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Top 20 Helen Ellis Quotes (2025 Update)

Helen Ellis Quote: “There’s nothing nicer than unexpected appreciation. If you’re grateful, get a pen.”

1. “There’s nothing nicer than unexpected appreciation. If you’re grateful, get a pen.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I fix myself a hot chocolate because it is a gateway drug to reading.”

2. “I fix myself a hot chocolate because it is a gateway drug to reading.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Just because you can fit into something tight doesn’t mean that you belong in it.”

3. “Just because you can fit into something tight doesn’t mean that you belong in it.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “A good bra is fine, but a great bra is life changing. It gives you the confidence of a homecoming queen. It’s a tiara for your ta-tas.”

4. “A good bra is fine, but a great bra is life changing. It gives you the confidence of a homecoming queen. It’s a tiara for your ta-tas.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “You’ve got to have brains to play dumb.”

5. “You’ve got to have brains to play dumb.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Because it turns out, “If it happens, it happens” is Southern Lady Code for we don’t want kids.”

6. “Because it turns out, “If it happens, it happens” is Southern Lady Code for we don’t want kids.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Mama says, ” Helen Michelle, a lot of women have trouble saying no and then find themselves in worse situations because they were afraid of being rude. So, if you have trouble saying no, say ‘No, thank you.’ Let’s practice.”

7. “Mama says, ” Helen Michelle, a lot of women have trouble saying no and then find themselves in worse situations because they were afraid of being rude. So, if you have trouble saying no, say ‘No, thank you.’ Let’s practice.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “If you don’t know what to do with the rest of your life, make your bed. If you’re going to be a couch potato, at least fluff the pillows. If you can’t afford pearls, red nail polish is your best accessory. If you don’t have time to do your nails, smile and stand up straight.”

8. “If you don’t know what to do with the rest of your life, make your bed. If you’re going to be a couch potato, at least fluff the pillows. If you can’t afford pearls, red nail polish is your best accessory. If you don’t have time to do your nails, smile and stand up straight.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “French pedicures make your toes look like fingers. You look grabby. French pedicures are for man thieves.”

9. “French pedicures make your toes look like fingers. You look grabby. French pedicures are for man thieves.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Southern Lady Code: a technique by which, if you don’t have something nice to say, you say something not-so-nice in a nice way.”

10. “Southern Lady Code: a technique by which, if you don’t have something nice to say, you say something not-so-nice in a nice way.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I cry because I don’t have the upper-arm strength to flatiron my hair. I.”

11. “I cry because I don’t have the upper-arm strength to flatiron my hair. I.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Sugar, nobody’s perfect. And when ladies try to be perfect, their periods stop.”

12. “Sugar, nobody’s perfect. And when ladies try to be perfect, their periods stop.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “All we marrieds have a marriage chuckle. A marriage chuckle is a fake laugh you bring out when your spouse does something dumb that you have to pretend is charming. My.”

13. “All we marrieds have a marriage chuckle. A marriage chuckle is a fake laugh you bring out when your spouse does something dumb that you have to pretend is charming. My.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Face it: you’re never going to get carded again, so quit asking bouncers if they want to see your ID. Quit going places where they have bouncers.”

14. “Face it: you’re never going to get carded again, so quit asking bouncers if they want to see your ID. Quit going places where they have bouncers.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I study long-married couples and decide that wives are like bras: sometimes the most matronly are the most supportive.”

15. “I study long-married couples and decide that wives are like bras: sometimes the most matronly are the most supportive.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I looked so preppy you’d guess my tramp stamp was a monogram.”

16. “I looked so preppy you’d guess my tramp stamp was a monogram.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “One of Mama’s parenting mantras was: “Oh, Helen Michelle, I have yet to begin to embarrass you.”

17. “One of Mama’s parenting mantras was: “Oh, Helen Michelle, I have yet to begin to embarrass you.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I break into a sweat when I find a Sharpie cap, but not the pen.”

18. “I break into a sweat when I find a Sharpie cap, but not the pen.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “Write what I know, who wants to read that? If only our apartment was haunted or I was the tiniest bit possessed by the devil.”

19. “Write what I know, who wants to read that? If only our apartment was haunted or I was the tiniest bit possessed by the devil.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “YA is about angst. Will I get that boy to like me? Will I lose the weight? Will I turn into a vampire if he just gives me a hickey? I’m an orphan! I’m a mind reader! I’m biracial! I’m gay! When I get out of high school, I’ll move to New York City, where I’ll find others like me, and then I’ll be happy and I will have it all: a career, a family, good teeth, and takeout Chinese.”

20. “YA is about angst. Will I get that boy to like me? Will I lose the weight? Will I turn into a vampire if he just gives me a hickey? I’m an orphan! I’m a mind reader! I’m biracial! I’m gay! When I get out of high school, I’ll move to New York City, where I’ll find others like me, and then I’ll be happy and I will have it all: a career, a family, good teeth, and takeout Chinese.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “You don’t have to chase every bird that you see.”

21. “You don’t have to chase every bird that you see.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “It’s amazing that the city we live in allows “pets” that belong in a sideshow, but makes it illegal for me to have a switchblade.”

22. “It’s amazing that the city we live in allows “pets” that belong in a sideshow, but makes it illegal for me to have a switchblade.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I wore all black because I myself am a pop of color.”

23. “I wore all black because I myself am a pop of color.”

— Helen Ellis

Helen Ellis Quote: “I scroll through iPhone photos and see that if I delete pictures of myself with a double chin, I will erase all proof of my glorious life.”

24. “I scroll through iPhone photos and see that if I delete pictures of myself with a double chin, I will erase all proof of my glorious life.”

— Helen Ellis

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