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Top 15 Jack Townsend Quotes (2025 Update)

Jack Townsend Quote: “From now on, you fight dirty, understand? And nothin’s dirtier than dirt. Pick it up, throw it in your opponent’s eyes. Go for the hair and the squishy bits. And for God’s sake, don’t be afraid to grab another man’s balls. Casual homophobia has killed a lot of otherwise competent fighters.”

1. “From now on, you fight dirty, understand? And nothin’s dirtier than dirt. Pick it up, throw it in your opponent’s eyes. Go for the hair and the squishy bits. And for God’s sake, don’t be afraid to grab another man’s balls. Casual homophobia has killed a lot of otherwise competent fighters.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “What’s ‘catch these hands’ in Latin?”

2. “What’s ‘catch these hands’ in Latin?”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “I closed the file, shut down the browser, and turned off the computer, thinking to myself, Well that’s enough internet for today.”

3. “I closed the file, shut down the browser, and turned off the computer, thinking to myself, Well that’s enough internet for today.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “That’s a big old nope sandwich with a side of hell naw slaw.”

4. “That’s a big old nope sandwich with a side of hell naw slaw.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “I was simply dying much slower than anticipated. But when you think about it, isn’t that all anyone can really ask for?”

5. “I was simply dying much slower than anticipated. But when you think about it, isn’t that all anyone can really ask for?”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “A couple gnomes showed up right outside the back door, and I left them where I found them because one of them was holding a steak knife and I don’t need that kind of crazy in my life.”

6. “A couple gnomes showed up right outside the back door, and I left them where I found them because one of them was holding a steak knife and I don’t need that kind of crazy in my life.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “He looked like God got drunk and decided to make a person but realized halfway through that He didn’t have all the ingredients and tried to wing it with spare parts.”

7. “He looked like God got drunk and decided to make a person but realized halfway through that He didn’t have all the ingredients and tried to wing it with spare parts.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “Being dead is a lot like dreaming. Sometimes it’s good; sometimes it’s bad. But most of the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it.”

8. “Being dead is a lot like dreaming. Sometimes it’s good; sometimes it’s bad. But most of the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “Chapter Forty-One Some time passed. It’s hard to say how much, exactly.”

9. “Chapter Forty-One Some time passed. It’s hard to say how much, exactly.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “A gun, a backup gun, and enough cash for two boring weeks or two interesting days.”

10. “A gun, a backup gun, and enough cash for two boring weeks or two interesting days.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “If the gas station were a planet, it would be Pluto. If the gas station were a vowel, it would be Y. If the gas station were an X-Man, it would be Wolverine.”

11. “If the gas station were a planet, it would be Pluto. If the gas station were a vowel, it would be Y. If the gas station were an X-Man, it would be Wolverine.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “I’ve never been very good at socializing. Truth be told, I’d rather stand in a corner alone than engage in meaningless conversation with people I don’t even know or care about.”

12. “I’ve never been very good at socializing. Truth be told, I’d rather stand in a corner alone than engage in meaningless conversation with people I don’t even know or care about.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “It’s the kind of place where, for fun, people do Civil War reenactments in the summer and meth in the winter.”

13. “It’s the kind of place where, for fun, people do Civil War reenactments in the summer and meth in the winter.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “You were sleep floating.” “Oh,” Rosa said. “Sorry about that. I really didn’t mean to.”

14. “You were sleep floating.” “Oh,” Rosa said. “Sorry about that. I really didn’t mean to.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “Hey, I have a question for you.” “Yes, there’s weed in the tea.” “No, I already knew that. I had a question about the internet.”

15. “Hey, I have a question for you.” “Yes, there’s weed in the tea.” “No, I already knew that. I had a question about the internet.”

— Jack Townsend

Jack Townsend Quote: “Have you ever thought about carrying a gun?” “Not really. I’m clumsy and prone to dropping things and I don’t want to accidentally kill someone. Same reasons I don’t like holding babies.”

16. “Have you ever thought about carrying a gun?” “Not really. I’m clumsy and prone to dropping things and I don’t want to accidentally kill someone. Same reasons I don’t like holding babies.”

— Jack Townsend

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