Top 280 Henry Cloud Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “If every marriage placed value on holiness, the following would be present: Confession and ownership of the problems in each individual A relentless drive toward growth and development A giving up of everything that gets in the way of love A surrendering of everything that gets in the way of truth A purity of heart where nothing toxic is allowed to grow This would be.”

— Henry Cloud

202. “People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid a bad.”

— Henry Cloud

203. “You’ll see that boundary conflicts are by no means limited to those who “can’t say no.”

— Henry Cloud

204. “To grow, we need things that we do not have and cannot provide, and we need to have a source of those things who looks favorably upon us and who does things for us for our own good.”

— Henry Cloud

205. “Loneliness is stronger than resolve, willpower, or discipline.”

— Henry Cloud

206. “Other Christians may try to tell you what your values should be, but they are not perfect. You must take responsibility for your own choices.”

— Henry Cloud

207. “A child needs to internalize a model of someone who has a life of her own. The parent whose life is centered around her children is influencing them to think that life is about either becoming a parent or being forever served by a parent. Let your child know you have interests and relationships that don’t involve her. Take trips without her. Show her that you take active responsibility in meeting your own needs and solving your own problems.”

— Henry Cloud

208. “It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.”

— Henry Cloud

209. “When people are vulnerable to control, they feel that they are selfish for deciding what to do with their own property. In reality, deciding for ourselves is the only way we can ever have true love, for then we are giving freely.”

— Henry Cloud

210. “This changes our entire existence, encompassing emotions, behavior, relationships, career, and everything else in life. We want people to learn that way for themselves.”

— Henry Cloud

211. “Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.”

— Henry Cloud

212. “To best deal with unsafe people, we first need to understand what causes us to be unsafe. For the problem is not just outside us; it is inside every one of us.”

— Henry Cloud

213. “Getting people to finally see the stark incompatibility of certain desires is often what finally gets them unstuck.”

— Henry Cloud

214. “To be purposeful people who can get things done, we need to be able to organize our desires, goals, time, and efforts. This is an important aspect of functioning.”

— Henry Cloud

215. “Endings are a part of every aspect of life. When done well, the seasons of life are negotiated, and the proper endings lead to the end of pain, greater growth, personal and business goals reached, and better lives. Endings bring hope.”

— Henry Cloud

216. “Forgiveness and opening up to more abuse are not the same thing. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Reconciliation and boundaries have to do with the future. Limits guard my property until someone has repented and can be trusted to visit again. And if they sin, I will forgive again, seventy times seven. But I want to be around people who honestly fail me, not dishonestly deny that they have hurt me and have no intent to do better.”

— Henry Cloud

217. “It’s important to understand that your no is always subject to you. You own your boundaries. They don’t own you. If you set limits with someone, and she responds maturely and lovingly, you can renegotiate the boundary. In addition, you can change the boundary if you are in a safer place.”

— Henry Cloud

218. “The problem comes when someone interrupts the law of sowing and reaping in another’s life.”

— Henry Cloud

219. “Some managers are able to let go of the past better than others. Those that have the greatest difficulty abandoning things are often those unable to face reality.”

— Henry Cloud

220. “Blame is one of the gravest problems we face, spiritually and emotionally. It keeps us more concerned about being “good” than about being honest.”

— Henry Cloud

221. “When you think you are ready to reestablish a relationship with someone who has been abusive and controlling in the past, bring a friend or supporter along. Be aware of your pull toward hurtful situations and relationships. The injury you are recovering from is serious, and you can’t reestablish a relationship until you have the proper tools. Be careful not to get sucked into a controlling situation again because your wish for reconciliation is so strong.”

— Henry Cloud

222. “Is your home a retreat from responsibility, or a place of movement and growth?”

— Henry Cloud

223. “Victims declare,“The world is responsible for me,” and never do anything to better their quality of life.”

— Henry Cloud

224. “You aren’t alive if you aren’t in need.”

— Henry Cloud

225. “Hidden sins and problems are destructive to us, and if we long to grow, we would want them exposed and healed.”

— Henry Cloud

226. “The wise parent lets the child’s world teach him the lessons of life and then empathizes with his pain. Then he learns to respect the outside world’s limits as well as his parents.”

— Henry Cloud

227. “Our kids aren’t an annuity for our retirement, social system, or medical frailty.”

— Henry Cloud

228. “People who forgive can – and should – also be people who confront. What is not confessed can’t be forgiven.”

— Henry Cloud

229. “The antidote to entitlement is forgiveness in two directions.”

— Henry Cloud

230. “For it is exactly into that prison that Jesus comes and tells us he will break us out.”

— Henry Cloud

231. “Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift. The heart that God has fashioned in his image is the center of our being.”

— Henry Cloud

232. “Look for people who are “anchored” over time. Don’t go for flashy, intense, addictive types. A Ford that will be there tomorrow is a lot better than a Maserati that might be gone. There are stable Maseratis. But it’s best to drive them awhile, that is, test out the relationship over time, to make sure.”

— Henry Cloud

233. “The leader’s job is to lead in ways such that people can do what they are best at doing: using their gifts and their brains to get great results.”

— Henry Cloud

234. “The ultimate answer, then, to the problem of pain is a person. It’s God himself.”

— Henry Cloud

235. “When parents teach children that setting boundaries or saying no is bad, they are teaching them that others can do with them as they wish.”

— Henry Cloud

236. “Only we know what we can and want to give, and only we can be responsible for drawing that line. If we do not draw it, we can quickly become resentful.”

— Henry Cloud

237. “Many people do not think very often about what they think about. They just let their thoughts live inside their head, without observing or questioning them.”

— Henry Cloud

238. “The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try.”

— Henry Cloud

239. “So if you feel resistance about executing a certain ending, figure out what two or more desires are in conflict, admit to yourself that you can have only one, and then ask yourself this question: Which one am I willing to give up to have the other one?”

— Henry Cloud

240. “But, as we all know, this was a lie. The man and woman did not become like God at all. Instead, in trying to become God, they became less of themselves. And this is why we need spiritual growth. We have become less of what we were created to be.”

— Henry Cloud

241. “Begin to be aware of your tendency to make the “haves” bad and the “have nots” good. Ask God to help you to be grateful for what you have, and to rejoice in the good things that others have.”

— Henry Cloud

242. “Guilt pushers do not like to get rid of guilt, for they fear that if people do not have guilt to stop them, they will do whatever they want.”

— Henry Cloud

243. “Part of being made in God’s image is having a need to be in relationship.”

— Henry Cloud

244. “Just as there is good time and bad time, there is good endurance and bad endurance. When we suffer, is the true self growing or is the false self just enduring pain? If we are on God’s surgery table in grace-giving relationships with our real self, time spent suffering will produce completeness; we will grow up, and we will experience changes that heal.”

— Henry Cloud

245. “Something about me scares people away.”

— Henry Cloud

246. “Change is frightening. It may comfort you to know, that if you are afraid, you are possibly on the right road – the road to change and growth.”

— Henry Cloud

247. “God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for us.”

— Henry Cloud

248. “Empty people can’t love others very selflessly. They’re operating out of a vacuum of insecurities and needs. You’ve seen what happens when someone who has never had a warm, giving relationship enters into marriage, where those skills are required. It doesn’t work, and just telling them to “love themselves first” won’t work either.”

— Henry Cloud

249. “Edmund Burke, “All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

— Henry Cloud

250. “It’s hard to give up playing God when you’ve been doing it a long time.”

— Henry Cloud