, how did Hitler get away with so much for so long?”

— Greg Gutfeld

65. “The first mistake is trying to explain morality to a terrorist. Like trying to teach a rock to drive. It is impossible.”

— Greg Gutfeld

66. “I don’t know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here’s a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.”

— Greg Gutfeld

67. “That was pretty easy, and I wrote it while delousing my pet tapir.”

— Greg Gutfeld

68. “Eric Holder sees everything through the prism of race. He keeps that mustache because shaving cream is white.”

— Greg Gutfeld

69. “Private citizens and companies are always seen as evil and greedy, because they want to profit. But the government picks your pocket any chance it can get, but they’re never called greedy.”

— Greg Gutfeld

70. “If a journalist calls you a racist, chances are, all other journalists will call you a racist.”

— Greg Gutfeld

71. “American people, what about the American people? I think the president delights in the fact that they have been roofied by technology and pop culture. They’re not conscious to any expansion of power, which is why they’re happy to exist in this dependant decline.”

— Greg Gutfeld

72. “The thing which Reagan did, which was great, was he won the people. He marginalized the media. And that’s what you need, an intellectual agility.”

— Greg Gutfeld

73. “Unlike those who fight truly intolerant things like terrorism throughout the world, Madonna is really the lone brave voice in the wilderness standing up against evil.”

— Greg Gutfeld

74. “We have two nations, and it’s not black or white. It’s red and blue. Under Republican leadership, cities tend to do better. Cities are destroyed under Democrats, because they don’t know how to deal with the constituency; they’re terrified.”

— Greg Gutfeld

75. “The beauty of progress is that it makes it easier for you to carve out a space to be nonproductive.”

— Greg Gutfeld

76. “The problem with legalization is we already have a dependent generation that’s subsidized to oblivion. And will legal pot somehow slice another sliver of the population off of the productive world?”

— Greg Gutfeld

77. “The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget – remember the Alar Scare? Things – see, nobody even remembers Alar.”

— Greg Gutfeld

78. “If you’re a Republican and rich, that’s evil. But if you’re a Democrat and rich, that’s great.”

— Greg Gutfeld

79. “The problem with Republicans and Conservatives is we attack each other.”

— Greg Gutfeld

80. “Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls.”

— Greg Gutfeld

81. “Security should not be a black and white thing.”

— Greg Gutfeld

82. “Over the long term, symbolic attempts at appearing cool end up replacing honest charity that actually helps people. In most cases, social consciousness, really, is a simplistic strategy to mask a lazy intellect and fulfill a desperate need for attention.”

— Greg Gutfeld

83. “Politicians, you know Harry Reid hates you. We get it. But when somebody from “The New York Times” or “The Washington Post” is saying this stuff, that’s different, that’s offensive, that’s wrong.”

— Greg Gutfeld

84. “The only candidate I’d allow to play my music would be Bigfoot, and unless we’re talking about foraging for squirrels, he’s notoriously apolitical.”

— Greg Gutfeld

85. “When the government sees a poor area, its solution is to move the poor out.”

— Greg Gutfeld

86. “When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens.”

— Greg Gutfeld

87. “It’s important not just to confirm normal, commonsense assumptions, but to actually convert the uncertain. To win over those who want to be won over, and sharpen the spear of facts and puncture the flatulent balloon of sanctimonious outrage. We better find them, soon, before America turns into one giant daycare center for dipshits.”

— Greg Gutfeld

88. “Move somewhere with decent public transit so you don’t drive drunk and hit somebody.”

— Greg Gutfeld

89. “Why is our media quick to find evil in our local police, but tnot in Islamic terror?”

— Greg Gutfeld

90. “The great thing about being rich is, you can embrace practices that kill the poor – that’s what socialism does.”

— Greg Gutfeld

91. “In the world of pop stardom, what is mistaken for rebellion? A mediocre artist who spouts political beliefs that most freshmen in high school could have come up with after huffing Glade.”

— Greg Gutfeld

92. “As P. J. O’Rourke once observed, no woman daydreams about being swept off her feet by a liberal.”

— Greg Gutfeld

93. “Magic Johnson links his HIV and treatment to health care as though ObamaCare would provide the same level of care that a mega rich celebrity would get. Is he going to dump his coverage? Is he going to dump it and sign up for ObamaCare?”

— Greg Gutfeld

94. “In the hands of fiends, guns will kill you. In your hands, they protect against such fiends.”

— Greg Gutfeld

95. “In the old days feminists would mock women who depended so much on a man. Today if the man is the government, not so much. A man who opens the door for you is a Neanderthal; a bureaucrat who pays for your pills? A hero.”

— Greg Gutfeld

96. “I’m sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power.”

— Greg Gutfeld

97. “The problem is, then you see immigrants saving cities in Baltimore and you see 40 Korean groceries get burned down.”

— Greg Gutfeld

98. “Planned Parenthood’s entire existence is basically based on keeping people in the dark through euphemism. You don’t call it genocide, you call it reproductive health. So that’s why Planned Parenthood has – nobody really thought.”

— Greg Gutfeld

99. “Paternity, paternity. Let’s think about this. This discriminates against the childless. So you get a year off because you produce a brat. If anything if you have a child you should work more because your brat’s going to annoy me at the restaurants.”

— Greg Gutfeld

100. “The problem with the immigration debate, it’s probably is the most poisoned and political debate of any issue, because you have this huge voting bloc that everybody says is yours.”

— Greg Gutfeld