Top 280 Henry Cloud Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “Remember that parenting is a temporary job, not an identity. Kids with parents who have a life learn both hat they aren’t the center of the universe and that they can be free to pursue their own dreams.”

— Henry Cloud

52. “Since you cannot get them to change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on you.”

— Henry Cloud

53. “The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!”

— Henry Cloud

54. “Avoidance of risk is the greatest risk of all.”

— Henry Cloud

55. “Boundaries are like muscles. They need to be built up in a safe support system and allowed to grow. If you try to shoulder too much weight too quickly, your muscles may tear or be pulled.”

— Henry Cloud

56. “The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.”

— Henry Cloud

57. “When a person travels through a few years with an organization, or with a partnership, or any other kind of working association, he leaves a ‘wake’ behind in these two areas, task and relationship: what did he accomplish and how did he deal with people?”

— Henry Cloud

58. “Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.”

— Henry Cloud

59. “You have to be able to face losing some things you might want in order to be free to do the right thing.”

— Henry Cloud

60. “The physicality of a real relationship – one that encompasses mind, body and soul – ultimately makes it more fulfilling and powerful than any virtual relationship ever could be.”

— Henry Cloud

61. “Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to “guard our heart with all diligence.” We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.”

— Henry Cloud

62. “In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are ridiculously in charge, then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.”

— Henry Cloud

63. “You cannot fix people who will not take feedback, because from their perspective, they do not have a problem.”

— Henry Cloud

64. “Trust is both an attitude and an action. Your first small step must be followed by another, and another, until you realize that God has indeed made a way for you to know him personally. The more you act on your faith in God, the more you will see of his way for you.”

— Henry Cloud

65. “Good boundaries prevent resentment.”

— Henry Cloud

66. “Things don’t change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.”

— Henry Cloud

67. “Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”

— Henry Cloud

68. “If we accept the premise that pruning is necessary but still notice that we have an emotional misalignment with that premise, we will struggle to realize our vision of the future and our potential. But if you can become aware of your resistances and internal conflicts now, then you can begin to face them and work them through.”

— Henry Cloud

69. “Children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives, but also free to live their lives any way they choose, as long as they take responsibility for their choices. For the responsible adult, the sky is the limit.”

— Henry Cloud

70. “Don’t let life pass you by as you shrink back. Don’t let passivity create a mummylike, survival-type existence for you. Find people who want to help you enter the world, encourage you to take action, and support your attempts to regain control over your life and relationships.”

— Henry Cloud

71. “The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that’s present.”

— Henry Cloud

72. “There is a very important rule in dating and romance: To be happy in a relationship, and to pick the kind of relationship that is going to be the kind you desire, you must be able to be happy without one.”

— Henry Cloud

73. “Never say to a third party something about someone that you do not plan to say to the person himself.”

— Henry Cloud

74. “The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.”

— Henry Cloud

75. “The big lesson here is this: deal with life as it is. Do not get stuck in protesting reality for what it “ought to be.” If you give up the demand that life and the people in it be something other than what they are, you will find creative solutions to every difficult situation. And you will be a more loving person.”

— Henry Cloud

76. “Endings are a part of life, and we are actually wired to execute them. But because of trauma, developmental failures, and other reasons, we shy away from the steps that could open up whole new worlds of development and growth.”

— Henry Cloud

77. “To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.”

— Henry Cloud

78. “Anything of value has this rhythm to it: pain first, payoff later. If we face the pain early, the payoff will come.”

— Henry Cloud

79. “All things being equal, a bad marriage is probably more painful than a bad single state.”

— Henry Cloud

80. “Avoidance always prolongs pain, in the end.”

— Henry Cloud

81. “Successful people stick to what they are good at and find ways to make that larger.”

— Henry Cloud

82. “When leaders lead in ways that people’s brains can follow, good results follow as well.”

— Henry Cloud

83. “Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other’s space and are champions of each other’s causes.”

— Henry Cloud

84. “We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.”

— Henry Cloud

85. “Because dating is a human exercise, it can be a tightrope fraught with danger. You will be dating imperfect people, and some of them are more imperfect than others. In addition, you are not perfect either, so that complicates the picture.”

— Henry Cloud

86. “Being right can never compete with doing well.”

— Henry Cloud

87. “If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.”

— Henry Cloud

88. “Forgiveness gives me boundaries because it unhooks me from the hurtful person, and then I can act responsibly, wisely. If I am not forgiving them, I am still in a destructive relationship with them.”

— Henry Cloud

89. “As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow. No one likes to hear negative things about him or herself. But in the long run it may be good for us.”

— Henry Cloud

90. “We often hear of someone saying, ‘So you don’t trust me’ or ‘Are you questioning my integrity?’ or ‘You don’t believe me.’ They get defensive and angry because someone questions their actions, and they think they are above being questioned or having to prove their trustworthiness. But none of us is above questioning.”

— Henry Cloud

91. “Where there is deception there is no relationship.”

— Henry Cloud

92. “We need rest not just so we feel better. We need rest for actual creation of what we’re going to need the next day.”

— Henry Cloud

93. “There is always safety in the truth, whether it be knowing God’s truth or knowing the truth about yourself. Many people live scattered and tumultuous lives trying to live outside of their own boundaries, not accepting and expressing the truth of who they are. Honesty about who you are gives you the biblical value of integrity, or oneness.”

— Henry Cloud

94. “True intimacy is only build around the freedom to disagree.”

— Henry Cloud

95. “Clarity leads to attention and attention leads to results.”

— Henry Cloud

96. “Sometimes, we have bad on the inside and good on the outside. In these instances, we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and the bad out. In other words, our fences need gates in them.”

— Henry Cloud

97. “Begin with the end in mind,” says Stephen Covey in his best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Beginning with the end in mind is a trait of people who do well. It is also a trait of people who parent well. When we understand that a major goal of parents is to develop a person of good character, we have gotten closer to that goal.”

— Henry Cloud

98. “And when we fail, we own our failure. With grace, we do not need to be defensive, for we are not condemned. Guilt says, “I should be different and if I’m not, then I’m bad,” so we get defensive. Grace says, “I see the standard and I’m not measuring up. I need help and love to change so that I can live.”

— Henry Cloud

99. “Pruning is strategic. It is directional and forward-looking. It is intentional toward a vision, desires, and objectives that have been clearly defined and are measurable. If you have that, you know what a rose is, and pruning will help you get one of true beauty.”

— Henry Cloud

100. “This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.”

— Henry Cloud