Top 60 Howard Stern Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Well, first of all, I’m worth every penny.”

— Howard Stern

Featured in: Firsts Quotes

2. “I’m going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you’re in big trouble.”

— Howard Stern

3. “I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.”

— Howard Stern

4. “Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?”

— Howard Stern

5. “It’s okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly.”

— Howard Stern

6. “I don’t talk about my salary.”

— Howard Stern

7. “Here’s what happens when you die – you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.”

— Howard Stern

8. “I’m not a good listener some times. I’m too much of a control freak. I’m learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing.”

— Howard Stern

9. “I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled.”

— Howard Stern

10. “I believe in censorship when it benefits me.”

— Howard Stern

11. “You’ve got to be a little vicious. You’ve got to be narcissistic. You’ve got to be on fire about your career.”

— Howard Stern

12. “I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.”

— Howard Stern

13. “I’ve come to appreciate other people’s talents.”

— Howard Stern

14. “I wanted to go hide. I wasn’t looking to be more famous, I’m famous enough.”

— Howard Stern

15. “And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you’re going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can’t apologize for it.”

— Howard Stern

Featured in: Strong Quotes

16. “When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.”

— Howard Stern

17. “There are a lot of so-called “good Americans” who are really a bunch of bums.”

— Howard Stern

18. “My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing.”

— Howard Stern

19. “I’m a parent, and I regulate what my kids listen to. I don’t need the government to be the parent. If I’m a crappy parent, then I need the government involved.”

— Howard Stern

20. “Don’t let the government win.”

— Howard Stern

21. “There’s a saying that my mom actually used to say to me when I was a kid, which is, “A fatherless child thinks all things are possible and nothing is safe.”

— Howard Stern

22. “I’ve always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.”

— Howard Stern

23. “I’m sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don’t think there’s any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.”

— Howard Stern

24. “I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.”

— Howard Stern

25. “I’ve always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you’re honest, you don’t lose your edge.”

— Howard Stern

26. “Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises – except for those of us who have vaginas.”

— Howard Stern

27. “I really didn’t know much about the Libertarians. I knew they were for less government and more individual freedom. I liked that.”

— Howard Stern

28. “Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God.”

— Howard Stern

29. “Nothing is casual. Everything requires work, research, and thought. Agonize. Take it seriously. Don’t leave it up to someone else, and don’t phone it in. There is no such thing as a shortcut if you are going to turn in good work. If I ever enjoy the process, I know I have somehow produced something worthless.”

— Howard Stern

30. “There’s just too many people being bullied, too many people’s lives being wrecked. This is something that is long overdue. We all have gay and lesbian people in our families, and these are good people.”

— Howard Stern

31. “I can’t imagine the biggest blow to me was that marriage not working out. That just flipped me out.”

— Howard Stern

32. “If you’re a Christian you don’t sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they’re happy and they’re committed in a relationship.”

— Howard Stern

33. “We all get one life to live here. It’s 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd.”

— Howard Stern

34. “Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn’t do any worse.”

— Howard Stern

35. “I’ve never come into anything successful before. I’ve always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.”

— Howard Stern

36. “I believe we will start believing in God as we get closer to death.”

— Howard Stern

37. “I’m trapped inside of me and I don’t go out at all. I go to bed at eight o’clock at night. I never go out during the week. I’m in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it.”

— Howard Stern

38. “I’ve actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn’t need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself.”

— Howard Stern

39. “I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do.”

— Howard Stern

40. “Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new.”

— Howard Stern

41. “I’m down with just the Backstreet Boys.”

— Howard Stern

42. “I don’t like being 50 and I don’t like thinking about death.”

— Howard Stern

43. “Mike Walker is the Hemingway of gossip.”

— Howard Stern

44. “These nutbags, like Santorum and Bachmann, who make these people and especially young gay kids feel miserable, shame on them. They’re quacks. I would never vote for them. I wouldn’t even listen to them because there but for the grace of God go they.”

— Howard Stern

45. “I will never feel successful.”

— Howard Stern

46. “I’m in a war, a cultural war.”

— Howard Stern

47. “I think I’m probably a little too desperate to be successful.”

— Howard Stern

48. “Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.”

— Howard Stern

49. “I’m the voice of honesty.”

— Howard Stern

50. “Okay, well, I guess I’m still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things.”

— Howard Stern